January 31, 1995

12 years ago today, I finally woke up and realized I wasn't going to get to Heaven on a Bible Knowlege and All-Around-Goody-Goody Scholarship.

Thank God.

To save a sophomore in Bible College just goes to show you how truly amazing He is.

Listen in...

Robb is scheduled to talk with a radio host in Detroit today at 4:00 central/5:00 eastern time. The host is Paul Edwards and he discusses God and culture. Looks like an interesting guy, but his roll of guests doesn't include any emergent voices that I recognized. Pray for Robb...he is under a lot of pressure from many directions right now. We really do believe that God is at work through Vintage, but we are feeling the opposition too. Most importantly, we want to open up a conversation with our community, not just create a lot of buzz among Christians.

You can click the title above to click to the radio host's site.

Vintage Fellowship

Yesterday was something...




We found ourselves pretty nervous before church, wondering how the past week of publicity would affect things. And it had been an intense week all around for everyone...from our worship leader Kevin, (who is co-ordinating the massive effort to take a detailed census of the homeless in the area), to everyone in the worship band...Daisy was taking over in childcare, and I was on week three or four? of being in the nursery. Robb and I just lay in bed on Sunday morning before it all started, asking God to help us and deliver us from the sense of suffocating anxiety.




Daisy did a phenominal job, despite the service going long. I had a new girl helping in the nursery, and she was GREAT. I was too flustered and busy to give her much direction, but she just did exactly what needed to be done. We had 12 first-time visitors in the service.




Later in the afternoon, we had a membership meeting. I was so focussed on having our babysitter set up with enough snacks for our kids and some of their friends, and getting out the door, I hadn't really stopped to consider who would be at the meeting. I guess I pictured maybe 10 or so people, counting us. We got there about five minutes late, much to Hubby's chagrin, and and had a little trouble finding a parking spot. An hour or so, and many laughs later, 30 people had signed up to be the official members of Vintage Fellowship.

After the meeting, I was talking with a new friend, trying to express how intense the week had been....how very vulnerable I had felt, opening ourselves to so much criticism from the general public. She laughed a little and said, "But it isn't just you, now, is it? You aren't alone. It's all of us...." she said, gesturing to the large group of people still standing around talking and laughing.

Yes, we aren't alone now. We're in this thing together.

Empty Ink Cartridges

The queeen of practicality that I am, I have saved all of our empty ink cartridges....I have a bajillion of them.

Does anybody know where I can take them?

I'm gonna have a heart attack

Another one of my two dollar investments is being multiplied by ...uh....a lot.

It ends tonight....should be fun!

Don't Bonk

When I was a kid, taking piano lessons, I got to that point when I could play something that actually sounded like a song. Which of course, led to playing in front of people. And when people find out you can play a little, they try to sing with you. That was when I would get totally flustered and screw up.

Not sure if you noticed, but Vintage has been on the news, in the paper, on talk radio...people are trying to sing with us. We are getting some attention.

If you read this, stop and pray for us to not screw up. Pray that God will help us to use this attention to focus on Him. We think our light-hearted approach is working, but pray that we don't bonk.

Thanks, friends.

New Vinnyisms & Charleigh's too

Says Vinny of the new Transformers Movie (which he watches the trailer for on a daily basis) "It is SO my style."

Writes Vinny at writing workshop:

My DaD was on TV tocing a bat r shrsh! on 5 noos! it was cool. I LiKe t My DaD Being on tv. it is cooll!



Charleigh was excited that we were having "unka unk" for breakfast. (oatmeal)

She also asked to watch "Homee." (Nemo)

You gotta be kidding me...

I've been selling on ebay for 4 years now and I just had an auction pulled for accepting cash payments. I had absolutely no idea that this is against policy. Now what do I do? I can't revise every item but if they pull any other items, I could be blocked from selling.

arghhh.

GO TO DONNA's BLOG!

You've got to check out what my friend Donna is up to. Not only will you find a fun superhero test on the top of her blog, but also tons of information on her new mission from God. A long time advocate of the easy-to-ignore people of the U.S. (handicapped, prisoners, foster kids) she is now working to prepare for a trip to help the orphans of Russia. She will spend two weeks there teaching on recruiting and retaining adoptive parents for the massive population of abandonded orphans. While China is closing the option of adopting little girls, Russia is becoming convinced that a system that causes 60 percent of its "graduates" to commit suicide or enter prostitution for survival, just isn't working.

And yes, this is my friend who had a recent bout of debilitating illness and still isn't 100 percent well. But she has this crazy idea that one person can make a difference. I'm so proud of her!

It's nervewracking...

being on the local news.

I'll just say that I couldn't get a thing done yesterday because a)I drank two pots of coffee and b) Robb was on the news at 5, 6, 10 p.m. and again this morning. While I have utmost confidence in my husband's ability to "give good quote," you just never know how things will get spun. One channel chose to play up the fact that the paper wouldn't print the ads, and one chose to play up the fact that we were talking about sex at church and combined another church which has been teaching on intimacy into the story.

And of course, our kids couldn't help but notice. "That is my Daddy!" Charleigh screamed at the television (so much that we had to replay it to actually hear what was said.) And Mattie, now at the age when she grimaces and yells at us when Robb and I kiss in front of her, asked for some clarification. We had a good chat after supper last night which I think did a good job of laying the ground work for her. You do begin to notice, however, after having this chat with your kid, that EVERYTHING on tv is about illicit sex. It definitely gives you a fresh perspective.

I think at last check, we had over 1300 hits on our website yesterday and some communication from people as well. My favorite was the guy who said, "Please don't be full of crap."

Okay, Dude. We'll try not to.

Over the Top

Not sure who it was, but somebody put us over the 10,000 mark this morning. Sorry there wasn't something interesting to see here....

Unsolved Mysteries

So, I have a thousand things to do, but I found myself auditioning a few tv-show ringtones. It's been at least a decade since I saw this show, but even the theme song still just freaks me out. It's 8:51 a.m. and I feel the need to lock all the doors and call my mom.

May I just take this moment to say.....

BBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

okay.
I guess I feel better.

It's 4:13 p.m., Friday Afternoon...

met a friend for coffee
hit two thrift stores
lunch with hubby

talked to a friend I haven't talked to in ages
answered an email from a ebayer in my hometown
called my dad to see if said buyer is at all wacko
but dad said, "he's a great person." mom said,
"if you didn't know him, you might think, wacko."

kids come home with great report cards
house is a disaster with packing supplies from yesterdays shipment
everywhere
the dog has peed somewhere....
can smell it but can't find it...

laundry pile
what's for dinner?
WOW, that window is dirty with the late afternoon sun shining through it
three important emails to answer

kids are bickering over styrofoam airplane and the last piece of candy from
last week's pirate-theme birthday party
Hubby is calling with questions about tomorrow's plans

we need to get some groceries
Sara's coming soon for a haircut
there are literally five permission slips and three requests for money
for field trips and the Valentine's party to fill out

Cover me,
I'm going in....

We're Too Sexy for this Newspaper....Too Sexy...

Yeah, so in case you didn't read it on the Grenz, we are doing a series on sex at Vintage Fellowship. The Morning News of Northwest Arkansas refuses to print our ads directing people to this website. They say that it is too seductive...REALLY? More seductive than the full page ad in their paper for a stripper that my 2 year old saw, pointed to, and said, "I see her butt!"

Are we being censored because we're a church??? The management at the paper has refused to give us any further explanation for their refusal to print our ad.

ugh...

I just made a full pot of the worlds worst coffee.

I have a new little pink

cellphone.

Yeah, my old one was four years old and was good for a sizeable trade in amount. It was starting to get cranky with me.

Now, I put it to you...what should my ringer be?

No pressure or anything, but how do I sum up my personality for everyone to hear?

My old ringers, by the way, were the Alias theme song and the McGyver theme song.

Thoughts?

Batten the Hatches, Mates

We're in for a stormy blow....


Yeah, if you don't see or hear from us for a couple of days, it means the ice storm has hit us as badly as they say it will and the power is out. (tonight and tomorrow morning.) We have a fireplace and gas grill and a well-stocked cupboard, so no worries...

chat soon.

The Art of Mothering

I found out I have some new readers recently, so I apologize for the boring posts lately :)


Much of my recent thinking has been swirling around the great task of mothering.

I'm listening to a book called "The Seven Stages of Motherhood." Should polish off disks 7,8 and 9 today. I feel like I did a mental journey through pregnancy, postpartum, first-time todlerdom, preschool and kindergarten so far...no wonder I was so tired last night.

I'm ruminating on conversations at church touching on how we all feel insecure as moms... and such an interesting spectrum of women at our church right now...from the mother of newborn twins to the established mother of five...to the mother of grown children...there are so many questions to ask and so much experience to share. They had to throw us out of the lobby on Sunday as the conversations were just rolling along... How could we better facilitate the Biblical concept of the older women teaching the younger women?

I filled out the application for information regarding foster/adoption in Arkansas. Within two days, I had the info for monthly orientation meetings and a phone call from the "resource person." I took hasty notes on an envelope and found that many babies come into care in this area because of Garrett's law...which states that babies who test positive for drugs at birth must be removed to foster homes. So I have been doing some cursory reading regarding meth babies in particular.

For those of you who are gasping at the fact that we are thinking about this again, take a moment to catch your breath....apparently the prospect of things "settling down" naturally leads to this path for us. I feel a little guilty about the fact that I didn't love being pregnant, and adding to our family that way again is not appealing at all. We are both not sure that we are "done" however, so we're just thinking about it right now. It would require a lot....like a new car and a little more financial security than we have had in the last year or so....but we've never been ones to worry too much about having it all before loving a kid. And, it is such a long process, that it takes some timing skills to know when to jump onto the train. Donna has said often it takes a year to think about it...but I wonder how long it takes the second time?

I'm not that mom, by the way, that is SO into kids that she just wants 14 of them. I'm not really very much fun as mom, really. I like my kids, but I'm not all that great at it, compared to others. In fact, I have recently come to the conclusion that I am a great wife...really, I can say with confidence that I have put a lot into our relationship and feel really confident of the strength of our bond....but as a mom, I have no such confidence. I have a few vague theories that I am working out, but I reject a lot of the current fashion regarding mothering. I marvel at some of my blog friends and how they do such creative and fun things with their kids...how they hang out with their kids...I'm not that girl. I love my work and I love being busy. My kids know that even though mommy is here, when she is working, she is busy...so don't be bugging her with stupid interuptions (ie.."MOM! can I watch tv? She keeps bothering me! I'm bored." etc. etc.). It sounds harsh, I know, but I tell my kids often, "My job is not to entertain you." And I really believe that it isn't. I'm here for them to answer their questions, to keep them safe, to feed them, to hug them, to laugh with them, to remind them of their responsibilities, but if they want a tea party, they'll have to schedule it for the times I'm not working.

I guess the truth of the matter is that I have never allowed the kids to be the total center of my attention. I get the impression that that is different from other moms. I hold this view partly out of fear (of putting my whole self into the kids and then being bereft when they move out) and partly out of thinking it is right. I retain a certain detachment from my children. I respect them as individuals completely separate from who I am. I've always felt that way too...from the time that Mattie was a tiny baby and I could tell that she hated wearing socks or that she didn't need or want to be held too much. I just figured..."Hey, that's who she is." It took me longer to figure out Vinny..his need for ritual and things he could count on to help him feel secure and more confident of what he can handle. He is very like me in many ways, but he likes to be with someone/anyone much more than Mattie or I do (like his dad?). And Charleigh...well, she is a constant wonder to me since she is made out of completely other stuff.

And maybe I am detached because I am not confident. I've always avoided things that I couldn't be the best at. If I'm not certain I can be THE best mom, I'm probably avoiding trying to be the best mom I can be.

I am just as concerned with how the job of mothering (or housework or church or art or clothing or memory-keeping) was done in the past as I am with how it is now and how it will be in the future. I'm actually more concerned about the past. "Vintage" is not just the name of my church...it is a philosphy for me. I think there are some real positives to the way things were done in the past, and not everything new is better.

Okay, I just wrote those last few paragraphs with a lot of bravado and a certain amount of...'Okay, I said it...now jump all over me and tell me how awful I suspect I must be."

So how do I square all that "hands off" mothering style with considering another child? I think it fits well, actually. My goal in mothering is to raise kids who are self-reliant and confident of their ability to make good choices, able to take care of themselves and others, and responsible with their resources. My goal isn't to make childhood the best time of their life, otherwise, why would they want to leave it? I believe that what makes childhood magical and good is the safety and security of being protected from adult worries and realities until they have practiced the skills and coping mechanisms to face them...NOT the paving of life from the time they are small, so that the bumps are minimized as much as is humanly or economically possible. So, ultimatley, I think it's good for my kids to welcome another needy kid to our family if we can.

To me it is all about resources and goals. You are given a certain amount of life to spend. What are you gonna do with it? I'm still really working on evalutating this. I'm at a point in my life where I am asking the question, do I spend more on myself or do I just admit that I've given making my mark in life a good run and my resources are now going to focus on "what I can do for my kids?" This past year has been focussed soley on survival...as a Christ-follower, a couple, a family, a church. We are moving on now. Now it is a question of now what? How do I contribute to making this church work? How do I express my own creativity and "accomplish God's purpose for me in my generation"? How do I care for my children in the best way possible to help them love God and follow Him? Do I move my kids to center-stage now... or ever? It's a lot to think about. I'll need more time to think it through...and more voices of experience to listen to.

The circles of my influence (wife, child of God, mother, etc.) are crying for some kind of mental re-organization. Most of all, I'd like to be delivered from the contant feeling of guilt..."I should have done more, I should do it differently...I shouldn't have done it that way...." etc. etc. I know it is a common feeling, but I can't imagine that God wants us moms to live in the constant shadow of guilt. Or maybe, it's just part of the curse...part of our pain being greatly multiplied in childbirth...

yeah, feel free to jump in on this before my head explodes.

VACATION IS OVER

Okay, so my kids don't go back to school til tomorrow, but I actually got up this morning and packed hubby's lunch instead of rolling over with a groan when the alarm went off. I have a to-do list a mile long and I'm feeling that White Rabbit urgency that I will indeed to be late to a very important date...

MUST DO TODAY!
make hubby's birthday cake -The late Doryce Kinley's Red Velvet Cake and frosting from scratch- and birthday dinner-marinated pork roast, mashed potatos and fresh spinach salad- wrap presents, clean the house, and oh, yeah, I will probably try to shower and be dressed in something other than pajamas.

crank up the ebay machine

mend some pants for the kids (they keep trashing the knees in their jeans)

mail the letters I wrote this weekend

get the kids ready for school tomorrow

finish the load of laundry I washed three days ago (yeah, that'll need another go around....)




There...I just multi-tasked: I blogged AND made my list.

Will Pee for Makeup

I was not motivated enough to fight Charleigh on the whole potty-training front while the weather was still warm. But lately, she has been asking to go, enjoying the "yeah Charleigh's" and showing other signs of compliance to this idea. So after reading Heidi's post about her daughter's makeup, I had an inspiration: I told Charleigh she could have makeup every time she went potty. She loves to stand and watch me in the bathroom while I get ready, and like her sister (and brother!) before her, she always asks for some, and I usually give them a dab of chapstick or powder. This is working like magic. She didn't even wet her bed during naptime (okay, she peed when she stood up next to her bed, but I'll take it!) I promised her I would paint her nails if she stayed dry at night....I'll keep you posted.

I'm liking this...

Remember how I was stressing my ugly workspace a couple months ago? Apparently my brain was working on it in my sleep because this is what I came up with and I like it a lot.

Before:











After:




The blue stripes, by the way, are strips of vintage wallpaper. We didn't want to spend time and money on paint, but I was desperately missing color, so I just pinned these up. I also backed the bookcases with it to help bring them up to date a bit. One thing I love about it is that I cannot see my desk from the kitchen, so I feel like I've left work! I also organized all my crafty stuff in the cupboard by my desk, which also holds my printer. That is the first time it has ever been organized! I read in an organizational magazine about how different people organize. I am what is called a "surveyor" (and so is my mom) which means that I like to have everything in view because I'm afraid I'll forget about it. The magazine suggested using colored folders to help create the visual clues I need to stay organized. I'm looking forward to getting that figured out so that the bill drawer doesn't overwhelm me completely. I think the truth is that I like the season just after Christmas better than decorating for Christmas itself. I like reorganizing to include the new things, and I like freshening things up, and I like moving furniture...best therapy in the world for me...after blogging and road trips of course.

"All is Quiet on New Year's Day..."

Do you have New Years Day traditions? I do. I would say that our family does, but it's just me, mostly, and I inflict it on them....

I love saurkraut, keilbasi, pork roast and mashed potatoes on NYD. I thought it was a Polish thing but my friend named "Fitzpatrick" also cherishes this sumptuous meal for New Years. Anybody else?

And of course, the tree has to come down. This year, my dear husband did most of the work, and I only had to vacuum up the needles, which, conveniently, I really like to do. I like the way they smell and I like the way they sound in the vacuum, clattering around, and I like the immediate gratification of sucking up a visible line of dark green needles, as oppossed to the "invisible dirt" I usually vacuum from our bland gray-tan carpet.

Those are the two things we actually do, and then I always say I'm going to write a family letter that day, since I'm always too busy to do Christmas cards, but I always forget. Maybe I'll do it today...

The Fam

III

Our last day in Nashville, we drove south to the current home of the Grand Ol Opry, which is the longest running live radio show in America (or the world). Again, a tour would have been wasted on us, but we did go to the free museum where I snapped pictures of Patsy Cline's den and read every tidbit on Minnie Pearl and still didn't find out where the price-tag shtick came from.

Quick Poll: how many of you watched Hee Haw when you were a kid?

Across the street was a gigantic mall where we had lunch at the Acquarium restaurant. The stunning array of fish led to a memorable conversation. While the kids oohed and ahhhed, we adults debated the nuances of creationism and then moved on to a discussion over Robb's long cherished desire to get an earring. While not everyone at the table was in favor of it, my brother in law was in a paying mood since my neice was getting hers done and my sister in law wanted a little hoop for her upper ear. So after an amazing lunch, the three of them lined up later at the teeny-bopper jewelry store for their pokes. Nate said he thought it was very "macho" of Robb.

On the way back to the hotel, it began to occur to the girls that we had to leave in the morning and they began to cry. They would look at each other, hold hands, and then cry some more. We decided to let them boo-hoo it out, and later they had another swim and were fine at goodbye time.






































It was the best trip we've been on in ages...wait..the only trip we've been on in ages! Anyway, it's back to life now, complete with ebay screw-ups to fix, furniture to rearrange, laundry and the like, but great memories were made to warm our hearts. I still have my biographies to finish, and I'm excited about the upcoming busy season on ebay (the next three months are my best each year). There's nothing like a little trip to "sharpen the saw."