Twenty - Part 3

Part 1
Part 2

When we were 21 years old, we accepted that a wedding reception involved a nicely decorated church fellowship hall or gym,
punch and cake,
church-approved background music,
and if you were really on the cutting edge....a picture slideshow.
And not much else.
 
Back then there were plenty of relatives and friends to hug.  We got almost nothing to eat while visiting with everyone and woke up in the middle of the night at a bed and breakfast in the middle of nowhere starving to death.  I deeply regretted not having more formal photos taken of the groom's side of the family that had assembled from parts unknown across the country. There is a photo of Robb fake-dancing with my Mom.  We had fun....I mean...we had pulled off the wedding part and were very relieved. But it was a buttoned-down affair, reflective of our theology at the time.

Fast forward 20 years and we found ourselves once again in a church.  But this time, there was no question about having fun.  This was a party. And Robb had thought of everything.  For him, God is in the details.

He hired Fayetteville's poet laureate, Clayton Scott,  turned food-truck-chef of Best Frickin' Chicken to cater with chicken and waffles on the menu.  Their secret maple cream gravy is no longer available on the menu, but Robb got him to make me my own delicious batch because he knew how much I love it!  Long-time friend Derek from Core Brewery brought kegs of delicious local beer.  Samantha, who is one of the single most interesting and beautiful people I have ever met in my life, created the cake with a nod to our original wedding cake, with gorgeous flowers on top and candied rose petals on the cupcakes.  Scott was emcee and spun the tunes ...a masterful mix that included personal favorites and crowdsourced dance-tunes...while his exquisite Julie arranged all the flowers, including the bouquets and boutonnieres...using daisies and roses, our original flowers.  The whole thing smacked of thoughtful planning, generosity, joy, collaboration, inclusion, and un-self-conscious celebration.

Our friends Derek and Natalie spoke words of blessing over us in the form of toasts. Their words reminded us again that the love we have for each other, the life we are building, isn't just for ourselves, but instead, brings good to our community, both in and out of our church.

Somewhere in all of this, I was getting bits and pieces about the secret Facebook Event Page where the collaboration had run wild since March.  That's right...for almost five months, this joyous scheming had been simmering away.  There had been a moment when I glimpsed the page open on Robb's computer and I saw the picture at the top of the page from our wedding day, and I asked him what it was, and he had fumbled for an answer.  I chalked it up to "the surprise" and didn't think much else about it.  Little did I know of the playlist suggestions, group-thinking, and clandestine virtual high-fives that were going on under my nose as each piece of the puzzle fell into place.

What I did know was that something wonderful was becoming obvious:  My husband, who finds it so difficult at times to be vulnerable, had dropped all masks while planning this event with everyone. He was telling the truth when he wrote on the event page: "If you ruin this surprise, I will never speak to you again."  But he was also bringing people along on a grand adventure. Instead of acting as a lone wolf, he shared the whole project, inviting everyone in on the fun.  Creativity IS leadership, and he was building trust and bonds with our children and with everyone involved with the event.  Who does something like this unless they are an extraordinary person?  He believes deeply in the comedy and the fairy tale of the gospel and he has a gift for keeping child-like wonder alive for people who sometimes drift out of Narnia and think they've outgrown it.  That is what fuels him.  That is the consistent, stubborn, nearly insane assertion he has been rock-steady about since I met him: this belief in God's grace as the transformational element above and beyond all we could ask or imagine. So why not throw a perfect party for the love of his wife?  Why not pastor a church tirelessly with a full time job as well? Why not help a stranger in need?  Why not welcome all to the communion table? Why not attempt to wade the water of politics with love in your heart for everyone?  Why not believe the Cleveland Browns could win the Super Bowl?   All is grace.

If he had a twin, separated from him at birth, it would be Natalie.  They are wired so similarly and appear so differently.  So it is no wonder that my beautiful friend was intricately involved in the whole thing, I couldn't possibly explain all that she did, except perhaps that she "got it."  She knew what he was shooting for and worked to make it all happen.

 We never learned to dance.  It was "not done" at weddings by most in our circles and there are no dances at Christian schools, either.  I would fumble badly through even the Chicken Dance.  It is kind of a metaphor, really, for how we learned to be in the world: some unfortunate mix of my personality type, circumstances and lousy theology had kept me for years under the impression that emotions must always be expressed neatly and tidily and our bodies aren't to be trusted as a medium of tidy emotional expression.  But looking around, I was easily reminded that everyone was here for joy and not one person in the room would judge us. We could dance like David and there would be no snooty Michal to ruin the fun.  So we danced the night away.   Which suited my parents just fine, because my parents are nothing but smooth and elegant on the dance floor and Robb was sure to include "their song" in the playlist.

Our Charleigh was born for dancing.  I asked her where she learned to dance like she does and she turned her chin and said, "I just make it up."   Her athleticism and fully-committed attitude had us in stitches.  I tried to keep up with her once and ended up with burning thigh muscles and a river of sweat running down my back.  But how we laughed!  And our friends!  I knew I could count on them to keep that party swinging. I could watch them dance for hours and my sides burned from laughing.

At the end of the evening,  our friends whisked us out the door without letting us help clean up.  Their send off was a sweet detail:  At our wedding, I dreamed of being sent away under a shower of rose petals, of course captured iconically by the photographer.  But our florist forgot the rose petals, and instead, I have a photo of 300 people outside a church that always reminds me of the frankly awkward scene in the Sound of Music when the partygoers wave to the children and echo their "Goodnight."  It always bothered me.   (the movie and the omission of the rose petals. Equally.)

So of course, my husband remembered the rose petals.  Of course he did.   And Nikki captured it all.

And then he said,
"Are you ready for one more surprise?"

Stitch Fix #15 Review

Now that summer is upon us, I asked my brilliant stylist to send clothes I could wear in the heat of Arkansas summer.  I love summer, but I admit, I do not love the humidity here.  I get so hot, I can't even stand to wear jewelry, let alone shoes.  It doesn't help that our air conditioning is not in the best shape, so even inside, I am sticky.

Ashlyn did not disappoint.  She seems to have a working knowledge of what HOT means and picked the most adorable things for this fix.  I took them out the box and started wearing them immediately, which is why I'm posting this review almost 2 months after it arrived.

The first thing out of the box was this olive cargo skirt, made of a stretch cotton.  I have worn this repeatedly, washed it numerous times, and will love it for always. This is exactly my style and could not be more versatile.

Ashlyn totally grasps the concept that I like to get entire outfits in my fixes, and so all of the pieces in my fix are interchangeable.

Level 99 Andy Cargo Skirt with Olive & Oak Robbyne Eyelet Detail Top

The skirt looks great with the navy blue, cotton, sleeveless shirt. I love the eyelet detail on the front and the openness on the back. Even on the hottest days, this is breathable and looks put-together.  I have worn it dressed up and casually.  It goes with several other pieces from my fixes including the olive linen shorts, floral skirt, and  (maybe in September or October when the temps fall below 90) all my cute jeans.

I swapped out the blue top for the light and comfy gray hi-lo t shirt.  I originally thought this was would be fragile and too precious, but it has worn and washed beautifully.  Like a lot of women, I like have my backside covered and the color is neutral and easy.

Market & Spruce Sam Hi-Lo Short Sleeve Tee

I then found the most lovely linen shorts. Made of linen and tencel, the color is technically red, but reads like a vibrant coral.  They were admittedly the most expensive piece in the box, but what a game changer for summer.  I could wear these non-stop.  They are cool and look great. Of course they wrinkle, being linen, but they are easy and natural.  I would never normally choose shorts at this length, but I feel confident and cute in these. They fit flawlessly and obviously go with both new shirts and many of my old ones.

Level 99 Cindie Linen Short

Finally, Ashlyn tried to honor my request for a floral jacket I saw on Pinterest.  Unfortunately, they didn't have the pattern I saw originally which had a romantic, vintage vibe. I found this floral a little too granny for me and ultimately sold it online.  It was still worth buying for the discount and someone else was happy to get it.

Skies are Blue Amiami Blazer

I still absolutely love this service so much that even my husband signed up for the men's program because he has been so impressed.  I cannot express how much of a time-saver this had been. Although the clothes are more expensive than I normally buy,  I am buying less and getting much better quality.  My wardrobe is age-appropriate and well-curated.  I cannot count the times in the last 6 months when I needed to go somewhere and had the exact right kind of clothes to wear, from school meetings, a funeral, weddings, work meetings, date nights and dinners with friends.  I am what Gretchen Ruben described in her wonderful book about habits - Better Than Before - as an "under buyer."  I will always find a way to talk myself out of buying things I might actually really need.  I can't emphasize enough how much unnecessary stress has been alleviated by outsourcing choosing clothes.  That frees me up to love and care for other people, and that makes me feel great about this choice.


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Also, in case you are wondering, my jewelry is from Noonday Collection.  
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Experiments in Free

At our church, we don't do small groups.  The language and culture of those groups had grown too bulky and loaded for what we hoped to provide at Vintage, so we instituted a different approach, which we have dubbed "Experimental Collectives."  In these gatherings, we choose a topic and attempt to DO things to learn instead of reading something and talking about it and forgetting it.

Much of our work is based on the ideas presented in our friend Mark Scandrette's book Practicing the Way of Jesus.  Sometimes we fail in our attempts, but the process of trying has proven to be incredibly bonding and also much more transformative.   Typically, we gather for 5 to 6 weeks and aim for a high level of commitment and involvement.  We take a break for a few weeks or a month and then start new groups related to major themes that our community values:  Authenticity, Simplicity, Freedom, Purpose and Community.  We have done many interesting experiments over the years, and when Mark and his wife Lisa wrote a book about finances, it became an excellent series in both simplicity and freedom.  The book is called Free: Spending your Time and Money on what Matters Most.     This was our second time to utilize the book in ExCos since we have many new people who have not experienced it.

I don't know if you can imagine inviting a group of people into your life and allowing them to see your actual budget, records of how you actually spend your time, and piles of stuff you purchased, saved, moved, dust and ultimately realize you don't need, but it is humbling and amazing at the same time.  This group had amazing chemistry and was so brave in their involvement.  And as is always the case, we got out of the experiments what we put into them.  There was a genuine sense of sadness as we finished last night, culminating the series with a focus on how we could continue to free ourselves up to be as generous as possible.  This is always an energizing idea to me as I move past wanting to be in a good financial position simply for the sake of feeling security as other Christian financial plans seem to focus on.

As we have entered the Lenten season, our family was influenced by Free to attempt to give up meat for Lent.  Some parts of this have been surprisingly easy:  it seems that I can start dinner later and make dinner faster without defrosting any meat from the freezer.  It is certainly cheaper as we bypass the deli section, frozen chicken breasts, seafood, tuna, etc.  We are eating more vegetables than we did before.  I'm admittedly already a bit tired of cheese, which I never thought I would say.  Charleigh is really over having mushrooms show up in seemingly everything.  As I think and plan for the coming weeks, I am daunted by how many menu slots I will need to fill, but I try to focus on a one week at a time and enjoy choosing seasonal, fresh food to build meals. We break our Lenten fasts on Sundays and celebrate at restaurants with our friends, which breaks up the monotony and makes us much more grateful for our food than we have been in the past.

This is our new favorite quiche recipe, which we have made several times now (including for our potluck last night) without the bacon.  It is extremely tasty and easy to make and our whole family likes it.

If you are longing for a change but feel stuck, or would just like to test-drive a new idea or practice, consider gathering some friends to join you in an experiment.  As Christians, we are motivated to try to love people better by becoming healthier people, but if you are not religious, it is still easier to make changes with the help and energy of friends.  Our lives have so much more dimension when we try new things with people who are with us.  Want to read more about ExCos?  I wrote about them before here and here. 

Stitch Fix #10 - The Stylist Makes a Big Difference!

I received a new Fix today and discovered that I had been assigned a new stylist.  Based on what I have read from other Stitch Fix participants, this can be a real disaster, but in my case, Ashlyn apparently TOTALLY gets me!  While I have been grateful for the things I have gotten in the past because they fit and they worked for me, I wasn't sure the clothes were very "me" at times.  This was the first time I was absolutely confident upon seeing each piece that I was going to love them. These clothes look like me. 

I also think it was curious that I didn't have a strong sense of what my wardrobe needed.  I was unable to give any requests when I got the note that my fix was being chosen, only that I needed breathable fabrics that would not be fragile and too delicate. 

So the first thing I saw was the gray knit shirt.  As soon as I glimpsed the vintage-vibe pink insert in the back, I knew I would love it. 

 Shorter in the front and longer in the back, it is perfectly comfortable and soft. But the back makes it so much more than a simple gray knit shirt, and I know I will love wearing this over and over again. 

Loveappella Lolla Woven Back Mixed Media Knit Top

Next, I found the wonderful floral skirt.  Reminiscent of a vintage wallpaper pattern, it is fully lined.  I was afraid it was too long at first, but then realized it fits like a 1950s pencil skirt.  Another versatile piece,  I know I can easily dress it up or down.  

Pixley Eve Floral Skirt

Loveappella Mayfair Lace Detail Knit Top

Trying it on with the navy blue knit top I also got in this fix was an obvious choice.  It will be fun to style it with a simple lacy tank and jean jacket too. All the colors allow for plenty of options.

The darling little top is so lightweight and soft and has a lace accent across the top of the shoulders, which keeps it from being just a basic t-shirt.  I love the length of the sleeves as well as the length of the torso, which works well for my long waist. 

Market and Spuce Jamie Button Down Cotton Shirt

Let's talk about classics, shall we?  A button front white shirt with a a couple of perfect twists: elbow sleeves are perfect for me.  I hate anything long and floppy around my wrists, so I always push up my sleeves. The sides have coordinating knit panels that keep it fitting smooth.  This shirt is knit with a cotton back, so it breaths and has the vibe of a basic white shirt, while being as comfortable as a T. The cut is super flattering. 

Finally,  I got another pair of jeans.  At first I thought, "I don't really need more jeans."  But then I tried them on and realized, "YES I DO."  Especially since they are an extremely dark wash, almost black, which makes them appear much dressier than normal jeans. They are bootcut, and a little on the long side, perfect for wearing with my favorite heels, which also makes them great for church, date night, and school programs.  I have lost exactly 1 pound of baby weight: thanks for noticing! I'm not exaggerating one little bit, so my new stylist is some kind of genius, because I feel like I lost 20 pounds. 

Liverpool Denise Bootcut Jean

 

Here they are with the little navy t-shirt....adorable, right?  Having these basics is a great treat.  I didn't realize how much I needed some of these wardrobe extenders, but I know I can layer, mix and match, and wear these things in so many ways.

Want to try Stitchfix?  Please do! Comment here and use my referral code in this link.

Stitch Fix #9

I've been participating with a Stitch fix group on Facebook, and by participate, I mean: I look at the pictures of other things people have gotten.  I have learned that you can sneak a peek at what you are getting as soon as you get the tracking information.  I decided that I like being surprised though, and I did NOT look ahead of time, but I thought you, dear reader, might like to know about this little trick.  Also, looking at the group pictures makes it really obvious that my stylist really does work hard. Her choices for me obviously take into account my many quirks, preferences and hang-ups!

I'm not feeling nearly as many holes in my wardrobe these days, so I mentioned to my stylist that I have two events coming up:  An Art opening at Heartwood Gallery on August 22 and our 19th anniversary.  I actually told her it was our 18th because I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that it's almost 20 years that we've been married and that seems impossible.  I mean, we're just kids! We have an infant!  And, oh yeah... a nearly 16 year old...

Donna Morgan Ashlyn Dress

This is the first thing I put on from the box.  I would never in a million years pick this dress off the rack for myself.  But when I put it on, I felt amazing. The way it drapes and the pattern really keep the eye from settling on any problem areas. It's comfortable and easy to move in, and it would be appropriate for so many occasions, not just date night.  This is a clear winner. 

Papermoon Shepherd Crochet Dress

When I saw this dress, I loved it, but I was afraid it would be too small on me.  A knit lining makes it very forgiving and I really love it.  I can see it styled in so many ways and I tried out several right away.  Too bad it is summer in Arkansas so even in air conditioning, it is sweltering hot.  I don't think the beads of sweat dripping off my nose really sell the look,  so you don't get to see it with the dark tights and boots I tried it with.  But I will show it with the inevitable cardigan...because I will probably never get rid of my inner librarian.  

Sweet Rain Rochford Button Down Blouse

This is such a pretty top and a floral I can live with!  My husband took one look at it and said, "That is so you!" I don't really need more tops at this point, but maybe just this last one....until winter!

Kut from the Kloth Kate Distressed Boyfriend Jean

I was surprised by another pair of jeans, but these are a clear win.  I like the wash, the cut and the fit.   The only thing that has be concerned now is that I seem to be a bit between sizes. These felt great the first time I put them on, but then felt a little big the next time I put them on.  So it might be time to size down, but I'm not sure.  I kind of wish I had both sizes to compare at this point. 

Market and Spruce Emma Maxi Skirt

I also mentioned to my stylist that I needed some more bottoms: skirts, shorts, etc.  So she sent this maxi skirt.  I'd never tried a maxi skirt before and I was definitely game for it. It fits and it is really well made, but I realized right away that I do NOT like maxi skirts on me.  All I see is fundamentalist modesty style. This is a look that has too much emotional baggage for me. I do enjoy wearing skirts for the freedom of movement; I walk fast and take big steps but this was just too much fabric around my legs.  I kept it because the discount on buying all five items more than paid for it, but I would like to sell this piece ($45 dollars with shipping).  I can also see in the pictures that brighter colors can be good on me, but I don't think I like cobalt blue; it's just too close to purple for me.  So add that to the list of quirks, I guess!

Hooray for Amanda! Hooray for Stitch Fix!  Try it out and use my code: https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/4519894

Stitch Fix #8 Review

My 8th fix was scheduled to arrive while I was visiting my parents.  I just changed the shipping address to theirs, and my Uncle Phil delivered it with his usual rural route delivery.  No fuss, no muss.  I packed a couple outfits fewer knowing I might get some new things I would keep and I did!

Papermoon Violeta Scallop Detail Blouse

First off, I was delighted with the sleeveless black top.  The design is clean and interesting. Black is always my favorite color and the weight of this fabric is nice and light with no need for a cami underneath. This is very me.  Unlike some of my other Stitch-fix tops, it does not feel precious.  I will be curious how it wears as the edges are unfinished.  Soon, I will do an overview of how these clothes have held up to actual wear.

Just Black - Adorra Skinny Jean

 Jeans. Jeans that fit. Jeans that I can wear with anything. Jeans that don't sag. Jeans that are long enough. Jeans that can be rolled up.  Jeans that are the right color blue. Jeans that aren't too heavy for summer. Jeans, for the love.  THANK YOU AMANDA!  Do you have any idea how many things I can now wear the way I wear things now that I have a functional pair of jeans?  I wore them about 6 times at my parent's house and then I got home and washed them and look how great they look!  The fabric blend is excellent.  Sometimes a stretch skinny jean feels so plastic-y, you start sweating before you get them on.  These breathe. Wonderful, I tell you. I feel like a new person.










 

En Creme Tully lace Black Cardigan

Up next, this little ecru cardigan for the win.  I like the boho-vintage vibe of this piece. I like that I can throw it on with anything and it just works.  I wore it over a boring Old Navy tank top last night and didn't feel over-exposed.  It flaps a little and catches the breeze, so it's not too hot. I could wear it over my swimsuit for a cover-up if need be.  I loved wearing it with the jeans and a simple top.  I asked for a kimono-type wrap, but I think I like this just as well.

Collective Concepts Andres Split Back Blouse

This botanical print top is interesting in the back and I generally like the color combination, but it has a tendency to slip forward and make little flaps appear at my hips.  I've worn it several times and I like that it is light and airy and not sheer.  However,  I keep asking for floral and I keep getting botanical.  These tropical prints feel super Granny-in-Florida to me and I don't love them.  I just don't relate to these patterns at all.  Send me something with flowers I grow in my own garden: roses, daisies, zinnias, lilies, etc.  Tropical prints are just not me.  Unless someone wants to send me to Hawaii....

Mavi Alena Collared Button Down Top

Finally, this simple sleeveless button front shirt in a denim-like chambray.  This is more than I have ever spent on a shirt in my life; it borders on the absurd, really.  The cut and color are unremarkable, though classic.  On the plus side, though it fits me snugly, it is slimming and well made.  I even dare to photograph it from the open side of the placard, so you can see that the snaps are strong and placed intelligently so I can wear it without concern of a wardrobe malfunction.  As my career as an on-demand drink station comes to end in the coming months, this will be a little more practical for me.

In hindsight, it might have made better sense for me to keep the first three pieces and return the last two, but I was on vacation with a badly injured eye and I might not have been thinking very strategically.  As it stands, I have worn all of the pieces more than once except the sleeveless button front top.

 I don't miss shopping.  I still love Stitch Fix. It's not perfect, but when I think of all the frustration I did not have to face looking for jeans...it is totally worth it!  If you decide to try it, please use my referral code! https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/4519894