Monday, October 31, 2005


Woke up last night to a strange sound that took a few minutes of foggy thought to identify….rain. The house has a metal roof, so the pinging is just a tad different from a regular shingle roof. Still, a nice sound. And there is a queen size bed here, so it isn’t so bad when Vin comes running in, scared of the lightning and thunder.

I woke up in the morning from a vivid dream about my grandparents. We were having Thanksgiving at their house….my husband and kids, and I remember some other aunts and uncles…..but mostly I remember my Grandparents. Grandma was still sick, so Grandpa was doing the cooking. I could literally smell his old cologne. I could smell the stuffing, and heard the buzzing of the electric knife cutting the turkey. I recall the wiggling-puppy-feeling inside as I came and stood next to him in the kitchen and put my arm around him as he put an arm around my shoulder. “Finesse” is what my nickname was. We all had them. All twenty-some grandkids had a nickname. How I miss them.

They finally sold the house. I suppose that is what called the dream up from my subconscious. I am trying to be happy for the house to start again….to have a new young family living there when it has been well over 80 years since a young family lived there. I may get over losing the house.

I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing them. Grandpa was gone so suddenly. “At least he didn’t linger” people said. Grandma struggled along for so long, sick and suffering. “At least you were prepared and could say goodbye” people said. People should always ALWAYS shut up at funerals. In three years, two people who thought everything I did was great were gone. You don’t get a lot of people in your life who think you are great. You don’t get a lot of people who spend their best “free” years running around to piano recitals and basketball games and college plays on the other side of the state, taking pictures of you with your head cut off most of the time, all the while offering you pop and Bugles to snack on.

My Grandparents made a lot of memories for us. They made each birthday meaningful and each Christmas too. Grandma was fair to each of us to a fault: if one grandkid got something, every grandkid got something….and thus traditions were born. Grandpa gave us each an identity…a special name of our own. We weren’t just one of the grandkids, we were individuals. As we got older, he enjoyed us more. Neither of them ever judged any of us….whatever haircut or life choice or weird date we showed up with, they just accepted it without the slightest bit of criticism.

Nearly every time we pass a cemetery, Vin says mournfully, “That reminds me of Great Grandma.” He was old enough to remember her funeral and it must have made a big impression on him. We try to explain that we don’t have to be sad….Grandma is all better in Heaven. But on some level, he must read me that I am still sad.


klasieprof said...

JUST got this in an email...umm..modified it to make it more acceptable..SEE how much I"m learning ness???

My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce. The long walks we used to take. The long drives, the special
trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give!

Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today

and sharing his pearls of wisdom, I'd be a better man.

Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in

the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when I was only 12.

We were sitting in a park, watching children and their mothers enjoying a beautiful spring day.

He told me that one day, I'd find a woman and start my own family.

"And son," he said, "be sure you marry a woman with small hands."

"How come, Grandpa?" I asked.

"It makes your privites look bigger."
..........Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?

Sara said...

It is has been 7 years since i lost the best friend i've ever had...and sometimes it still hurts to think about all the times that she wasn't around to help me, to hold, me to tell me that i was loved.

My house that i grew up in with those memories is no longer mine...her bedroom is filled with someone elses stuff..and it hurts that the one place i wish i could go to for refuge and comfort is no longer there to go to.

I guess that is where learning and trusting God comes into is okay to be sad when our hearts long for the ones we haven't seen in a long time. Loved ones that changed our lives because they seemed to have seen something in you that no one else did. They knew how to love because they lived so long and had made so many mistakes tthat they knew what was really important.

klasieprof said...

JOy just said SUnday..."I sure miss gramma and grampa in the woods"...guess I've done a decent job of talking about them,as they had passed away before she was born....

qtjktz:...what view guys get when a swim suit slips

Courtney said...

I can still remember the smell of that big white car they had that had the funny interior---I don't know what kind it was but there was this distinctive smell that brings back memories of English muffin pizzas and Shackley pills and old make-up containers and little soaps and kapusta and how scared I was of the dirt floor in the basement and how Grandpa would disassemble the tractors for fun. I remember the day Ashley was born because of them and that my decisions were important because of them simply letting us pick where we wanted to eat for our birthdays. Do you remember flying kites on Easter? Going through Gram's clothes for Spirit Week? Daring each other to eat the canned peas when they weren't looking? I love how Grandpa would mow over any flower beds that weren't next to the house but always beat Dad in having tomatoes in the garden first. I love how Grandma matched the bazillion decks of cards she had with each room's decor. I remember the smile she gave me when she saw me pregnant with Dora.

ness said...

Donna, you goof ball.

Sara, I'm glad I gave you an opportunity to think about your Grandma. I feel sometimes like people think I should be over losing them...and if I'm not, I should hurry up. I'm glad to give you the opportunity to miss her. You deserve it. could you forget poptarts and toaster strudel???? Rare delicasies that only Grandma would give us.

ah yes, the Impala. Not that scaled down and sleek thing out today...but Grandpa's gigantic 70's boat. Oh yeah!

wanna play a game of rat?

Courtney said...

It's funny you mentioned the toaster strudels...I just got some for Dora the other day (coupon!) and ended up telling her how Gram would buy them 'specially for us.
I was too little to remember the name of the car but I just remember the holes punched into the interior and that smell.
You know what we didn't mention? The Shows for Christmas!!! "hi, my name is Teddy Rukspin, can you and I be friends?" h aha hahaha

actually said...

i need to join in here..ritz crackers and cheese and always "the get-along gang"...i took that cassette and still listen to it when i miss them. remember the time that gramdma made us watch "16 candles" because court was 16. jake ryan...hubba hubba...

klasieprof said...

uumgapws: the gunk intbetween a dog or cats toes

was reading..found this great quote on grief: ' not a song with a beginning, middle, and end, but an endless symphony playing infinte variations on the same theme. One part fades, and another starts. But somehow the sun keeps moving across the sky..,"Peter Blauner

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