Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Once Upon A Time.... a far off land, called Suburbia
there lived a little girl with brown hair and brown eyes,
just like her momma had always dreamed of.
But the little girl was extraordinarily poky in the mornings
and made her big brother and sister and her momma extremely frustrated.
Because when they were bustling about,
doing the morning kinds of things that need to be done,
Poky Little  Girl is taking her sweet time
deeply contemplating everything from the feel
of water on her hands,
the things that Polly Pocket might want to do today,
which pair of shoes are the pinkest and most sparkly
and how much she dislikes eggs.

On this particularly fine morning,
Poky Little Girl is at her pokiest.
And Momma is tired of yelling and hustling
and reminding and warning and cajoling and setting the timer
and offering stickers and yelling some more.
So Momma begins an experiment.
Not a plan...because a  plan has a definitive effect.
But a true, open ended experiement.
Momma stops yelling and informs the other two children
that Poky Little Girl will have to decide to speed up on her own.
They attempt screaming at the Pokey Little Girl,
which Momma says is not ok
and decide to walk to school
rather than wait for Poky Little Girl.
And that is fine. Because they usually walk home from school,
so walking to school is just fine.
But they are NOT happy with Poky Little Girl.

A full 15 minutes late,
Poky Little Girl does seem to sense some urgency
and manages to get out the front door with
her teeth brushed, her lunch and backpack in tow,
her hair not exactly brushed,
to the car where Momma sits quietly waiting
with the door open for her to climb in.
Only when she is strapped in
does Momma pull out of the driveway.

At the school, the door where Poky Little Girl
normally goes in, is firmly locked
and she has to be escorted by Momma
(who is dressed but didn't brush her hair, OR her teeth)
to the office to get checked in.
On the way to the office,
Friendly Teachers' Aid greets P.L.G.
warmly, but Momma winks an explanation that they are
headed to the office.
"Oh, the announcements are not quite done..she can still make it to class."

"Oh NO." says Momma sagely.  "I think she is very tardy. She has been very poky today
and I think that she will need a tardy slip."

"But she is so cute and sweet!  I would love to take her home with me!"  Teacher's Aid bubbles.

"Please don't encourage her." Momma says dryly.

At the office, Momma is more keenly aware of the state of her teeth and hair,
but she explains slowly and patiently that her near first-grader is making the whole family so
frustrated by her pokiness in the morning, that Momma, channeling Bill Cosby,  thinks it will help if Poky Little Girl gets a tardy slip.

Office Kim is very wise and a Momma herself.  She writes the tardy slip and tries to explain to PLG  that being early to school is much more fun than getting a tardy slip
that goes on your report card.

But PLG, impervious as ever, crinkles up her brown eyes and giggles and Momma gets the distinct impression that short of letting Big Brother and Sister pound on her, Pokey Little Girl will continue as the Pokiest Little Girl on planet earth.

And Daddy is almost late to work because Momma took his car to the school.

The End.

(What?   You were expecting some kind of triumphant ending? This is not the Cosby Show.)


Clark Kent's Lunchbox said...

we have puppies from the same liter I think.

12-arrows said...

Oh my goodness that was hilarious! I, too, have a PLG but shes 12 and drives her family insane with her pokey-ness....

wendy said...

were you atleast wearing a multi-colored sweater and/or shoulder pads?

Keri said...

My PLB is almost a 4th grader. He doesn't get it.

Life with Kaishon said...

My puppy isn't poky so I couldn't relate : )
I did however, relate completely to the Aid in the hallway. Your puppy is just SO stinking cute!

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