I'm in one of those vortexes of faith. I want to desperately believe that God will take care of us, but on the other hand, I doubt very highly that He is willing or likely to drop the cash for tires, a broken computer and travel expenses for this wedding in our lap. And I confess I have no idea what He wants us to do...I feel like a caged little animal, with God poking at me, saying "Now what are you gonna do?" Of course, God is much better than an 8 year old kid who has trapped a mouse, but I still feel like He is trying to illicit a holy response from me.
I gave up wine. Probably NOT permanently. But it didn't feel right to me to purchase something so comforting and luxurious to placate myself when we have "not been able" to give as much as we would like to Him. I was piqued during Aaron's sermons on money not once but twice about this. Far from giving me a high five or a "You go, girl!" God instead greeted my resolve with more financial stress.
I don't know the right answer and if you try to say you know, I will think you are a real jerk. This is my little challenge.
Here is what I do know for sure.
God is good, but that doesn't mean He owes me something.
Even when I am doing the right thing, He doesn't owe me anything.
There is no dance I can perform to get what I want/need from Him.
He knows our needs.
He knows our hearts.
I want to respond in faith, not fear.
So that's the heart of it all. Around that swirl all the details that have to be taken care of today...the ebay boxes to pack with no packing supplies, the fuses that need to be fixed in the car so the kids can watch movies during our 18 hour car drive, small group tonight, cleaning and packing, email to answer, thoughts to think, being really present at this wedding, and present in our own lives.
"He remembers that we are dust."
6 comments:
Ness,
I don't have anything profound to say, but to let you know that a lot of people are praying for ya'll and that God has a plan. This weekend at the girl's retreat I was reminded that God plans my day with all of the stresses of life for my good even when I don't feel comfortable with my life. We're here to live not just to survive. I love ya girl and know that God knows your needs. Have a safe trip this weekend! Tell Sara hi from all of us!
~Jaye T.
I couldn't get married with out you all being here..it just wouldn't feel right...
God will do something, he is faithful and just and I read in mark the other day about the feeding of the 4 thousand and then a few days later they are wondering if they will starve on the ship they are on. And Jesus said "Were you not there when I fed 4 thousand people off of 5 loaves of bread and 4 fish?: (maybe it was 3 fish?)
The disciples just didn't get it yet God always took care of them...we can trust him, and it's so good to see you doing that.
I don't have any answers...just know that Carl and I love ya and we are praying for you.
And besides that, something BIG is afoot . . .
Your words are felt in the marrow of my bones, in the recesses of my spirit. They scream with the reality of circumstances that deny any hope of resolution in a faith batter and bruised by life and self. Yet I live to see them denied and defeated by the power of a personal God displayed to me, in me. May it start in your circumstances even now for all our sakes.
"God is good, but that doesn't mean He owes me something.
Even when I am doing the right thing, He doesn't owe me anything.
There is no dance I can perform to get what I want/need from Him.
He knows our needs.
He knows our hearts.
I want to respond in faith, not fear."
If I may be so bold, I would likt to say that if you know these things, you will be fine...
Your faith reminds me of the Jewish traditions. You still believe and hold fast even it's by one pinky. That's more than most, you sweet girl.
Hmmm.....bigger than a breadbox? Or smaller than a mustard seed?
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