Saturday night, I could feel a panic attack coming on. *Oh yeah, warning here...this is going to be a typically painfully honest post...just FYI. And also, it is about money, which part of me thinks is a highly inappropriate topic to be honest about. But this is an area that God is really working me over in, and it is occupying about 85 percent of my brain right now. I'm guessing I'm not the only one who is anxious about it at times. So here goes...
So anyway, yeah, I'm talking full on heart-palpatations, hyperventilating, terrified, walls-closing in, panic attack.
See, on Friday, Robb got a raise. That's good. I'm happy about it. He's gotten two paychecks since starting the new job: the first was a little short because he started on a Wednesday. The second one was reality. The reality was that with good health insurance and lots of other nice benefits, the actual deposit in the bank was a little less than we need to live....and by live, I mean pay our bills. So he talked with his boss, asked for a raise and got it.
But after close examination of the budget, we're still a little short. I'm thinking about this month and next month and the month after that...I'm thinking about taxes and when ebay slows down in the summer and on and on and on...and even though there is food in the fridge and people are bidding away on my auctions and a check came in the mail so we could get the Christmas tree that I prayed for...the panic started to wash over me.
I tried to hold on to the verse about not worrying about what you'll eat and what you'll wear tomorrow, but the waves started to wash over me.
So I told Robb what I was feeling. He held me and we prayed. We went to sleep and I slept all night.
In the morning, even though didn't know how we would pay the babysitter we hired for the VF open house that night, I put a roast in the oven and we headed off to church. A' handed me a reimbursment check from some VF stuff I got awhile ago and Jaye T gave me a pile of sweaters she didn't need after cleaning out her closet. Nice, long sleeved sweaters which I really needed. And babysitter money, gas money and even enough for milk and eggs...covered.
God provides for us. He has so far and He will in the future. Of course it is hard to trust Him. But He is faithful. Part of me wanted to say, "Yeah, but we would have gotten that check anyway..." or even "That the check that came for the tree was no big deal." But then I stopped myself, aghast. We prayed and God provided. God has provided jobs for both the guys. He has brought Kevin and Mary close. He brought a friend for Sara. He feeds and clothes us. He brought renters to our house in MI. We've been remarkable healthy. And we are learning to manage our finances properly. That alone is some kind of miracle.
He really does dress us like flowers and feed us like birds.
6 comments:
This is a subject close to my heart. We have found ourselves in this kind of situation numerable times. I know that panicked feeling of dread all too well. As often as I've had that feeling, I've watched God provide things in completely unexpected ways and way more than we could have imagined. (Maybe He does that so that I can't take any of the credit myself.) It's good to hear how He has provided for you too.
Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey? I read The Total Money Makeover this year and listen to his radio show and it has been a huge help.
I actually almost didn't write that check. I thought at first I'd wait until after Sunday's offering to know where we stood and if I could write the check to pay the Vintage credit card. But something stopped me Sunday morning and said, "They probably could really use that reimbursement, and you know there's enough to cover it, and there will be enough after the offering to pay the credit card bill, so just write the check now." So I did.
WOW.
mmmm ... birdfeed.
when i moved to iowa, i didn't even have any money to buy food. some ladies at my new job ended up bringing me groceries. i know that i will always have enough...even if it isn't much.
"God will take care of you
Through every day, ore' all the way
He will take CAREEEE of YOUUUU
God will take care of you".
I found your blog after searching on "ebay, mommy blog" or something like that, hoping to find mothers that sell on ebay for a bit of cash.
My husband and I are currently trying to get to the States (I'm an American, he's a Kiwi) in order for him to start seminary. I've lived abroad now for nine years and would really like my family to get to know our kids, etc. The money part of it is tight, like actually we'd be in defecit :) But we've been praying like mad and really believe that the Lord wants us to do this. And we're like - what?? that's nuts! But it's almost like he's saying - I dare you. See what I can do.
Thanks for your post. I'm encouraged.
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