Sunday, July 23, 2006
WHAT IS MY EBAY PASSWORD????
Finally figured out how to log in through my mom's computer's unbelievable firewall setting, but for the life of me, I have no flinging flanging clue what my password is for ebay.....Ideas anyone?
Friday, July 21, 2006
45 minutes alone with....me.
I had an ebay buyer from Bentonville and I opted to deliver her purchase rather than ship it. We chose the coffee house off the highway to meet at 9;45 a.m. yesterday morning.
There was a church sale half way there that started at 8:00 a.m., so I got there bright and early, made my purchases and made it to the coffee shop by 9:00 a.m. I ordered a cup of coffee which took about 5 minutes off my wait. And then I just sat there. For 45 minutes with nothing to read, no tv, no computer, no kids, no dog, no phone, no hubby, just me and my thoughts and eventually...God.
Five minutes of just sitting still is a long time. Forty-five is like an eternity in some ways. It's long enough to open mental closet doors where ugly, disorganized, and incomplete thoughts are shoved.
I prayed. Not like the the laundry list kind of prayer, but the kind where you actually talk to God. And He said, "I'm here."
I confessed sin. When you are a little kid, you think that grown-ups are perfect. I mean, come on...they don't fight with their brother, get jealous of their sisters, be lazy about homework or lose their temper when they can't get their dumb bike chain back on. And then one morning you wake up a grown up and realize afresh just how sinful you really are and that you have not mastered the desire to fight with other people, be jealous for things you don't have, be lazy about your work and get angry when you can't do what you want to do any better than when you were six years old. You may have developed better social skills to hide those things, but it's all lurking there just below the good manners. Quite frankly the only other time in my life that has sucked more than this past year was the year I turned 13. I ran into heartache at every turn that year...driven by exactly the same things that have driven me this year: the desire to be loved and accepted, to matter, to feel safe and secure...back then I desired those things more than any relationship with God, and I still have to fight through that now.
I asked myself hard questions, like "Tell the truth, do you think God is doing a good job with your life?" The answer of course, was a resounding, "No I do not." Clearly, it would be much better if Robb got the managers job so I could stop worrying about money. It would be much better if the house would sell so we could stop worrying about where we live and money. It would be better if the church planting thing was going the way the guys who wrote the book about it said it was supposed to go. Of course, I mean all this in the obvious, "I hate being uncomfortable" kind of way, not the "His ways are higher than my ways" kind of better.
It was a strange appointment. A time to take stock. To be alone with God and myself and get some perspective. To ask forgiveness. To be loved in spite of myself.
There was a church sale half way there that started at 8:00 a.m., so I got there bright and early, made my purchases and made it to the coffee shop by 9:00 a.m. I ordered a cup of coffee which took about 5 minutes off my wait. And then I just sat there. For 45 minutes with nothing to read, no tv, no computer, no kids, no dog, no phone, no hubby, just me and my thoughts and eventually...God.
Five minutes of just sitting still is a long time. Forty-five is like an eternity in some ways. It's long enough to open mental closet doors where ugly, disorganized, and incomplete thoughts are shoved.
I prayed. Not like the the laundry list kind of prayer, but the kind where you actually talk to God. And He said, "I'm here."
I confessed sin. When you are a little kid, you think that grown-ups are perfect. I mean, come on...they don't fight with their brother, get jealous of their sisters, be lazy about homework or lose their temper when they can't get their dumb bike chain back on. And then one morning you wake up a grown up and realize afresh just how sinful you really are and that you have not mastered the desire to fight with other people, be jealous for things you don't have, be lazy about your work and get angry when you can't do what you want to do any better than when you were six years old. You may have developed better social skills to hide those things, but it's all lurking there just below the good manners. Quite frankly the only other time in my life that has sucked more than this past year was the year I turned 13. I ran into heartache at every turn that year...driven by exactly the same things that have driven me this year: the desire to be loved and accepted, to matter, to feel safe and secure...back then I desired those things more than any relationship with God, and I still have to fight through that now.
I asked myself hard questions, like "Tell the truth, do you think God is doing a good job with your life?" The answer of course, was a resounding, "No I do not." Clearly, it would be much better if Robb got the managers job so I could stop worrying about money. It would be much better if the house would sell so we could stop worrying about where we live and money. It would be better if the church planting thing was going the way the guys who wrote the book about it said it was supposed to go. Of course, I mean all this in the obvious, "I hate being uncomfortable" kind of way, not the "His ways are higher than my ways" kind of better.
It was a strange appointment. A time to take stock. To be alone with God and myself and get some perspective. To ask forgiveness. To be loved in spite of myself.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Panic
You know when you start a different schedule and you find yourself kinda relaxing and enjoying the new feeling of doing things a bit differently, and then all of sudden, you have this feeling of complete asphixiating PANIC that you aren't getting things done that you need to do?
My mom does it frequently when she visits...she is a diabetic and forgets to "shoot up" with insulin. She says she is just having such a good time, she just forgets.
I may have done that with the water bill. I suddenly feel like I've forgotten to do all kinds of responsible things. I feel completely scattered...especially with the two older kids gone. It's a sickening feeling if you are at all familiar with it. It almost makes "vacation" and "change of pace" NOT good things. ugh.
My mom does it frequently when she visits...she is a diabetic and forgets to "shoot up" with insulin. She says she is just having such a good time, she just forgets.
I may have done that with the water bill. I suddenly feel like I've forgotten to do all kinds of responsible things. I feel completely scattered...especially with the two older kids gone. It's a sickening feeling if you are at all familiar with it. It almost makes "vacation" and "change of pace" NOT good things. ugh.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Cortisone...who knew?
So Robb finally had his doctor's appointment yesterday, where he had x-rays done on his poor miserable feet. The doctor threw all kinds of medical terms at us and reminded me a great deal of "Alex" on Grey's Anatomy, but I frankly didn't care that much what he was like as long as he did SOMETHING. He thinks it is an advanced case of ligament inflamation called Plantar Faceitis (or something like that). He gave Robb a shot of corisone in his left foot and put him on a couple of prescriptions, gave him inserts for work and two braces to wear at night. It will take at least 3 months to heal (and knowing Robb's incredible slowness to heal just in general, it will be more like 5 or 6), but by the time we got to Walmart after the appointment, he was already feeling better. He came home last night with less than half of the swelling and hardly any pain (in comparison). He did kick off the braces at about 4 a.m. this morning, but was able to get up without limping and yelling out in pain (which he has been doing for about a month).
I don't think I had realized how much this had been wearing on us until the 500 pound weight of worry had been lifted. It has been excrutiating to watch him; I can't imagine how much physical pain he has had. Honestly, on Sunday, he didn't even get up; he slept in till 10 and went back to sleep for hours by 3 p.m. and went right to sleep again that night. I asked the doctor about rheumatoid arthritis (which I have been nervous about), and he said that while it isn't "off the table" completely, they are going to treat this problem first and see if he responds. If he gets better, than we shouldn't worry further. He had chills again this morning, but did seem to be a lot better overall. It's nice to have him back. He joked a lot about it, but it's been terrible, really. He's been really tough and I'm proud of him, but I hope that he is soon to be done with the pain altogether.
Now...if our house would just sell and a new job would come along....
I don't think I had realized how much this had been wearing on us until the 500 pound weight of worry had been lifted. It has been excrutiating to watch him; I can't imagine how much physical pain he has had. Honestly, on Sunday, he didn't even get up; he slept in till 10 and went back to sleep for hours by 3 p.m. and went right to sleep again that night. I asked the doctor about rheumatoid arthritis (which I have been nervous about), and he said that while it isn't "off the table" completely, they are going to treat this problem first and see if he responds. If he gets better, than we shouldn't worry further. He had chills again this morning, but did seem to be a lot better overall. It's nice to have him back. He joked a lot about it, but it's been terrible, really. He's been really tough and I'm proud of him, but I hope that he is soon to be done with the pain altogether.
Now...if our house would just sell and a new job would come along....
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Cool new look courtesy of hubby
In between episodes of "I love the 70s" on VH1, while sitting in our pjs, hubby helped me fix up my blog. Thanks, Babe!
Fighting over Manna
As the buying season goes on, I've begun making a conscious effort to stop and pray before I hit the sales. This is not a legalistic hoop I jump through to assure God's favor on me, but rather a reminder of the fact that He really does provide for us. The stuff is out there...every weekened, like manna (the food God provided for the wandering Isrealites in the wilderness); I must be faithful to go and pick it up. It can be ugly at times...the wrangling over prices, the snatching before someone else can get it, the clutching of "finds" and holding them like a newborn baby so that no-one else can walk off with them...I'm telling you, it can be nasty sometimes...this fighting over manna. (I am ashamed to say that I was once flagrantly guilty of this kind of behavior and in God's truly ironic way, five minutes later I was proudly introduced to the person I had clashed with by one our church members as "Our sweet Pastor's Wife." Color me reformed.)
So I've learned. I try not to yell at my kids or husband to hurry up and let me get going to the sales. I try not to yell at the car in front of me for not moving fast enough. I try not to be too grabby at a sale. I try to be polite to the sellers, especially those at an estate sale. I may ask for a bargain on a big pile of stuff I'm not sure about, but I don't ask for a lower price on anything that I know is going to be a good buy. And I remember that God provides for us in the shape of Majolica plates, chintz trinket boxes, designer clocks and signed glassware. He gives it when we need it, so there is no sense trying to rush ahead and gather too much on a given day. This is our manna....our very "what IS it?"
Yesteray, I planned. I mapped the sales. I drove dutifully to each one, getting a few things. Then, on a whim, I stopped at what looked like a very doudy kind of sale. Didn't even have tables to put things on. A pile of clothes on one side. Tiny trinkets and glassware on the other. "How much for your little doo-dabs?" I asked the man of the sale. "25 cents each. I just want to get rid of stuff." says he. I walked away with a boxful of stuff that turned out to be worth 100 times what I paid for it. This, to me, is God. There are no coincidences. He knows. So I try to maintain the joy of a treasure seeker, and not become a hard-faced business woman. When I stop to talk with the Lord about it, I am reminded of his very goodness to us. I must stop striving and worrying...His provision will be there again in the morning.
So I've learned. I try not to yell at my kids or husband to hurry up and let me get going to the sales. I try not to yell at the car in front of me for not moving fast enough. I try not to be too grabby at a sale. I try to be polite to the sellers, especially those at an estate sale. I may ask for a bargain on a big pile of stuff I'm not sure about, but I don't ask for a lower price on anything that I know is going to be a good buy. And I remember that God provides for us in the shape of Majolica plates, chintz trinket boxes, designer clocks and signed glassware. He gives it when we need it, so there is no sense trying to rush ahead and gather too much on a given day. This is our manna....our very "what IS it?"
Yesteray, I planned. I mapped the sales. I drove dutifully to each one, getting a few things. Then, on a whim, I stopped at what looked like a very doudy kind of sale. Didn't even have tables to put things on. A pile of clothes on one side. Tiny trinkets and glassware on the other. "How much for your little doo-dabs?" I asked the man of the sale. "25 cents each. I just want to get rid of stuff." says he. I walked away with a boxful of stuff that turned out to be worth 100 times what I paid for it. This, to me, is God. There are no coincidences. He knows. So I try to maintain the joy of a treasure seeker, and not become a hard-faced business woman. When I stop to talk with the Lord about it, I am reminded of his very goodness to us. I must stop striving and worrying...His provision will be there again in the morning.
Friday, July 14, 2006
It's been awhile...
It's been awhile since I blogged. Since the last post: my son turned 5, my in-laws came for a visit, Charleigh wrapped two grandparents around her little fingers, Robb's feet swelled to unbelievable new sizes, I bought and sold a vintage superman garbage can, we had our second Vintage Fellowship service, I lost 5 pounds but sadly replaced them while showing the fam all our favorite eating joints, and we're still hanging in there. Tomorrow, my in-laws will take my two older kids and hie them to Michigan to visit their cousins for a week. Robb has a doctor's appointment for his feet and we are chasing down some new possibilities for jobs.
It's not a sprint, this thing we are doing. It's a hundred-mile-death march, I think. So we are trudging. A little miserable at times, but still with a certain expectation that there is something out there on the horizon...
It's not a sprint, this thing we are doing. It's a hundred-mile-death march, I think. So we are trudging. A little miserable at times, but still with a certain expectation that there is something out there on the horizon...
Thursday, July 06, 2006
okay, so this a little bit funny
Look for my auction between a dollar tip signed by Eminem and Paris and Britney's psyche sketch (whatever the stink that is). You'll recognize it from the rah-rah for the Browns.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
The Joy of the Lord is my Strength
So we heard today that Robb is not going to get the managers job at FCS. Though the regional managers and human resources love him and think he is doing a fabulous job, a CEO has decided that with competition coming into town, they want someone with more managerial experience. We have been living on the interim manager's pay, but going back to the regular per hour pay essentially means that we are out of a job.
We have two house-payments, three hungry kids, yawning debt that only widens its mouth larger to swollow us up. We are trying to get ready for the next Vintage Service and company coming and maybe Sara coming to stay with us until she gets her own place. I have mountains of ebay work and laundry and a sinkful of dirty dishes and empty cupboards. Um, the truth is, it kinda sucks.
This isn't how I pictured my life in ministry. I think that picture, though it is thoroughly tattered and splattered with teardrops now, had me wearing Jackie O suits standing next to my husband at the back of the church bidding adieu to our adoring congregation who found everything we did charming and stimulating to their own Christian walk. In fact, by virtue of our creativity and incredible leadership skills, we somehow had a growing and famous church and in our spare time, hubby got his doctorate and wrote life-changing books that sold like hotcakes and allowed me to have the beautiful rose garden where I held ladies Bible studies in the cool morning hours, where I served delicious home-made coffee cake on antique china.
Yeah, so that's over.
I never really understood the concept of the Joy of the Lord. I knew it wasn't wearing an idiotic and blank smile in the face of difficulty, but I had a hard time coming up with a replacement image.
I think now that it might be this....that when you look around and it appears that you may have spilled your life's cup on the ground-whether by accident or just being careless- it's not over. There is something more. Something beyond just this place and time and this series of needs and worries. The joy of the Lord...the intimate knowlege of the Holy One...just having this relationship with him, is enough to give you strength to keep going.
We have never really lived the realties we have taught people about: lost jobs, physical aches and pains, and even more painful uncertainty. It was no crime that we hadn't. It wasn't part of God plan for us...until now. I don't know what people who don't know God do when they get to this point in their lives. I suppose they drink or find a new relationship or try to get a good job that pays a lot of money to insulate them from the pain. What I do know is that even if we are being pressed in on every side, that we will not be crushed. The joy of the Lord will be our strength.
We have two house-payments, three hungry kids, yawning debt that only widens its mouth larger to swollow us up. We are trying to get ready for the next Vintage Service and company coming and maybe Sara coming to stay with us until she gets her own place. I have mountains of ebay work and laundry and a sinkful of dirty dishes and empty cupboards. Um, the truth is, it kinda sucks.
This isn't how I pictured my life in ministry. I think that picture, though it is thoroughly tattered and splattered with teardrops now, had me wearing Jackie O suits standing next to my husband at the back of the church bidding adieu to our adoring congregation who found everything we did charming and stimulating to their own Christian walk. In fact, by virtue of our creativity and incredible leadership skills, we somehow had a growing and famous church and in our spare time, hubby got his doctorate and wrote life-changing books that sold like hotcakes and allowed me to have the beautiful rose garden where I held ladies Bible studies in the cool morning hours, where I served delicious home-made coffee cake on antique china.
Yeah, so that's over.
I never really understood the concept of the Joy of the Lord. I knew it wasn't wearing an idiotic and blank smile in the face of difficulty, but I had a hard time coming up with a replacement image.
I think now that it might be this....that when you look around and it appears that you may have spilled your life's cup on the ground-whether by accident or just being careless- it's not over. There is something more. Something beyond just this place and time and this series of needs and worries. The joy of the Lord...the intimate knowlege of the Holy One...just having this relationship with him, is enough to give you strength to keep going.
We have never really lived the realties we have taught people about: lost jobs, physical aches and pains, and even more painful uncertainty. It was no crime that we hadn't. It wasn't part of God plan for us...until now. I don't know what people who don't know God do when they get to this point in their lives. I suppose they drink or find a new relationship or try to get a good job that pays a lot of money to insulate them from the pain. What I do know is that even if we are being pressed in on every side, that we will not be crushed. The joy of the Lord will be our strength.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Standin' in the Need of Prayer
Okay, so as you can tell from the complete lack of interesting blog entries from me lately, I have been busy. This is the time of year where I make hay while the sun shines...translated, I buy like the dickens. Then I have to figure out where to put it and in this house....it's TIGHT.
So anyway, enough about my job (workaholic), here are some things that need God's attention....
childcare workers
our house to sell
traveling safety for the entire Ryerse clan
Robb's feet: seriously...look for a blog entry from him soon on these swollen stumps where feet should be.
Camp Bayouca: they have been having a tough summer and we are headed there in a couple weeks. Pray that it is mutually helpful.
Sara, my delightfully adventuresome protege' who is moving here at the end of the summer...and needs a job, roommate, and everything to set up housekeeping
Vintage Fellowship's second service on Sunday...and we still have a ton to do...
Financial stuff
So anyway, enough about my job (workaholic), here are some things that need God's attention....
childcare workers
our house to sell
traveling safety for the entire Ryerse clan
Robb's feet: seriously...look for a blog entry from him soon on these swollen stumps where feet should be.
Camp Bayouca: they have been having a tough summer and we are headed there in a couple weeks. Pray that it is mutually helpful.
Sara, my delightfully adventuresome protege' who is moving here at the end of the summer...and needs a job, roommate, and everything to set up housekeeping
Vintage Fellowship's second service on Sunday...and we still have a ton to do...
Financial stuff
Saturday, July 01, 2006
The Trifecta
I'm attempting the impossible today (okay, I do that every day, really).
Anyway, I got up this morning at 5:30 a.m. and hit ten sales before I had to get Robb to work at 9:00 a.m. Found today: a stack of children's books for a quarter a piece which should yeild on average, 10 dollars apiece. ( of course, the problem is they are adorable and I love them and don't want to part with them.) Next, vintage linen tablecloths and napkins, a watercolor painting, a box of antique jigsaw puzzles, and a piece of pottery that suspiciously resembles a rare collectible piece of pottery. Hold your breath.
Acquisitions: check.
Got home, and packed some boxes to ship. Went to two different PO's this morning to get Priority boxes, but they were not restocked from yesterday and I walked away empty-handed. This poses a problem because two of my boxes were 4 oz. over the label weight I had pre-printed. I'm actually terrified that I will go to jail for mail fraud. And I'm afraid it was sinning too. I hate packing boxes. I ordered new supplies over a week ago, but haven't recieved them yet...anyway...you don't think I'll go to jail for those 4 oz, do you? I am racked with guilt.
shipping: check (sort of)
Now I'm dinking a little bit, but I fully intent to list items now. Which is killing me a little bit because this is the absolute WORST time of year on eBay and all my cool goodies will not bring a very good profit if I list them now. But not having a power-garage sale behind me to fund my summer acquisitions, I gotta make some money so I can spend some money to make some more money.
Listing: soon to be checked.
(Meanwhile, my kids are making a kid's news report which is about the cutest thing ever)
More to come....
Anyway, I got up this morning at 5:30 a.m. and hit ten sales before I had to get Robb to work at 9:00 a.m. Found today: a stack of children's books for a quarter a piece which should yeild on average, 10 dollars apiece. ( of course, the problem is they are adorable and I love them and don't want to part with them.) Next, vintage linen tablecloths and napkins, a watercolor painting, a box of antique jigsaw puzzles, and a piece of pottery that suspiciously resembles a rare collectible piece of pottery. Hold your breath.
Acquisitions: check.
Got home, and packed some boxes to ship. Went to two different PO's this morning to get Priority boxes, but they were not restocked from yesterday and I walked away empty-handed. This poses a problem because two of my boxes were 4 oz. over the label weight I had pre-printed. I'm actually terrified that I will go to jail for mail fraud. And I'm afraid it was sinning too. I hate packing boxes. I ordered new supplies over a week ago, but haven't recieved them yet...anyway...you don't think I'll go to jail for those 4 oz, do you? I am racked with guilt.
shipping: check (sort of)
Now I'm dinking a little bit, but I fully intent to list items now. Which is killing me a little bit because this is the absolute WORST time of year on eBay and all my cool goodies will not bring a very good profit if I list them now. But not having a power-garage sale behind me to fund my summer acquisitions, I gotta make some money so I can spend some money to make some more money.
Listing: soon to be checked.
(Meanwhile, my kids are making a kid's news report which is about the cutest thing ever)
More to come....
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