Thursday, June 22, 2006

It happened in Walmart...

Had a couple great moments yesterday...you know those moments you look back on and just shake your head because they are so....


embarassing.


So I tried on a pair of those cute little crop pants everyone is wearing....got 'em half way up around my child-bearing hips and my darling son opened the door on me. I was in the end stall which faced about half of men's-wear including some old guy showing how his new khaki's fit to his wife. Nice. (and oh, yeah, insult to injury, the pants were too small).

Soooooo...went on shopping and headed to check out, where I leaned over the cart to empty the contents onto the belt and dropped a huge jar of applesauce on my foot where it smashed to pieces, cut my foot a little bit, and brought a gaggle of employees all being extraordinarily nice to me so I wouldn't sue them for....I guess allowing gravity in their store. (And shame on them for that...because if it weren't for the darn gravity, maybe the pants would have fit....)

The kids were super impressed that the employees cleaned it up, not me. They thought that was really interesting.

So I went home and took the groceries in, propping the door open to make things a bit easier. By the time I started to put the food away, a literal SWARM of flies was about to carry off my purchases. Folks, I am telling you...the fly thing is BAD. I spend about 1/2 hour every day around 4 o'clock killing them, just so I can make dinner in peace. Then I have to wipe down the table again (for obvious reasons) and I've washed the windows twice already since moving in. I've dismembered two fly swatters already from hitting the darn flies whilst they crawl around weird angles of the windows. I have the sticky fly tape hanging over my dinner table...yum. I even have the kind of fly tape that has some kind of fly-sex-pheremone on it....and apparently the little buggers have a headache, because I only have like one fly on that thing, and I think it was one I smashed with the flyswatter first and then flicked it on there just to start a body-count.

So, after another meal with one hand on my fork and the other swishing the flies off my daughter's face, Robb went to WALMART (insert sound of angel voices) and returned with an electronic fly and mosquito indoor trap. It looks like a coffee maker and has a little fan inside. They are attracted to the light and then get sucked inside, where the fan dehydrates them...or of course, I can pull the drawer out and take them outside if being humane to flies is important to me. Trust me...it isn't. Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out, as far as I'm concerned.

Ah, Walmart. Where would we be without you?

7 comments:

kingsjoy said...

:D

Another suggestion re: the flies, if the problem persists--

Lowe's or Home Depot carry a fly thingie that is basically a plastic zip-lock bag you put water into, and hang outside the door. Think there's something about it that attracts the flies.

We have one at the back door of my workplace, seems to be helping.

Damned flies.

A said...

In answer to your question: "Where would we be without Wal-Mart?"

Answer: Probably not living in Northwest F****G Arkansas dealing with fly infestations and job hunting and, oh, yeah, planting a church.

ness said...

it's good to have pastors to do my cursing for me

And, I thought of that already. At least the church part is good.

jobster.com...really good site.

A said...

Yeah, I found a couple new listings there today and have submitted resumes.

Is there any irony that we're going to preach through the book of Job and the thing we all need most right now is a different job?

klasieprof said...

Hey What Kingsjoy said reminded me of an "old fashioned" fly catcher. it has inverted lip on the bottom, but a reg small glass works well.
What do you fill it with..WELL you don't FILL it..you just put about an 1/2 inch to inch of WINE in it.
The flys DIVE bomb in, can't get out. The only 'problem' is..you have that pesky rest of the bottle of wine to do SOMETHING with.
It is also good to try Various KINDS of wine in the glasses, as a learning experiment dont cha' know..to see WHICH wines taste the best..ERRRRR to the fLies of course.
Julia CHild..."A little bit of wine for the soup....a little more wine for the chef".
well...maybe with enough WINE the flies wouldn't bother you so much.

OK. NOw for my wierd fly story. Lived in North Carolina, Ex (OOOOH RAHHH MARINES) and I qualified for a house (new program, our NEIGHBOR was Arthur Ashe's Brother). Way out of our league. ANyway..HUGE fly problem . LIke I"d spray the windows..bomb the house before we moved in..clean like 2 inches (NOT LYING HERE) off the ledges of the windows.
NASTY..continued. Moved in. Laying DOWN in the tub, looking UP at the bottom of the Medicine chest was some paper taped up there. Got out of tub (yes naked), and pulled it off. VERY wierd long weird (did I mention Weird) 'prayer' type thing to I dont know who. Gave me the spooks. (they were very big into demons at Jacksonville Baptist Church) but ANYWAY...destroyed that prayer thing. No more flies. NONE. NO MORE PROBLEM. (mice however ...21 in 4 days...climbed in through the dryer hole vent thingy that wasn't blocked, and in the shed). and don't even Mention COCKROACHES. (never knew NOT to save the brown grocery sacks where cockroaches lay their eggs, and then HATCH when you stuff 'em in between the fridge and your kitchen cabinets.
I'll tell you sometime about the "ghost" I saw. That was one damn weird house.
I did start praying for "the blood of Jesus, to protect us, from the ground BELOW the house to the air ABOVE us.".
anyway..try the wine thing. lol

Lindsey said...

Pants - what an embarassing moment! Jar dropping - now that happens to us all.. he hee. Hopefully the flies will now be under control but I wouldn't be the one in our house offering to empty the drawer :)

ness said...

there do seem to be less flies, but there are only about 3 of them that I can see in there....I dunno!

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