Sunday, June 04, 2006

Body and Soul

It occurs to me that my blog has mostly been about body (doing) not so much about my soul lately. There are several good reasons for this of course...moving and getting settled, the first preview service for Vintage, etc. etc. But honestly, my soul has been tucked away for some time now....far from consciousness. It stems back to God saying "no" to selling the house within the three weeks that we all prayed for. I am still stung from that. In fact, it seems that God has been remarkably silent...He sends occasional greeting cards, but He never calls to talk. His plan remain profoundly hidden from us. Never again will I be completely confident that God will do something. I always thought the Psalmist was being a bit dramatic when he described the way he cried sometimes. Now, I think I understand a bit better. Truly, sometimes disappointment with God can be more profound than unruffled faith in Him.

So as we teeter on the edge of getting this thing called a "church" off the ground, I am slated to sing worship up front. I am left wondering if there is a way to be honest about the fact that as I am up there, I do believe these words I am singing. And I believe wholeheartedly in the vehicle of music to soften the heart...God knows how many times in the past few months that the line of a song was all that seemed to keep me tied to Him. And yet...I doubt. I question. I am no salesperson sold on a product. What I am is someone who thinks this God-Person, like electricity, the printing press, the internet...I don't really understand how He works, but I think He might just revolutionize your life.

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