Tuesday, April 04, 2006

I owe you an apology....

I need to apologize. Let me explain.

I went to bed late last night, long after Robb had hit the hay. I finally drifted off around 12:30 a.m. into a deep, heavy sleep. You can imagine, then, how suddenly I started up in bed when I heard our dog, Sid, shoot out her doggy door with a menacing growl. This sound usually occurs about 3 nights out of 4, followed by some kind of pursuit of some critter that has foolishly entered Sid's fenced-in domain. On occasion, this has resulted in a clattering sound as the pursuit enters the crawl space under the house, and once, a cat even streaked through our bedroom where I eventually found it on our kitchen counters. However, this did not happen last night. Instead the growling became more intense than I had ever heard before, and I sensed that Sid was VERY upset. Robb jumped out of bed to call her in and I pulled the shade up to see what was happening. To my absolute horror, all I could see was what looked like a white stripe on a dark body.

I screached, "It's a skunk! A skunk! Get Sid in here!" Whereupon Robb hollered at Sid to COME more fiercely and she...mercifully...obeyed. I kept watching the vauge white THING, which was moving only slightly and slowly. Robb came to the window with me and tried to see what it was. The only flashlight we have in the house is a toy one we bought for my neice's birthday (and I keep needing it, so I haven't sent it yet!) I walked confusedly toward the kitchen to get it and slammed face-first into the hallway door. I shook off the zinging sensation and went on to get the flashlight. It is shaped like a zebra and when you squeeze a trigger, the light comes on while the zebra says "DO Te DO!"

So there we were with the "Do Te Do" zebra flashlight, which made it apparent that it was NOT a skunk, but rather, a cat with a PEANUT BUTTER JAR STUCK ON IT'S HEAD**. The white label was the only thing I could see in the dark. It was not moving at first and we both were pretty sure that it was dead.

"We've got to get rid of it." Robb said in a low tone. (Our hosts love animals and I couldn't tell if it was one of theirs or not).

"That seems like murder somehow!" I whispered back in horror. "I can't help you with this....I'll cry or throw up or pee my pants!"

(Mental note, don't send me into a combat situation).

"Okay." Said my brave and very manly husband.

"Make sure you wear gloves!" I admonished.

A few moments later, with Sid whining at the door, Robb slipped into the gate of the doggy fence. I began to laugh hysterically when I heard Robb say sweetly, "It's okay, Kitty. Here I come, Kitty...."

His gloved hand reached out and grabbed the peanut butter jar, releasing the cat with a very loud "POP" which I heard even through the window. The cat bolted to parts unknown, which only made me laugh harder.

I was still laughing when Robb slipped into our bedroom, where I shined the "Do Te Do" flashlight on him. He moaned dejectedly,"Why can't our life just be normal? Seriously, other people are not awakened by cats with peanut butter jars on their heads. Why...WHY can't we just be normal?"

It was at that moment that I realized the opportunity I had missed. I apologize to you Happiness readers, for depriving you of the visual. I should have taken a picture and I just plain forgot.

*For those of you who are wondering, I give Sid the nearly empty peanut butter jars to play with.


A said...

I say, with parents like Mars and Poops, you'll never be normal. So, embrace the freudian and blame it on the parents!

And, yes, M&P, I am TOTALLY kidding. =)

Robb said...

At first, Sid was thinking, "Two great tastes that taste great together!"

And then, "I hate you dang people."

A said...

And why, praytell, would Happiness readers require an apology before the following:

1. Sid, for what Robb points out above.

2. The Cat, for obvious reasons.

3. Robb, for obvious reasons.

4. Your company, for being awakened in the night by such a ruckus.


ness said...

they never heard a thing ; )

and the cat shouldn't have been in the yard in the first place.

and Robb, well, he needed the laugh, so that's covered.

I guess I'll go apologize to the dog.

Elizabeth said...

I know I should feel bad for the cat...but...that's pretty funny

A said...

Evidently its just a good thing Robb's butt didn't explode during the festivities given the fallout we both appear to be experiencing post Buffalo Wild Wings last night.

Sara said...

That is historical, and histarical..i'm laughing so hard...that is incredible..YOu two have as many adventures as i do.

Darla said...

so funny - it is such a bizarre story really - which would have been oh so enhanced with a photo!! not to mention sounds like some of those crazy/silly videos that you see on america's funniest video or something - hey, you could have won like a million dollars, right? dang!! yep, with all the crazy stuff that seems to happen to you, sounds like you should invest in a good video camera, if you don't already have one! ;)

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