Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Worms and boogers....

*disclaimer: this post may not be suitable for pregnant women. Read at your own risk.

Early in our marriage when we had no money (as opposed to now when we have no money) I was just as creative with meals even when the cupboards were quite bare. Back then, we were traveling back and forth from Staten Island in New York where Robb pastored a church on weekends to Scranton, Pennsylvania where I was finishing my senior year of college. We had an apartment (which you can almost see in the opening credits of The Office) and a parsonage in the City. This is evidence of the fact that there is no balance whatsoever in life...because now I have enough stuff to fill both places and then I didn't have enough to fill either one.

So anywhoo, short on groceries, one night I pieced together fixings for French onion soup for supper...complete with croutons and melted cheese on top. Unfortunately, several bites into it, Robb observed something moving in his soup...turns out mealy-bugs (which begin life as larvae worms and end it like little moths) had infested my crouton stash. Choking and gagging, we made a McDonald's run.

Fast forward 13 years. Oh you think you know how this is gonna go? I doubt it. Remember those tomatoes I bought? For making tomato sauce? Well, a few of them were funky, but i just cut off the bad spots, carefully washing and inspecting them. After chopping, cooking them down, putting them through the food mill to remove seeds and skin, further cooking them down...well imagine my complete horror at seeing tiny worms, very dead of course, floating in my stunningly gorgeous tomato sauce. Apparently, the Dreaded Fly-plague of Northwest Arkansas continues...

Fortunately, I didn't serve this to anyone. I just had several big slurps myself before I realized...

That's probably why, when I went to tuck "a child who will remain nameless, but is absolutely old enough to know better" into bed, I was very sensitive to SOMETHING on the side of the mattress. "Please, please" I begged said-child, "PLEASE LET THAT BE BANANA." Anonymous giggled until tears came, and covered face with hands, while squeaking, "Will that make you feel better?"

Whereupon I screamed bloody murder and told hubby he was up for changing this set of sheets.

He comforted me with this..."I told ANONYMOUS if he/she is going to wipe boogers on the side of the mattress, do it on the side that doesn't show."

Boogers and worms....never a dull moment.


wendy said...

I, sadly, missed your disclaimer on top. And now a piece of me has died.

tammi said...

That's like asking someone, "wanna hear something totally gross?"
You don't. But they've mentioned it...so now you have to know.
Which is what reading that blog was like.

i wanted to tear my eyes away from the screen....to stop reading.

*gag, gag*

It'll be awhile before I eat tomato soup.

Ron said...

but boogers are a good source of protein... I so want to tell the story of the blue birthday cake you made me.

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