Monday, January 21, 2008

Parents, let's chat...

I'm shopping a solution to the constant bickering in my house which makes life nearly unbearable sometimes. I am wondering if you have some effective methods for dealing with the chronic yammering that makes me want to shove a fork in my eyeball for the sweet release of thinking about something other than "He won't stop standing on the ladder to my bed" and "She keeps touching the buttons on my cd player" and my personal favorite..."He got a granola bar and I didn't!"

My current leading solution is to strip their rooms of everything in them and duct tape the children to their own bedroom walls so they have something real to complain about.

But I probably won't.


Sandy said...

I have no solutions. I have a 31 year old who hit me with "you like him better than me" referring to her own child because I baked the oatmeal cookies he likes in stead of the oatmeal cookies she likes.

I hope your week gets easier.

carahinojosa said...


Seriously, I don't think there's a solution. I just think it's part of the ebb and flow of people living together that love each other. It tends to get worse in my house when it is cold and/or rainy for any extended amount of time.

Heidi said...

haha...if you figure it out let me know! we've had an extra dose of that lately and i'm getting close to the fork/eyeball situation.

H said...

Duct tape won't work, they can chew right through it.

klasieprof said...

ONLY because I"m getting ready for THREE L & L classes in the community.
Really--Review you L ove and logic book, its helping me.

# Locking–in sadness or empathy before delivering consequences its suck a bummer you guys were arguing, I guess I"M the only one that gets a snack

# Setting limits with enforceable statements

Kids who argue dont
Kids who bicker get to go to bed 1/2 hour earlier

# Sharing control through lots of small choices
# Building relationships with the One Sentence Intervention
# Neutralizing arguing with the Brain Dead technique
Dont solve THEIR problems for them.

In all parts of their lives, children with great manners have a powerful advantage over those who do not. They make friends easier, get along better with their teachers, and eventually make much better employees and spouses. Here are four techniques that will give your child this life-long gift:

Tip No. 1: Make a list
Sit down with your kids and make a list of the specific behaviors polite people display. Have fun with this activity. Your written list might look something like:

* Say "please" and "thank you"
* Eat with their mouths closed
* Burp in the privacy of their own rooms
* Say "excuse me"
* Hold doors open for people

Tip No. 2: Model these manners
Children learn much more from our actions than from our words

Tip No. 3: Provide kids what they want only when they use manners
When parents use Love and Logic, they don’t waste their breath lecturing about good manners. Instead, they very politely refuse to provide what their kids want unless they hear a sweet "please" or "thank you" and see the other behaviors on their "manner list."

For this to work, parents must respond to requests with polite sadness instead of anger or sarcasm. For example, a parent might say in a sad tone of voice, "This is such a bummer. We can’t go to the movies today because you need more practice with manners first."

A parent who sets this limit, avoids anger or sarcasm, and holds firm by staying home will see a very upset child in the short-term and a much happier, more responsible one in the long-term.

Tip No. 4: Expect them to repay you for any embarrassment they cause
If your child continues to be rude, he or she may need to repay you for the embarrassment or inconvenience created. With genuine empathy and sadness, a parent might say, "How sad! Your rudeness at Aunt Mary’s house really drained the energy out of me. I’ve been too tired to clean the bathrooms. When you get them done, I’m sure I’ll feel a whole lot better."

If the child refuses or forgets to do the chore, wise parents don’t lecture or threaten. Instead, they quietly allow their child to "pay" for their bad manners with one of their favorite toys.

Thousands of parents have transformed manner monsters into polite kids who are a pleasure to be around. At one Love and Logic seminar, a parent commented, "When I used these tips, my boys almost immediately started to shape up. They even warned one of their rather rude friends who was visiting: ‘Better stop burping…Our mom’s gonna make you do chores.’"

Give these Love and Logic tips a try, and see how much fun parenting can be!


From Donna who screamed at her oldest WILL YOU SHUT UP!!
yah..L & L at it's finest!!

ness said...

We had a chat and that seemed to really help. Turns out they are actually thoughtful human beings under the frenzied exteriors...

ae said...

I pull the old reverse psychology sometimes. (It always worked on my sister and me.)

I tell the girls that if they're going to fight with each other, then they're just not allowed to talk to each other. Then I sit in the same room with them and have them help me fold laundry or something so they can absorb all the awkardness of the silence. Before long, they're itching to be silly and fun with each other again. Throw in a fart noise or silly song, and they're done and have forgotten what they were even fighting about.

It's a short term solution for sure, but sometimes that's what your sanity really needs.

(And a big "yeahthat" about the duct tape...)

Blogging tips