Thursday, April 19, 2007

But Seriously, Folks...

All toiletries discussions aside (A lives a couple of miles away, but I'm pretty sure after Tammi's last post, I heard him run screaming from the room....) there are some pretty amazing spiritual events happening here.

We have begun a series at Vintage called, "Life Together" which is a 40 Days of Purpose study. Our first small group meeting was Tuesday night, and I cannot tell you how good it was to be in a group again. I am so looking forward to living in close relationship with these people...sharing and learning together. So many of the really bleak days of the past two years were the days when I had no physically local group to lean on and share with and laugh with.

But that is also how this blog was born and I hear over and over again about someone who reads it and that it means something to them. I want you readers to know that I feel a sense of responsibility to you to continue to share my experiences with you all...to think together and laugh and be silly together.

I know it was orchestrated by God, but we have experienced a real shift in our home life...there is a renewed goodness in our marriage and our attitude as parents. This was definitely NOT something we geared up so we could be all spiritually healthy for the the 40 Days, but rather something I think God has been bringing into focus for a awhile now. Although I picked the fight, I think God was behind it all. And thank God! There is something really dangerous and unhealthy about being "too tired" to fight with your spouse. To quote the pre-shark-jumping Grey's Anatomy, "There is a land called Passive Agressiva, and I was their queen." It took me a while to recognize that I was doing it, but I had a lot of bitterness and resentment built up inside. And I wasn't taking responsibility for myself...always reacting, but never acting to make things better. It's a vicious cycle and one that was definitely NOT working for me or the rest of this family. I tend to take responsibility for things that really aren't my concern...and to avoid taking responsibility for things that are...

Like being happy. I determined to stop living in the land of "when...then." When Vintage is bigger...when we have more money....when we move into our REAL home...when the kids are older...when the house in MI sells...when we are out of debt....

I've lived suspended above my life for too long. I had a little packet of hollyhock seeds that I stripped from my flowers in MI. I've been saving them all this time to plant in my "real" garden. No more....the seeds go in the dirt here. This is where I am and this is where I live. I know this is part of what God was whispering when he said to me, not long ago, "Be faithful with what you have." I have the dirt. I have the seeds. I have this life. I have this moment. Nothing else is promised to me.

It helped to have a little health scare. I had all the symptoms of cancer. What an amazing wake up call. Got the lab results yesterday and everything is fine. Just a little infection (or two). But oh, how it puts things in perspective!

And another thing happened...my brother is making plans to move here. HERE...to where I live! I've never lived close to a family member before. And to tell the truth (which is what I do best)at first, I was a little weirded out. You feel a certain responsibility to make sure they like it, that they aren't lonely, etc. At least I do because I take responsibility for things I'm not necessarily supposed to : ) But I was thinking about it last night and I thought...This is part of God's plan for me. This is in keeping with what He is teaching me and is one of the ways He might be trying to bless me... I am really excited about this! I can't tell you how lonely I have been at times for my family. I've had to leave them so many times when all I wanted was to stay. And always, I had to leave because God was calling me to some other work. It would be wonderful if He was calling me to be close for a change. So if anybody handy to the area has a great job for a guy with management and military experience, especially in project management for construction, email me!

I had coffee with a friend yesterday. I always knew we were cut from the same cloth, but we had never actually managed to have a conversation without kids and husbands and everybody else around. I just love her...she is just one of those comfortable people that I feel an immediate "click" with. I hope we have coffee again because I need the laughs!

All of this is incredibly spiritual activity in my mind. There is something truly HOLY about trying to live and love with other people. I feel like I am waking up from a long winter in my soul. I'm delighted to find some green shoots of hope and change and fun sprouting up.

9 comments:

courtney said...

and so kid sister finds out that she's THE LAST TO KNOW EVERYTHING. You might want to call me if you have a moment, secret keeper. now, if you will excuse me, I need to email our brother.....

gerbmom said...

Wow - are you channeling my life? Two things really spoke to me....

There is something really dangerous and unhealthy about being "too tired" to fight with your spouse. To quote the pre-shark-jumping Grey's Anatomy, "There is a land called Passive Agressiva, and I was their queen." It took me a while to recognize that I was doing it, but I had a lot of bitterness and resentment built up inside. And I wasn't taking responsibility for myself...always reacting, but never acting to make things better. It's a vicious cycle and one that was definitely NOT working for me or the rest of this family. I tend to take responsibility for things that really aren't my concern...and to avoid taking responsibility for things that are...

I struggle with this ALL THE TIME. Now that you have abdicated your throne here I'm probably next in line for Queen.....

and It helped to have a little health scare. I had all the symptoms of cancer. What an amazing wake up call. Got the lab results yesterday and everything is fine. Just a little infection (or two). But oh, how it puts things in perspective!

Yeah, I just underwent a second biopsy in a years time. Pretty much sucks. And then the day I got the GOOD news that I was ok was the day of the VT shooting. And I felt guilty for being estatic, and seeing the world in color again....

Thanks for sharing these two things. It's good to know problems are not unique to us as individuals...

ness said...

nah..i think ash is the last to know this one..

it is happening fast, anyway.

Karen, it's true...you aren't alone. I think that is one of the best parts of blogging...you find out that are NOT alone in your trials or your joys.

courtney said...

don't try to console me--I'm sulking :)

Anonymous said...

i need the laughs too!

ash said...

technically i knew on tuesday, when i called our brother to wish him a happy birthday...

i usually am the last to know things...i just went a different route this time...

klasieprof said...

Passive aggressiveness is sometimes difficult to pinpoint...you are Ticked..mad...frustrated.
Good goin girl...proud of you.
d.

akr said...

yeah...that's all I can say!

sara said...

That is all very cool...I'm glad to see God answering my prayers for you and your family.

I love you guys

Blogging tips