Monday, May 08, 2006

Hmmmm

I know some of you are curious about how I'm doing with everything today. Well, I'm here, putting one foot in front of the other, trying not to think so hard, and to just keep breathing. We all prayed that the house would sell in three weeks and God said "No." I'm not throwing a massive tantrum about it. I'm not "mad at God" or any other trite nonsense. I'm mystified. His incomprehensibility makes me leery of this Lion who is not safe, but good. It is my profound belief in his sovereignty that makes me stand back from Him....shaken by his unequivocal "NO." I think I am moving past believing that I'm supposed to learn some lesson, to reason out some "aha" feature of God's character that I hadn't plumbed before. I also don't think that He is punishing us for something. I don't think that it's some secret heart thing, like that I want a house more than I want God's will. The bottom line is that a family needs a home to work and do God's will out of, and I'd be a little nuts to not want a home or to not feel concern about it. I have three kids, afterall. Frankly, I have no more strength or brain power left to reason out the ways of Someone who's ways are higher than mine. I'm tired. So I keep going...in a kind of death march....trudging along to whatever and wherever He is taking me, no longer the slightest bit interested in influencing whatever that is.

2 comments:

Sara said...

I miss ya!

akr said...

It reminds me a little bit of Hinds Feet in High Places...I wonder what God is going to do. I know though that my heart and prayers are with you!

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