Monday, September 26, 2005

Day One

Well, here I am on our first day without a church, a job, a home. Yesterday was our last day at IBC, and some people didn't even say "goodbye." I guess that means we are just terrible people....or maybe they are terrible people. The house is a disaster, and yet I keep hoping the realtor will call and SOMEBODY will want to check it out. We are going on four weeks on the market and still not a single call. Robb is cleaning out his office today, Mattie is the "busy bee" at school and is wearing the Birthday crown, Vin is watching Bob the Builder and Charleigh is doing her usual Charleigh stuff, taking things out of boxes, putting stray pennies in her mouth, and giving the dog bones that Sidney had tucked away for later enjoyment. It's as gray and dull outside as I feel.

So, why do I torture myself by naming this blog after butterflies and happiness? Well, A.) my name means butterfly, and I guess I'm hoping to figure out who I am without the context of the title "pastor's wife." I don't have to worry about what people think of me anymore. I haven't had that freedom since I was five years old and only my parents and my brother mattered. and 2.) (as Paul Reiser used to say) I am incredibly hopeful. I am sad, but I don't think that being sad negates hopefullness. That's why I am starting this blog. I think that out of the ashes, GOD will bring out beauty. A good story starts with a problem, and I've always wanted to live a good story.


Cathy said...

I think we all want to live good stories. At least I do. And read them and tell them.

I have so enjoyed watching yours unfold.

Love the blog and your profile, I don't think you could have written that any better.

Anonymous said...

hi vanessa, I just wanted to tell you that: this too will pass! I have just experienced a ~similar~ situation-rejection,lack of understanding and love,chaos,but also......... joy,excitement,creativity,fun,passion!I see His hand in all that is happening to me and my family.I hope to watch your adventure unfold through your blogs, with anticipation of something wonderful for your sweet family and for the people in your new community! to see what God has prepared for you in OK at Vintage!SLF in NY

Courtney said...

your change of profile is not only an adjustment for you but also those around you...and a happy discovery. You've been the "pastor's wife" to me for the majority of years that we've actually been communicating and I'm am eager to see you unfold your wings now. And, hey, this is cheap therapy :)

Dar Miller said...

Hey Vanessa,
Dont worry too much about the people that didn't even say "Good-bye". Sometimes it is difficult for people to do that, not only because they are afraid of becoming emotional themselves, but also because they may be afraid of causing you to become emotional. It is sort of like when people have a loved one that dies. Most people think that you don't want to hear them talk about the one that passed away, so they figure that if they don't say anything, that they are doing you a favor. Those of us that have lost someone, know that this is the worse that can happen. So....just keep in mind, that some people, even though they are misdirected, think that silence is the right thing to do. Saying good-bye is a difficult thing to do, in life and in death.
Also, good luck with your house selling. I hate to tell you this, but it took 1&1/2 years to sell mine. And this time of year, most people are settled in, what with winter coming and kids back in school. But hang in there.....God will provide.
For what it is worth, I was honored to be able to say "Good-bye" to you. You are truly a "butterfly".
Dar Miller

Anonymous said...

HI Vanessa,
I know that it was very hard for me to say goodbye sunday. You can into my life when I was down and talking to you and Sherry really have brought me up again. GOD is really good to us and he always has our backs. We will miss you and the kids dearly. I will follow your journey here. Edward had a hard time monday because he will not be able to see vinny so this will help.

Anonymous said...

psalm 27 has been a "light" for me..."i would have despaired had i not seen the goodness of the lord in the land of the living...etc...wait for the lord"...maybe it will encourage you, too. i'm still trying "to see His goodness"...but the whole chapter is amazing! and though others in the church did not say goodbye, i want you to know that i miss your family every single day...what i would give to have you all near! you truly are one of the most beautiful people i have ever known. --elizabeth:)

Faz said...

Wow, Look forward to seeing more of your heart. It is hard to be both very happy and very sad at you guys leaving.


Sara said...

I love you so much...I'm glad i know you as vanessa, and so do all my friends who are close to me...

Jess said...

OK - virtual sister...did you really just say you were hopeful AND sad? Seriously, I carry those two feelings around with me all the time. They rattle around in a nonsensical, kingdom come sort of way. We have been on the market for 2 weeks and NOTHING. I'm sad, but hopeful. Ha!

Blogging tips