This school year has flown by...I don't think I ever felt like I got on top of it. And I think I spent the entire month of May writing a check for five dollars for this or that field trip. The kids love to inform me of what is coming soon. "Hey mom, in two years, we'll be in three different schools!" Yikes. Color me scattered.
Last year, the summer was planned to the enth degree with trips all over the country, camps and more. But we bonked on filling out the camp forms this year, so we are only on the waiting list. And neither of our cars is really road worthy for a cross-country trek. So I don't know what we are going to be doing this summer.
So I am going to dream a little. I am dreaming of saying yes to the kids as often as I possibly can. Yes to the library and going to garage sales and having friends over and going to friend's houses. And I am putting together a little list of things I can teach them if I just take the time....practical things like how to wash their own clothes, but also things we just always seem too busy for: teaching Mattie to sew on her groovy vintage sewing machine. Showing Vin new techniques on the digital camera. Reading the Little House on the Prairie books with Charleigh.
One of the big negatives about being a workaholic is that I operate in two speeds: Super-fast go mode and basically dead. I rarely function in a low-gear, steadily productive, energy saving, balanced way. I don't even know what that looks like or if people really do work like that at all. I've spent the last few weeks since recognizing my workaholic problem in the part of my crazy cycle where I don't do anything. I'm too worn out. I've been running full-tilt since February. I'm exhausted. I need rest. I am conscious of trying to rest. But soon, I will be tempted to ramp up again. I can feel my curiosity returning, which usually leads to taking on projects. With nothing particularly stressful happening during the summer, I can usually keep it under control, but with the season change in the fall, I will launch into another cycle of crazy. I'd like to avoid that cycle if possible. I'd like to try to plan for it and keep myself from going to that place that is so destructive to myself, my family and my relationships.
So I am dreaming of an industrious summer this year. One in which I use each day to accomplish real goals. But also a summer when I shut down early each night and sit on the patio with my husband and recognize how good we have it. A summer that I don't regret. A summer when I don't run away from my kids and hide behind work. I find the thought kind of challenging, but I know that sleeping in til 7:30 every day will really help!