Friday, October 20, 2006

Roller Coaster....

Our life continues to be a roller coaster. Good good good and bad bad bad all in one day, sometimes in the same moment. I had two friends call today that I haven't talked to in ages to tell me about another friend's death. Bittersweet. In the next moment, the phone rang and Robb got a new job. Wow. I'm still a little numb. I want to feel something deeply, but this fog or funk or whatever I've been in keeps me from feeling any of it deeply. I'm just trying to absorb it.

I'm deeply grateful for the new job. I'm very sad to lose Sandy for now. She was such a lovely person. Just a week ago, she was teaching her fourth graders like she had been for 30 years. It was only a few weeks ago that I sent out an SOS to my friends and she replied warmly that she was praying for me. I will miss knowing she is there. I feel guilty being so far away. I hope her other friends (and she had a lot of them) and her family are okay. I know they aren't and never will be exactly the same again.

One more day at FCS. One long day...I can hardly believe we are going to be able to be a family again. To have every supper together and have Saturday mornings. You don't know what you are missing until your Saturday mornings are gone. It makes you feel old and haggard. I find I don't care as much about the money as I care about the time we'll get back. It has been heartbreaking sometimes in this past year when Robb would leave and I would just feel like all the color had left the room. I've tried to be cheerful. To make nice meals for the kids even on the nights he's gone, but it's just not the same. I'm relieved beyond words. I don't feel nearly as alone anymore. Already.

I feel like maybe soon, it will be okay to take a deep breath again. I hope I remember how.

5 comments:

klasieprof said...

Well...maybe if you had "thought Positively" more this would have happened sooner. (trying to think of all the cliches you will hear!!!).
"God answers JUST in TIME, not before not after."...
The entire Sandy thing is sooo bummer. I dont know what I would do if I lost one of my best friends. Her best friend showed extreme grace, and peace, and thankfulness for the time she had with her. Co Workers, neighbors, friends, Girlfriends, same hobbies...How to you just say POOF..its all GONE?.
Its like..Friends are the sunshine in life, and when one dies...doesn't that light go out?
I'm very bummed at the lost opportunity to know her better also.
HOOORRAYYYY For Robb's JOB!! "You guys always fall into such sweet things". LOL!

Darla said...

so sorry to hear about your friend... i wish i was there to take you out for some ice cream...

and SO glad to hear about your hubby's job.... what a break for you... what a good thing for your family...

Amber said...

sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. no matter how close or far away you were, you will still miss her presence. and I'm sorry you have to experience that.

glad to hear about Robb's new job! we'll talk tomorrow about it. Glad you'll have dinners and Saturdays together again.

well, see you tomorrow!
amber

The Fowler Family said...

Saturdays--hooray! What a wonderful gift to have your husband back. And weeknights too--whoo hoo. You are blessed. I bet your kids are excited to.

So sorry to hear about your friend. Loss is never easy. How did you meet Sandy? Will you meet again?

What is the new job for Robb?

akr said...

Jeffery Won!! What's up with that. I didn't get to watch it in the midst of moving...ugghh...not my choice!

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