One foot in front of the other

So today is here and it feels like our best move it to try to keep going on with life. I found myself staring at the world outside my door. It's been raining for days and everything is green. Profoundly green. Leaves on trees. Thick green grass.

After the ice storm, the trees were so shredded and ugly around here. We wondered what spring would look like. It is, shockingly, beautiful. Maybe more beautiful because we are so grateful to see something other than broken, shredded trees.

I am sad. There doesn't seem to be any limit to my tears. I told Karen I would hope for her, so I hoped, right up to the last minute for a last-minute-miracle. And it didn't happen. This terrible thing happened without the slightest anesthesia.

I will try to write more about it when I can. For now, this family is going to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

For Matt and Karen on this terrible day

"Lord Jesus Christ, by your patience in suffering you hallowed earthly pain and gave us the example of obedience to your Father's will: Be near me in my time of weakness and pain; sustain me by your grace, that my strength and courage may not fail; heal me according to your will; and help me always to believe that what happens to me here is of little account if you hold me in eternal life, my Lord and my God."
Amen.

From the Book of Common Prayer

Of Men and Angels

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal."

Heartbreak

Please pray for Matt and Karen today and for many days to come. Through a long and painful process, they are being ordered to take their baby across the country and give her back to a birth mother who seems less than reliable or even genuine in her reasons for changing her mind after four months. Pray for us to be able to forgive her for hurting us so much. Pray for Karen and Matt's emptiness to be filled. Pray for my Mother-in-Law who cherishes her role as grandma and has bonded to this little girl as much as Karen and Matt. Pray for Emilie Grace who will feel so much confusion and loss as her world is changed. Pray for her future. Or maybe, just cry for us.


My brother in law wrote this just a few days ago on their family blog:

From the first time I saw you, I knew I was blessed

My precious Emilie Grace, cuter than the rest

With a full head of hair, all black and wild

You couldn’t look more like my very own child

Adopted with love into our family

Felt crazy joy when the doctor said you looked like me

Spent Christmas in the hospital to be with you

You’re living proof that dreams do come true



From the first night, I watched you in your crib sleeping

And heard you cry for your three a.m. feeding

Then I cradled you in my arms and felt my heart melt

I knew then I loved you more than life itself

I kissed you and asked God my prayer to heed

Make me a good daddy; all that you need

To take you from being my precious little baby

To one day being a godly young lady



From the first time I held you snug in my arms

I knew I’d meet death before I let you meet harm

But life doesn’t always go as we planned

Leaving noble intentions and empty hands

Now there may come a time when I’ll be gone

Not because I don’t love you – sometimes life goes wrong

But know I love you, Emilie, and where’er life may lead you

You’re always in my heart and my prayers ever heed you.

Sunshine on my shoulder and blood all over the place

I'm sitting outside this morning with the sun warming my shivering carcass. I love basking...perhaps that's why I like turtles so much? It's going to be an amazingly beautiful day, and those have been in short enough supply that I have to mention it.

As to the blood all over, let me just say that I have seen way too much of my children's blood lately. Charleigh's finger has just now lost it's scabbiness (nice mental picture, huh), but she was toted inside last night by her dad after meeting the sidewalk face first. Not sure what angle you have to fall off your scooter to skin the spot directly under your nose, but she managed it. I was making ribs, grilled pineapple and macaroni for supper, and so Daddy did most of the work of sopping up her blood and tears.

After supper (and may I just say yum, by the way to marinated grilled pineapple?) Mattie and Vin were loading the dishwasher when Mattie slipped on some water on the floor and somehow managed to cut the back of her heel with a 1 inch slice. Good thing it's nice weather, because she can't wear anything but flip flops until that thing heals up.

This after Sunday night, she called to us after she had gone to bed for help. She had managed to dislodge a loose tooth, but for the life of me, I've never seen one bleed so much. Robb kept guffawing that girls just don't know how to spit as the sink, the mirror, the faucet, the counter got spattered. But she got her dollar, by gum.

And so, I keep a handy stock of the Curad EXTREME bandaids on hand. You just never know what one of these kids is going to get into next.

Let's talk about Blog Stalkers!

So I keep hearing about people (Trish) who read my blog (Trish) and don't comment because they don't want to be stalkers (Trish). Unless you start a shrine to me in your bathroom, or follow my kids home from school, I promise, I won't think you are a stalker. And of course, Robb put me up to this to drive you nuts.

Death by Cuteness

She was at this for hours this morning. And now, I should probably wash those windows...

While He was doing this....

 

His sister was tying up the littlest one with dental floss. I heard her whimpering and came to investigate. She had her hands and feet tied and a gag around her mouth. They were acting out one of Mattie's terribly dramatic theatre productions.

Never a dull moment.

tonight

 

And it only took 5 Trips to Walmart

I hated the first yellow I put on the living room walls, but the second attempt turned out well, until I ran out of paint. That was three trips.

And then I did the blue in my bedroom and wasn't so sure about it at first, but then, when I decided to cover the brown accent wall, I knew I would like it after all. But again, I ran out of paint and headed out this morning for my 5th can.

And I like it.

Madeline L'Engle

"There is nothing so secular that it cannot be sacred. And that is one of the deepest messages of the incarnation."

Puppies for Giggles

That last picture is of Peggy with my silicone oven mit. She had it in her mouth and I tried to get a picture of her with it, looking for all the world like she had giant red duck lips.

Thumbs Up

I don't normally go for this kind of thing, but since I need glasses, I saw "Be Yourself"

I could never have this in my house. I'd be stuck starring at it all day.

My heart just pulled out of the driveway...

I don't have an awesome husband. I don't have a great husband. I don't have a nice husband.

I am married to a man who gives me pause. And for a frenetic nut-case like I am, that is saying something. I would never describe him as awesome, or nice, or great, because those words are just silly when it comes to the way this man is to me. I used to think that everyone felt that way about their husband, but sadly, I've learned that that isn't true.

I'm not good at many things. I'll try anything, yes, but I'm not particularly good at anything. Except being married to him. It has taken a lot of work on both our parts. It has taken a major commitment to not let anything else intrude on the value of us. It has taken hundreds of fights, millions of moments, all with the underlying belief that this person is valuable and worthy of my attention. There have been plenty of mundane times when laundry and bills and poop threatened to overtake our world. But there is always something that happens between us that is some kind of chemical chain reaction that leaves me feeling confident, safe, valuable, powerful, creative...I am certain that I know more about God because of the way my husband loves me.

I am mostly quiet on the subject of him. Often, I just watch him. I watch him be decisive, lead, and plan. I watch him struggle with ideas and what those ideas mean to the world. I watch him with people...people that don't quite get him....people who come to realize how much he cares. I watch him get dressed in the morning, going out to do his best at a job that isn't his passion so that he can provide for me and the kids. He is a man of beliefs. Those beliefs cause him to treat people a certain way, to act in a certain way, to live in a certain way that I find extremely compelling.

We were kids when we got married and had our friend Ted sing a song by Michael Card called Earthly Perfect Harmony. It was our commitment that day and still is...

"If we go on,
We'll shine our light upon
a world that badly needs to know
a human soul can love another human soul."

I can smell his aftershave from when he kissed me goodbye this morning. He's headed to Anaheim today with my heart in his hands.

He is Risen and Pass the Ham

Robb and I both kind of feel like we crossed some kind of finish line today. It's been an exhausting journey. But for a moment this morning, I had this sense of having been tucked into a safe and quiet pocket, sheltered from the rain that has been pouring down all night and into today. It was a good morning at Vintage today.

Today, we are taking it easy. I ate my ham, mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus, mostly so I could justify the enormous slab of pineapple upside down cake. I made this one in a cast iron skillet and I will never ever make another one in a regular cake pan again.

And now, we nap.

I'm pretty sure I won't make it....

The kids giggled when I said this, because they said I always say that, and I always do make it. But I'm pretty sure I won't this time. I feel like my hair is on fire.

Evidence? I'm about to post my worry-list as a blog post so I can kill two birds with one stone.

I'm supposed to have my garage sale today, but it's raining. And I never got any of it priced. Tomorrow claims to be a better weather day.

I'm so tired I left my crock pot on all night. With the chili I made yesterday morning in it.

The wind howled all day yesterday at the gallery, and all night last night, leading me to dream about the roof blowing off the gallery all night.

One of the pieces the Editor asked for was sold through the gallery this weekend. The other piece is in the Garden Center and when I drove up there after working at the gallery until 6, they were closed. So I'll need to go there today, get the tray she asked for (which I hate, by the way), and then take them down to her office in Fayetteville.

I have no eggs or easter candy for the kids whatsoever. So I'll need to go the store. And we are out of puppy food. Because she eats like a pig. Seriously, I think that dog's breed is part Pot Belly Pig. I realize of course that the meaning of Easter is not easter candy, but I'm not about to face three kids on Sunday morning with no chocolate.

And besides that I love Peeps. I love them. And this is the only time of year it is the least bit sane to eat them.

And Sunday dinner. I got nothing. I don't know why, but I usually make a ham and pineapple upside down cake. For the resurrection of our Lord. Ham. This is what makes me hate Christianity sometimes.

I'm unsettled with my spiritual state right now. After 40 days of real self-denial, I feel like the last few days and the coming ones are so busy, they lack reflection. That I'm somehow letting a golden opportunity to learn something just fizzle.

Robb is sleeping beside me. I'm so glad. He is soooooooo tired. We were both pretty thrilled that his work called this day off. I'm hoping that this will translate into a moment or two for him to mentally prepare for the Good Friday service tonight, and for Sunday. And frankly, just for a moment or two to be together. I'm trying not to panic about him being away again next week. We didn't really realize that he'd be traveling so much when he took this job, but hopefully, when the busy season is over, he won't need to as much. He is racking up those frequent flier miles and his dream is to earn us a trip to Hawaii. That would be amazing. The dream of that makes me able to stop eating Charleigh's birthday cake. That and the fact that the birthday cake is gone.

So let's see, if I get up, get some online work done, go the store and the garden center, come home, price the garage sale stuff (did I mention, I'm not even ready for that?) get ready for church, put the kids to bed, spend some quality time with Robb, sleep really fast, get up and put on the garage sale, clean that up, make dinner, color easter eggs, bathe the kids, put them to bed, hide easter basket, get clothes ready for the morning, go to bed, get up....

dang.

I might make it, but I won't be happy about it.

Arkansas at Home Magazine

is doing a story about Arkansas Etsy artists. Their editor contacted me yesterday to tell me that they love my products and would like to include 3 examples of my work in their story for the June issue.

See how cool I'm pretending to be?

Mattie and I have been jumping up and down and squealing. And Vin told me I was quote, "impressive."

If you were here, I'd shove you with an Elaine Benes, "GET OUT."

Baggage, No....

Luggage, yes.

I didn't realize I had accumulated so many of these until I cleaned the garage yesterday. They are full of fun things...

My house....

needs to go on a diet.

It's chubby with clutter.

I was on a binge this weekend....at Missouri's Largest Garage Sale
in Neosho.

And now...I need to purge.

Fat Camp on Friday, aka Garage Sale.

With friends like these....

Four no More

Happy Birthday Chucky

5 years ago, this little person came into the world. I wasn't there that day, but my world became a better place without my even knowing it.

She's home today with a fever, a cold, and a giant bandage on her finger. My heart aches for her, but she's so spunky, all she's thinking about is spaghetti, chocolate cupcakes and ice-cream.

oh. Help.

I have to say, the days I've had since giving up wine for Lent have been easily the most stressful, panicked, hard-driving, packed, emotionally-trying that I have had in the whole past YEAR. I'm not kidding you.

I had a brief flicker of a thought last night that I didn't have to do anything today, but that was a mistake leftover from when I made my to-do list on Monday. That was before I needed to take Chuck to have her TB test read, before somebody listed a Huge Sale with Mid-Century Modern Furniture and Depression Glass (that translates to if you call yourself a vintage seller and you don't come to this sale, you SUCK.) That was also before Peggy had diarrhea AGAIN and I checked her paper-work only to discover that she had missed her scheduled vaccination and worming (which would explain the poo). Me, miss a vaccination? That's so out of character, isn't it???

And since we were heading that way, we should drop off library books, stop at the gallery and pick up my check, so I could be home by afternoon to get some work done.

But alas. While trying to keep two crazed dogs in the van and get one little girl out of the van, the worst happened. I caught Charleigh's finger in the sliding door. There was that horrible moment when we both looked at the finger in the door and knew what was coming. And then there was the screaming and enough blood to mistake our parking spot at the Library parking garage as a crime scene. In no time, I had blood down my back, down my front, all over both our shoes...I tried to hold her hand up while rummaging through the van in search of napkins, finally coming up with a handful of Dairy Queen embossed, stiff and papery.

In this kind of situation, you just know one way or another if you need to see a doctor. I knew instantly when Vin broke his arm. I knew instantly when Mattie drank a bottle of Tylenol. I knew now. But I couldn't picture how to do it without another set of hands....somebody to drive or somebody to hold Charleigh while she sobbed. It must have been a tad confusing for Robb when I called with a "We're in the parking lot at the library and there is so much blood."

As we waited for him to arrive, Charleigh wailed, "DON'T TAKE ME TO CHURCH!"
I soothed her, "Honey, honey, why would I take you to church?"
She persisted, "Don't take me to church on Sunday!"
Confused and puzzled, I questioned, "Why not, Baby?"
"I don't want Aley to see it. It would freak her out!!!!!" She wailed uncontrollably.

I didn't laugh at that moment because I was afraid she might be in shock a little bit.

Robb took one look at it and agreed that she needed a doctor. So he hopped in the van and we sped off the the emergency room, where we were whisked in and taken care of promptly. Mental note: try to arrange your medical emergencies for Friday morning as it's pretty slow then.

After an x-ray, a 20 minute soak in betadine and peroxide, two nurses and a sleepy looking doctor, they declared she needed no stitches and her finger was not broken, but she does have a bandage roughly the size of one of those foam sports fingers.

With more stickers in hand, she was off to have her TB test checked before another McDonald's lunch with Mommy and Daddy (who still love cheeseburgers, but maybe not as much as before this week).

Robb decided that maybe sending me off to the vet to manage two dogs and a heavily bandaged kid was a bit too much, and took the aforementioned heavily bandaged kid off to his work, where she got to tell her story over and over again. She was quick to remind me that it was NOT my fault, that sometimes things just happen. "But don't do it again, Mom. "

And so the dogs got shots, the kid was brave (again), the husband was a hero, and the Old Lady, well she got home that night, just like in the old nursery rhyme.

Some Charleighisms

Charleigh on where we keep the food and dishes: "in the covered."

Charleigh on the mural of space: "That's the milk wave!"

Charleigh on not using water to keep her bandage dry: "I have to use hanitizer."

In the Zone

Little did I know (nod to Stranger Than Fiction Movie Discussion) that when I awoke at 5:30 am this morning that I would pack the day. A little dog woke me up, so I grumpily arose to get a cup of the coffee Robb had made for me and shove a very round and warm puppy out the back door into the cold.

I suppose there is something wrong with me that I had my second cup of coffee in the shower. No there isn't. That's completely normal. Right?

From there it was just a foot race, as I shoved lemon poppyseed bagels into the oven, various important documents into my huge leather purse, followed finally by laptop and an envelope. I felt triumphant that I had remembered everything when I pulled out of the driveway with four kids in the van.

It was the day to sign up Charleigh for kindergarten. By the time I headed into the school, after filling out Mattie and Vin's registration cards for next year, I was number 32. About and hour later, I reached the nurse, who tut-tutted that I was behind in vaccinating Charleigh and could not be registered. She informed me that spaces were filling up so fast that unless I got her up to date TODAY, there was a chance she wouldn't get into the school. And to add insult to serious injury, upon closer examination, I saw that unless she got the shots by her birthday (four days from now) she would have to start all over again on some of the shots.

I raced down to the Health Department in time to be told that I would have to make an appointment because they had been so busy. But between the school and the HD, I called my mom and asked her to pray that it would work out....Well I guess God granted us favor because as the receptionist was setting up the appointment, the head nurse decided that she could fit her in after all.

After 4 shots and a prick for TB, Charleigh announced to the waiting room (which included more than one nervous four year old) in a loud, clear voice "That was not so bad!" As I've said before, it's a Charleigh world...we're just living in it.

We raced back to the school and delivered our paper work and had our stack of papers filed and readied with more confidence that we were indeed "IN." By this time, it was time to reward a little girl who didn't even cry a bit with a little McDonald's and Daddy. On the way, we made a return to Lowes, picked up the coffee grinder I saw at the Thrift store the other day, for church, and got the rent check ready to drop off.

With full tummies, we proceeded to make a deposit (a bank deposit...I know not everything is blog-worthy) and get some necessities from Walmart. Then it was time to drop off the rent and drive another five miles north to drop off another mosaic mailbox at the garden center. On the way back from there, I stopped into another thrift store, ran into an acquaintance and bought an antique composition doll, which Charleigh declared "Creeps me out." Oh, and I spotted some Duggars. I know some of you love that.

I decided that I would take no further chances with Chuck's enrollment in school, so I would stop by her doctor's office to schedule her kindergarten physical. When the receptionist asked when I'd like it and I replied "As soon as possible." She countered with..."How about right now?" Within moments, we were headed down the hall to find out that Chuck is in the 50th percentile for weight and about the 5th for height. Mary Lou Retton, much?

"What are they gonna do to me?" she whispered behind the nurse and I laughed and said, "Just the kind of stuff you do with your doctor's kit." She puzzled for a moment and said, "I have a car in my doctor's kit."

High on my success, I managed to stop at the post office and mail a package to British Columbia while ingratiating myself to the mail man. You see, when you are in the mailing-packages-business, it is always good to let your mail-man know he's valued. This particular shop has a contract arrangement as a postal drop off counter, so you don't have to wait in the horrendous lines of a regular post office. It has been closed for a couple of weeks, and boy did I miss it...and I said so!

A mile from home and hours from the start of my day, I phoned my neighbor to tell her I'd be dropping off another form to the school before landing at home. My kids would rather play wii at her house anyway. Robb arrived home to find me just starting to empty the van and pick up the mail.

We took a walk and made some dinner and I checked my messages (I'm glad you didn't, Jazz).

I'm pretty tired, but not as tired as I was after the funeral dinner on Monday. When Candice offered me a cup of wine and walk around the beauty of the outdoors with she and her friend, Eddie Spaghetti, I never even blinked. I was so tired, I had utterly forgotten that I gave up wine for Lent. It's good that God loves screw-ups, of whom I am chief.