Today's Yeild

Whoo Hoo! Sale season is here again along with the bird's singing and the dandelions in my yard. Yesterday I saw crocuses, today I saw sale ads. Here's a shot of what followed me home today.

A Good Day Sigh

You know that kind of day that just makes you sigh with a pleasant sense of satisfaction? This was that kind of day. And I didn't even take a half a pill. Because I forgot.

I decided to kidnap my husband and keep him away from his job. Which has been a huge HEADACHE this week. A headache and really, a heartache too. More disappointment and limbo and frustration. And so, rather than let him go off to sit at a desk and do work he didn't much believe in, we ran away. First to take the kids to school, and Charleigh to her playdate. Then to IHOP for gigantic plates of soul-comforting breakfast food and a jug of coffee. Then we went exploring hither and yon and I refused to let my husband even think about working on any worky stuff. Bookstores. Little Galleries. Coffee shops. The Library. (and maybe a thrift store or two just for me). Then we picked up the kids and headed to Lake Fayetteville where we explored some trails we'd never seen before. With the fresh air smell on us and our bellies growling, we finished off the daylight with wings for supper. And now it's time for all our favorite TV shows.

Every once in a while, you have to run away. I don't know about him, but I feel like a million, sparkly bucks.

Who's That Tapping At My Door

 
 
I noticed this little guy out my front door today. But apparently, he saw the chalk outline where the kids had been playing crime-school yesterday and decided to get outta here.

Vulnerable

So I put up all my mosaic and crafty things this week on ebay, which you can see if you get off your bloglines reader and check my widget (A sentence which made my mother scratch her head.) I feel so vulnerable letting the world see what I made. What if they hate them? Think they are dumb? What if I missed some cardinal rule of mosaics that renders my work inferior and sad? I don't know. But picture me with my chin out, looking brave, even if I don't feel like it on the inside.

Four Walls Closing In

"There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you." Peter De Vries

I have really nice kids. I know that. But let me just say that lately, I've been searching for a hook to hang them on. The bickering. The experimenting with cooking while we are sleeping at 5:00 a.m. The stickers in my bathroom. The begging for stuff we can't afford. The pee. The poop. We asked my mother in law to come pick them up today. Yeah, she's only a 22 hour drive away. We told her they'd be by the curb.

If the sun doesn't come out long enough to dry up some of the mud and send them outside, I'm gonna ...I'm gonna....

I'm gonna clean up a lot of mud.

Ever Get the Feeling You are Being Watched?

 
So my kids are getting old enough to let me go to the bathroom by myself. But when their Grandparents sent them face stickers for Valentine's day, apparently they thought it was a good idea to let me know they are still keeping an eye...or two...on me.

Cream of Potato Soup -Do Not Add Cell Phone

That's right...One minute I'm stirring Don's Famous Potato Soup (or my pathetic take on it) and the phone rings....The next minute, I'm plunging my hand in the boiling pan to retrieve my life-line with the world.

My hand kinda hurts.

The phone is still working, sort of, but the down cursor doesn't work.

And it smells like garlic. Lots of garlic.

I apologize for the lull

I guess after the business of last week, I've just longed for solitude and quiet...even from myself. I'm still working at getting the hang of adding Bible reading to my day, but I've done okay...certainly not 100 percent, but even some is better than none.

Our house was shown to a potential buyer this week. Seriously. It was not a great showing due to the renters, however...who have, we discovered, four dogs in my house. Four. So at least I can stop worrying about saving up that security deposit of theirs that I spent a long time ago. I gave myself about 5 minutes to be heartbroken over my beautiful house that I loved so much and worked on every inch of...it made me feel rather stupid and worthless for putting so much care into it. But then I made myself stop thinking about it and just tried to be grateful that even though things have been tight for us financially, we aren't losing that house and we've still got a roof over our heads. And I know good and well just how much can be done with a good cleaning and fresh paint when the time comes.

I still count myself blessed.

Cutie Patootie Mattie- This is for the Grandmas!

Whole Pill Days

I was feeling so good for a while there, that I actually cut back on my anti-anxiety medication to a half a pill....that's right...they don't make a dose any smaller than the whole pill I was taking, so I cut it in half. This seemed to be working pretty well until the whole strep throat epidemic hit last week, and suddenly, I was back to taking a whole pill....mostly because I was too dang tired to stand there and cut the pill in half. And right up until yesterday morning, when a cockroach crawled on my hand while I was pouring my coffee...oh yeah, you read that right...I was taking a whole pill. (And no...my kitchen isn't that dirty...I had just disinfected everything we owned on Saturday...and yes, A you were right...there are more of them than I thought...Raid has been purchased....)

So anyway...forgive me...I'm still pre-coffee today...I shall heretofore categorize my days as half pill days or whole pill days. This, I sincerely hope, is a half pill. Yesterday I spent the day organizing my desk and craft closet after I made two dog beds for Sid and a poodle skirt for Mattie's 50's theme school program tonight. My darling husband let me sleep in and took care of getting the kids off to school and setting Charleigh up with Sesame Street until I could face the world. That was so restorative after days and days and days of the thought "You gotta do it all today" catapulting me out of bed.

I really didn't mind taking care of hubby last week because he was actually sick. It's only annoying to take care of a sick hubby who is not sick enough to merit complaining. He was so sick, he couldn't complain. Apparently, there is some invisible threshold in my mind of when somebody merits coddling.

Vin complained of not feeling well last night, but I am proud to say that I was right...it was not the dreaded Strep that had him bellyaching, but rather an aversion to salad for dinner. He woke up perky as always.

So there's a little update. I'm still a little too foggy to think of anything interesting to say. I've been reading all your blogs, though and hoping you are doing well this bright, sunny morning.

All for one and ....

3 for 5.

Now Mattie's got it.

Sick

The Right-Reverend of the house is sick. So sick he hasn't been to work in two days. So sick he hasn't checked his computer for two days. So sick he hasn't drunk more than two sips of anything in two days. So sick that Sports Center has been on 56 times in a row because he is too sick to pick up the remote and switch to another channel.

I told you, the man is sick.

Still Thinking

I am still mulling over the thoughts that emerged from the Bible reading discussion. One theory that I am entertaining is the intersection between community and Bible reading that has been absent since the Bible became available and affordable for individuals, which is a fairly recent event. Consider how before that time families may have owned one Bible that they read together. Or a community only heard the Bible from church. It seems to me that the balance was tilted too far in the direction of the individual, the student poring over the textbook rather than the community experience of hearing, reading, and learning the Bible together. I wonder if Bible reading might have more meaning to us all if it was read like a book for a Oprah's bookclub...a shared experience where your involvement in the reading is a contribution to a whole.

And on a side note, Mattie has been reading the Bible voraciously recently. She is so excited about what she is reading and has been peppering Robb and I with questions. She plowed through the book of Ruth and then jumped into the Gospels and Acts. She has a keen mind and asks good questions. I think she is impressed that Robb and I have answers to her questions and we love how fresh it is for her.

Lastly, I mentioned that I have been reading in the Psalms. I am using the Bible-zine Robb got for me a couple of years ago, Becoming. The format works well for me and helps me overcome some of my mental reservations.

I missed my reading yesterday. The day just got away from me.

Don't worry, I didn't give up blogging for Lent

I just have two sick kids home today and a mountain of laundry. I was awake at 3 a.m. last night thinking over the whole Bible-reading or rather Non-Bible-reading phenomena. I am reading in Psalms, by the way, asking the question....Did David have to self edit his psalms like I should self-edit my blog posts???

Confession Time: Bible Reading

Okay, confession time.

I didn't even know it was Ash Wednesday and that Lent was upon us until last night. I started giving things up for Lent a few years ago as a matter of trying to put myself into situations where I would have to see God to move forward. I gave up ebay for Lent a couple of years ago...one of the best experiences I can recall and very hard for me. And last year, I gave up beer, which was not such a big thing. I had mentally prepared to give up drinking all-together...a very trite choice, really, which was based more on the desire to be able to say to other people, like Spurgeon did about his cigars, that I had no problem giving it up.

However, when Hubby came home last night and informed me that Super Tuesday was also Fat Tuesday, I got thinking about something the Holy Spirit has been prompting me about recently.

I guess I decided more to take something up for Lent than give something up...

I'm going to try to read the Bible.

I actually googled, "I don't read my Bible" and found nothing except, "I should read my Bible" or "You should read your Bible." I'm guessing I am in good company. And so even though some of you are judging me big time right now, most of you, I'm guessing, are in exactly the same place as I am.


For those of you who don't know, my earliest memory was in church. I have earned my Meritorious Award from AWANA Clubs International, which means I have memorized over 600 verses...which I can still recall a lot of. I attended Christian school from Kindergarten through 12th grade and I have a Bachelor of Science in Bible from an accredited Bible college. I have attended Bible studies, led Bible studies and started Bible studies.

But currently, and for the last couple of years, I don't read my Bible. I feel a little ashamed to say that, mostly because of what other Christians think of me.

I imagine some of you are compiling a list of all the verses that say we should read the Bible every day. Ok. Maybe that's a good start for me.
But what about all the good and faithful Christians over the centuries who didn't have a Bible? Were they sinning? Or are you saying that because I do have a Bible (or six), I'm sinning if I don't read it every day? I know all the cliches....if I really loved God, I would make time for him. If it was important to me, I would do it instead of eating or watching tv. I am impervious to this rhetoric. Don't make me say why...I just am.

I flat out don't know what I think about it. I flat out don't know why reading your Bible everyday is such an obsession with so many Christians. I guess familiarity with the Bible has bred contempt...not so much for God's word, but for what people say I should do with God's word. In the last few years, I guess, I just have felt like my life was so totally out of balance between what I knew from the Bible and what I actually lived out. Between what I took in and what I did with it. Between my "getting something from God" and my actually listening to Him. Between checking off my "to do" list and having a personal relationship with God.

I know about the stories of people who desperately need and want the Bible. And I love those stories. I love the missionaries who translate and do that hard ministry. They are doing a great thing. People really do need the Bible. I believe that whole-heartedly.

I just...when I open the Bible, I hear so many voices...not God's voice, but other people's. They are so self-righteous and ugly voices that I avoid opening the Bible so that I don't have to hear them. Many of the voices are wearing ugly suits and ties and hurting people terribly. And the voices conflict...each one saying what they believe and how it must be true and everyone else is wrong...Which means my only choice is to delve into an academic, methodical study, which overwhelms me. I really believe that a lot of Christians have made the Bible their God.

I'm not bored by the Bible. I love the Old Testament. I'd love to hear a series through Leviticus. I love the insights that Robb and A bring to sermons and how they apply it in ways I never thought of before. I know there is much that I have not learned yet. But I feel saturated with the Bible. Top-heavy. Bloated.

So for the last couple of years, I have stepped back from information gathering about this God of mine, and tried to just really feel the discomfort of being human without trying to slap some scriptural band-aid on every wound. I have no hunger whatsoever to learn anything more about the Bible unless my learning it has direct benefit on the lives of people around me.

I know that I am not alone. If reading the Bible everyday is something God wants me to do, I want to do it. More than anything I want to love reading the Bible like other Christians have said they do. I am on an honest search for answers to this perplexing question for me.

Maybe it is simply a matter of the pendulum swinging too far in one direction or another. Maybe it's time for balance in my life. I hope so. I'm excited to see what the next 40 days hold for me and my journey. I hope that it is helpful to you too.

I am cool by extention

because these are my friends!

Improv Everywhere

saw this on my friend's blog and thought you'd get a kick out of it. It stirs my inner drama geek.

My Gmail is down

Not sure what is happening, but my gmail has been locked down. This is very disconcerting. It's possible that it may have happened due to something large trying to be sent to me...eek.

Good Blogger/Bad Blogger

So I notice from my site meter that the number of unique visitors to Happiness has greatly increased. Unless my 50+ cousins have found me on the web, I guess these readers are not actually people I know. Part of me is a little freaked out by that...I sincerely hope none of you are axe-murderers because that would stink a little bit. But it also makes me a tad self-conscious. Because I am sometimes a good blogger and sometimes a very bad blogger....

For example...I blog often on a variety of goofy subjects, which I am trying to tag and organize. That's good.

On the other hand, my template is probably boring (but I still like it...it's a 50's Barkcloth pattern that looks like butterflies...get it...vintage...butterfly?) And I am horribly disorganized. I write off the top of my head and rarely edit myself at all. The keyboard of my sad but FREE Dell is losing the sensory connection in the keyboard, so when you type a letter, it usually types four of the same letter, so my spelling appears to be horrendous. I'm sure you can voice other things that you hate about my blog.

I can tell you this...My blog plays a certain role in my life which I can't imagine will change...It's my source to communicate what is happening with my family, who are all over the country. It's my way to blow off steam with my friends. It's my venue to work out my opinions and observations and questions. It's my store-window for what I am making and selling. My blog is a pet and a friend.

I know there are bloggers who make money and notoriety for their blogs...and believe me, I read and enjoy some of those blogs. But for me, I hope that my goofy little blog will continue to be just a girl-friend's chat with a cup of coffee in a cozy chair.

Anything you want to talk about? I've had a request for the story of how we adopted. I love to talk wifing and parenting. Want to know more about church planting, being a pastor's wife, or the emerging church? I am proud of being a housewife and decorating my little realm. I am loving learning to mosaic and decoupage. And chatting about my thrift-store finds makes my ebay work much more interesting. So what do you want to hear more about? Get your coffee and write in...

The Naughty Child

I don't know if you notice, but I fade out of blogging every once in a while. I confess it is because I have my hands full. I have a naughty visitor on a fairly regular basis and she really is a terrible child. She is selfish and argues over everything. Her insecurity is frightening...she will interrupt a really important adult conversation just to ask, "Do you like me?" So awkward, because, you know, I don't like her. I don't like her a bit. She's a pill. And the stuff she eats! I could only get her to eat olives, pickles and chocolate the last couple of days. I don't like to make fun, but I've told you this much, I might as well be honest...she's a total clutz...walks into door frames that have always been right there and drops things as often as not. She can't seem to put an outfit together to save her life and has to be helped to put on her clothes. And let's be blunt...personal grooming is iffy. You can see why I struggle so to be able to put up with her regular visits, but I do try hard to be nice to her. I can't tell you her name because that would be rude, but her initials are.... P.M.S.

Rest In Peace, Chloe-Dog

She was admittedly, at times, a real bitch
and wouldn't hesitate to passive-aggressively pee on something
if you displeased her,
But she was also the bravest of any dog under 6 pounds
and fearlessly killed more than one woodchuck by herself.
A bigger-than-life personality
who only consented to not being the center of attention
if you let her get under the blankets too.
A good friend and a completely understanding listener
with silky ears and a crooked tail, she was
born in Brooklyn and traveled wherever in the world any car would take her.
She gave us 10 years to cuddle her, fight over her, secretly feed her stuff she shouldn't have, laugh at her and love/hate her.
Happy Hunting, funny girl.

Take a Picture, It'll last longer 2.0

 
 
 

So I spent ALL DAY yesterday gutting the girl's room. H called about 3:30 and I was in my second round of complete dispair, ankle deep in Polly-Pockets, coloring books, jewelry, doll clothes and the other curious bits that little girls amass...I recall unpacking a bag with a shirt, pair of jeans, one sock, a toy car and a plastic cucumber. I had a pretty big headache! But with some new curtains, another shelf for the Ryerse habit of collecting too many books, and a funky light-shade treatment, it is looking pretty cute in there. And oh yeah, and I took out four garbage bags of stuff. Two to trash an two to garage sale.


Today I am sitting on a pile of square dancing dresses that I need to list and several boxes to ship. The kids have been outside and they've only interrupted me 7 times while I wrote this post. You've heard of Chinese Water torture? This is Mom's Snow Torture. If only the dryer guy had fixed the dryer, they wouldn't have to wear socks on their hands...