Snip Snip

 

 

 

 

I suppose it was time, though I really liked my guys' mops of hair. I think I had a a harder time cutting theirs than the girl's hair a couple months ago!

Okay, I know you have something to sell

Hey, you already know I threaten my children if they don't clean up their toys, I will sell them on ebay...(their stuff, not the kids, no matter how loose my pronouns and antecedents appear)...
oh..you didn't know that? Well, it works. Because they know I'm already selling my own junk there and wouldn't hesitate to sell off their stuff too
So anywho...if you ever wanted to sell on ebay, now is the time to do it because for a month, there are NO LISTING FEES! This is big stuff (yeah, it means ebay is getting nervous about all the other places people can sell online now). If you should decide to go for this, could you do me a favor? Let me know so I can get credit for referring you? Just let me know if you are interested and I'll email you about it.

And if you are wondering what you could possibly sell, here are some things I have sold that you might just have lying around...

kids clothes
clothes
shoes
pottery barn catalogs (or Ikea if you are stinkin' lucky)
magazines
extra dishes, utensils, housewares
books

Shoot...i once sold an empty cardboard box. You never know what somebody will plunk down cash for...

So yeah, let me know, and I'd be happy to be your personal ebay guru.

A good blog

found the link to this blog on my friend, Justin's blog. I enjoyed it and thought you might too.

Also, I'm headed off to my iMac in a second to download some free songs from the new Robbie Seay Band CD. I am a HUGE rsb fan and hope to get to the local concert here on September 9 (wife and motherdom keep me from being all cool and saying I would never miss this concert). Anyway, if you are looking for some fine music that will do your soul good, you will love these guys. And oh, yeah, his brother pastors a cool church in Houston, where my brother goes...oh connections, connections everywhere. And how did I hear about RSB in the first place? Oh yeah, from Donald Miller...in the book formerly known as Prayer and the Art of Volkswagon Maintenance, or as it is now known...
(uh, bookclub girls, are you thinking what I'm thinking????)

Happy Link-following.

Time for an Adventure

Because of an anonymous and AMAZING person, I am flying to see my parents this weekend. ..just me.
No diapers.
No Birth Control.
I'm not sure I know what to pack, quite frankly, other than my favorite eyeliner.

I'm nervous about it...I mean just because I have a college degree doesn't mean I can maneuver alone through the Atlanta airport. (I CAN amuse three toddlers with a box of raisins and three wet-wipes...that's easy.)

And then there's the whole LEAVING the four of them alone...there's always that terribly frightening possibility...You know what I'm talking about, right? The awful possibility that I will come home all rested and human and be greeted with a house smeared with peanut-butter, chips in the couch, and 14 loads of laundry. I told you I think too much.

But I'm silencing my fears and going. I haven't seen my parents in a year and I'm looking forward to seeing my sister and extended family too. I'm even planning to make it to the church where I grew up (Hope I remember how to act in a setting where they don't pass popcorn buckets for the offering and you can copy your own tattoo on the bathroom wall with your phone number). One day the high is supposed to be 70 degrees....so I guess I'll pack jeans and a sweater!

So ok, eyeliner, jeans and a sweater. I guess I'm good to go...

My Mosaic Table

I started cutting pieces on Mother's Day and last night, sitting in the dark, swatting mosquitos, I snipped the last piece to fit into my first ever mosaic table. I haven't grouted it yet, but maybe by my birthday, I'll get around to it. This has been an uber-relaxing project which I wouldn't hesitate to try again.

Easily Amused.

As one who does not get out much, I can say that it doesn't take much to chirk me up. Here are some of the things that I really have loved about today:

We
are on day two of dryness. ...and I didn't buy any diapers today. I'm thrilled and amazed. As I recall, I think she had a little growth spurt, which may have made it all possible. My life just got a LOT easier!

It's garbage day...I just love those garbage men...I swear I'm gonna give them cookies at Christmas...the crap they take out of my way is nothing short of amazing. And hubby gets all kinds of bonuses and fringe benefits when he takes out the trash...I just love an empty trash can. It means I can throw more stuff in it and out of my sphere of concern. Sigh of relief!!!

We have food! Okay, I get it...I'm obsessed with grocery shopping. It's like a sport. As one of the few bills I can actually control, I am highly motivated to beat the budget, put more junk in the trunk, and use the least amount of money possible. (I must have gotten this from my mother who regularly fed 6 hungry people with 40 dollars a week). Anyway...I saved $20.00 with coupons today!!!! I rock! High five me!!!! WHoo HOoo! And I even got name-brand cereal, my favorite brand of pickles, and organic deli meat. And did I mention I came in under budget to begin with? Oh yeah...sweet.

I guessed the right size for the air filter. This may not seem like a big deal to those of you with no central air, but there are about 46 sizes to choose from and I nailed it. (and oh, yeah, the garbage men took away the freaky one that was supposed to be changed 2 months ago.) I think I'll take up breathing again.

There is light! I really, really, really HATE being in the dark. Did I mention I don't like dim lighting? I don't. I don't like dim lights at all. Especially not in the room I work in the most. After three months of cooking in the dark, I finally remembered to get light bulbs for the kitchen light fixture. This takes bulbs the size of Christmas lights and for months now, that is all that has been vaguely glowing above me. I now have 60 watts of power times 3, so I can actually see again. I could just stand there...looking at all the dirt...from the freaky air-filter.

Legal pads. I don't know why, but this is the only way I can think. (This quirk...from my dad). Seriously, I ran out of legal pads a bout two weeks ago and haven't had a cogent thought since. I couldn't make a menu or a grocery list...so I went to Walmart, bought the legal pads, and then let Charleigh play in McDonald's so I could get my thoughts organized. It's a sickness, but for now, I'm okay. (Don't get me started on pens...)

So there you go. I know they are very little things. But they make me happy.

Meet Joel...and read this great post

I'm super delinquent on putting my up-to-date blog role in my template, but this is a link to a fabulous post on my friend Joel's blog. Enjoy!

Thank Goodness for the Small Miracles

So it is once again the end of the grocery cycle and we are out of pull-ups, diapers or anything else to put on a Charleigh. Last night, I was so exhausted (church, lunch, 4 mile walk followed by a swim with the kids, waffles for supper and our Sunday night AFV ritual, plus the bedtime routine) I just wanted the kids to go to bed. It never even occurred to me that nobody had changed Charleigh for bedtime.

So this morning, at 6:30 a.m. while I contemplated the day, it came to me in a flash that we ran out of pullups on Saturday night...WHAT was I gonna find in her bed...ugh...

What I found was a dry little girl. While I congratulated her, while sitting her on the potty, she excitedly pointed to the three Princesses on her little undies..."They are proud of me too for not peeing on them!"

What could I possibly add to that?

 

Toothless

What's the difference between a sigh and a deep breath?

Candice is in the Blogosphere

Meet my friend Candice. She's only on dial-up, so be gentle.

Candice is the art that hangs on the wall of my heart. Every interaction with her makes me happy.

What's that taste in my mouth?

oh yeah, it's the nasty flavor of my own humanity with a generous serving of humble pie and regret on the side.

No long boring post today

I'm freakin' exhausted.

My Treatise on Being a Pastor's Wife-Part 2

Okay, so everyone was apparently pretty bored by yesterday's post, and like I said, I know I was weird. But that's my story and I sticking with it.

I would like to clarify for the record that I do in fact have chemistry with my husband. (eyerolling). I think anyone who knew us back then witnessed that it wasn't the pastoral thing that had me all over him, but that wasn't the point of this particular story (ok, honey?)


So here's the next part of it all...

It's not his ministry, it's our ministry....
aka....Two for One

So I mentioned to Hannah that I noticed that I don't identify myself as a pastor's wife here on my blog. I know a lot of people have wondered about how I identify myself in relationship to Robb's job and a lot of other ministry wives wonder about their identity too.

When Robb and I were engaged, our mentor Dr. Carter asked his wife to formally mentor me as a pastors wife. It's a little surprising that a Bible college never takes any opportunity to cover this, but it would be too much of a joke, I guess, to offer a class for a bunch of hopefuls, huh? She told me that the seminary used to provide this through a group called "Sheperdess" but it had grown into a "social time" instead, (she said with disdain). Anyway, she and I met for a four week session where I read some books on the topic and she shared her recommendations. This was a great thing for me...I read a very antiquated book by Carolyn Blackburn on the role of pastors wife as well as one by Lorna Dobson (wife of Ed Dobson, Rob Bell's mentor)...which was my favorite one, by the way. She also had loads of article clippings from magazines, typed handouts on topics like hospitality and what kinds of things to keep on hand in the pantry for entertaining on the fly. I believe Mrs. Carter kept a notebook, too, that detailed the preferences of her guests (which were many...including myself, my parents, and grandparents!) That's why my favorite cran-raspberry drink was always on hand when I visited. Of course, I still have all of this info in a file.

The biggest lesson I took from this teaching time was "it's not his ministry, it is our ministry." I am a co-owner of this life. Robb and I took this to heart and have never looked back. My life is completely entwined in the life of our church....for example, today I'll be watching a little boy who's family just started coming a few months ago...tonight I'll go and paint at the music hall and maybe practice with the band...tomorrow I'll go to coffee with the girls from bookclub... This is my life. Like caulk, I fill in the cracks, do what I am able to do, and even start new opportunities. I am fully invested in the philosophy and personality of our church (past and present...which means I have changed quite a bit over the years).

This of course raises a little question...Isn't that like a two for one deal for the church? Well, yes, it is. So shouldn't you get paid too? My answer to this is...for me...no. As long as the church doesn't take advantage of me, I don't have a problem being the support staff. And whether or not they take advantage of me depends mostly on... me. I really believe in Dr. Phil's lesson that you teach people how to treat you by the way you act. So I take full responsibility for setting expectations. For the most part, if Robb is being treated well and paid fairly and adequately for his work, my contribution is whole-hearted and freely given. If they are opposing my husband's leadership and/or using money as a weapon at church, my contributions become bigger sacrifices. It is at these times that I look to God and recall who I really work for...and it's not cranky church people.

We did actually serve at a church where they said at our interview, (and candidating will be my next topic) "We want you to know we don't expect a two for one deal. We don't expect Vanessa to be a part of all you do, Robb." They were trying to be nice, I suppose. But that was the stupidest thing I've heard in a long time. Far better to have said, "We are gonna work your husband like a dog and question him on everything he does. If you choose to work with him just so you can see him, that's your business..but again...we aren't gonna pay you for that." I won't say which church that was, but uh...we were doing youth ministry. Yeah, I'm gonna have my husband work with hot, cute teenage girls while I sit at home fat and pregnant, poor and doudy. Great plan. But I'm not bitter (much).

Every pastor's wife's contribution is going to be different...we have different skill sets and interests, and congregations need to be understanding that pastor's wives, like First Ladies, have no set job description. So be thankful for her for whoever she is.

Trying to decide on priorities between the life of family and church is a little like trying to take all the O's out of your alphabet soup. It can be done, but it's really tedious. Far better to have a blanket philosophy that can sometimes be moved based on individual circumstances...my blanket philosophy is that our church activities better be good for our family. If they pull us apart, make our kids resentful, exhaust us for relating to one another...there is something really wrong. But on the other hand, Robb and I were a family before they ever joined us. The kids are not the center of our life together. Jesus is. So they are part of the team, and we all revolve around Him. If my kids ever voiced resentment for this, I would really listen to them and take their feelings into account, much the same as I would listen to another adult who was burnt out on ministry stuff. I know that this water will get muddier when they are teens, but I'll post on that when I know what that is like. For now, if my babies are sick, I stay home with them...no matter what I'm supposed to do that morning.

I recall from Carolyn Blackburn's antiquated tome just one idea: The congregation wants to be proud of their pastor's wife. I don't know if this true or not, but I act like it is. So I work in a way that makes me respectable, even if they don't like me. I get the fact that people will be observing me as wife and mother and I encourage them at every opportunity to have a realistic view of our life. I recall a ladies meeting which I was called upon to lead, consisting of about 45 gray-haired women. They expected me to give a teaching devotional, but I found teaching these older women anything new pretty ridiculous. I turned the tables and made it a discussion of the greatest books they had read to aid their Christian walk, favorite passages of scripture and their hardest spiritual lessons. Keep it real. That's my mantra.

Of course our current situation couldn't be more different in many of these considerations...here at Vintage, I am just one of the many people who are whole-heartedly committed to the mission and leadership of this church. I have friends in the congregation (which you can't always do in older, established churches) and we all retain our commitment to forswear church politics. The only way I am different (well, me and Jaye T) is that I have sex with one of the pastors.

Okay, so maybe there is a little more to it. So why don't I automatically identify myself as pastor's wife here on my blog? I guess it's just such a pervasive thing in my life, like being human or female, I don't even think about needing to identify myself that way. It's a mantle I wear pretty lightly for the most part. I know that my philosophy is pretty different from many pastor's wives, but this is what works for me, for us, and for our church.

My Treatise on Being a Pastor's Wife-Part 1

I made a mental note of the stir my post about marriage caused; most of the fuss seemed to be related to the context of ministry. So I've been mulling it over, and here is my take on ministry...at least here is part one...

Why I married a pastor:

I decided I wanted to marry a pastor when I was about 15. Note that that was about 4 years before I became a Christian. The reasons at the time were probably because I felt like it would make my parents happy (and I'm pretty sure that ultimately hasn't been the case), and because I really liked my youth pastor and his wife. But even then, I wanted my life to have some thick purpose, and to not just marry some regular guy and have a regular job and a regular life. I wanted to be "about something" that was much bigger than me, and I was cognitively convinced by my surroundings and upbringing that thing was church. At that point, I was still a consumer of programs the church offered me and I guess I pictured attaining some kind of status by becoming the pastors wife (a little painful to admit but certainly true of an angst ridden teen looking for her place in this world.) I also wanted a guy who was "about something." The last guy I dated before Robb was just fun and we had a great chemistry since I was too serious...but he was never about anything...except maybe chasing a new adrenaline rush.

(Please note that there is nothing wrong with a regular job and a regular life. I in no way think of myself as superior or on some higher plane than everyone else.I just felt differently about things, and believe me, I was aware how "weird" I was for feeling that way.)

All of this led me to attend Bible college where I met Robb (and parenthetically, fell madly in love) and became an actual follower of Christ, in that order. By human standards, this progression seems to be the exact opposite order of "normal."

It was exactly at that point too, that my life began to unravel a bit...I broke up with Robb, went back to the "Fun Guy" (aka shallow) and contemplated the life of a traveling business-man's wife. I thought maybe having the actual relationship with Christ was enough to center my life around, but ultimately, I was still passionate about the work of a church. Fun Guy wasn't too into that himself, though he didn't mind what I did. And even though he broke up with me, I was still wildly in love with Robb and all that he was about.

I know this isn't the same for everyone, but for us, who Robb is at the core of his very being is a pastor. The two can't really be separated. Some people might think that is unhealthy, but that is how we view things. And that is why we made some of the decisions we made right from the very start....

Because Robb is a pastor, we took a tiny pastorate on Staten Island the summer we were married. It paid nothing, and was a heck of a lot of work. We traveled there every weekend while I was finishing college in Scranton, Pa and moved there when I finished. It would have made more sense, looking back, to get a job in the same town as the Seminary he was attending and focus ourselves to that...but no...he just drove down there once a week after we moved to NY and worked on his Masters on the side.
We made lots of decisions in our marriage based on that premise: Robb is a pastor so that's what we do. Whether it pays or not. Whether or not it "works for us."

That's why this whole church planting thing has been a trip. For about a year, he was still a pastor...still thinking like a pastor..still planning like a pastor...but with no church....just a dream and some other piecemeal jobs that took up his time while he went on orienting his life to a church that didn't yet exist.

Our tenacious view of Robb at this point in our lives was a huge positive. At a time when it felt like we were being de-constructed, the presupposition that Robb's identity iis a pastor was a foundation that we could remain supported by. The same way that it supported us before we were married (Robb is a pastor, so no matter how horny we get, we can't have premarital sex...chemistry indeed), I feel supported by it now (our marriage might have struggled, but he is a pastor and won't stand up in front of his people on a weekly basis and still allow himself to ignore our issues). I know some pastors do cheat on their wives, fall into various sins, etc. but maybe it is because they don't view themselves this way...I don't know. I'm just saying that for us it is both protective and causative.

So just to sum up...it wasn't a vitamin deficiency or the need for a challenge that led me to desire a life in ministry. I think it was God. I think he channeled me into the choices I made and the man that I found attractive. I deeply respect the complete nature of who Robb is...a wonderful, loving man who at the core of his being, is a pastor.

It does raise the interesting question that I know you are asking...Would I still have fallen for him if he wasn't a pastor? Well, we believe in God's sovereignty (even if we can't spell it) so all of our lives and choices have happened for a reason...I see an order in it, and that's enough for me. The question does not bother me, but it is rather, kind of silly. So I don't feel any need to explore it.

Choking on all these Changes

 

Here's a fine example of how time gets away from you. For months now, I have been observing this mama dove sitting on this nest in the birch tree just outside the back door. I wondered when those eggs were ever gonna hatch the way she sat and sat and sat. Then on Friday, I looked up and saw these two with her...how the three of them ever fit into that little nest, I cannot imagine...

jeremy

 

Friday was a busy day getting my brother, aka Uncle Pookie, packed and ready to move back to Houston. Here is my cousin Jeremy, who also lives there (hey, when you have 50 cousins, you have a shot of landing in the same town as one of them....) He and his sweet girlfriend, Lucy, drove up to help Ron move. It was a beastly hot day and the guys were drenched, but that didn't stop this goofball from playing with my kids and being hilarious. I won't go into all the details, but I'm still pretty sure my parents like him better than me...and after hanging out for the first time since he was pre-pubescent, I can see why.

ron

 

And here's a goodbye shot of Uncle Pookie himself, the man and the legend. Despite all the man-crushes my guy friends have on him, and all the great times we've had in the last four months, it's back to sucky corporate jobs and all his hot, beautiful friends in Houston for him. I give him full marks for making a stab at a life of creativity, but extentuating people and circumstances prevented him from following that path any further. I am still in denial about his leaving and will need to come up with some funny joke to cover my true, very blue, feelings about it because that is what my brother would do, and and dang it, he's cool.

Cribs

 

Here's another goodbye we said this weekend. That's right...we have dissasembled the crib. I had been holding off on doing this until Charleigh was potty trained, but since she evidently intends to wear a pull-up until her high-school graduation, I just went and bought a vinyl mattress cover for the big girl bunk.

Of course, I know all about what happens when you sell the crib and you can be sure their will be no nookie around here until I'm convinced the baby-voodoo is past. I'm having a garage sale and getting rid of all the damn sippy cups while I'm at it. If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do it big time.

rooms

 

 

You know the old saying, "Take a picture, it will last longer." That is the thought here. Feeling blue about my brother and the crib gone, I threw myself into a massive effort to geer up "the machine" for the first day of school. All drawers, closets, and bedrooms in good functioning order, bathroom poised and ready for morning onslaughts, and the whole house decluttered and set into workable order. I spent all day Saturday on the kids rooms...painted the girl's bunkbeds and built, sanded, and painted the ladder. While waiting for the paint to dry, I completely organized Vin's room. It was near midnight when I finished the girl's room, putting up the last American Girl poster. On Sunday afternoon, we hauled out the garbage bags full of trinkets for the garage sale and began the effort to make the garage functional...that might be beyond human ability though...

main event

 

 

 

 

And here is the main event...I can't believe they are back to school. This is the first year...this is profound, so don't miss it...that we are returning to a school as seasoned veterans. Mattie's first year was of course...a big deal. He first day at first grade (still in MI) was the day we adopted Charleigh and then 3 weeks later, we moved and she started a new private school here. At the end of that school year, we moved into this house and Mattie and Vin went together to another new school . This year, we'll have some continuity for the first time.

last

 

So girlfriends here, I am thinking of you this morning and praying for you...I know you are having "a morning" too. And the rest of you overachievers who started last week...bless your hearts.

Kid Stuff

So we had our annual hot-dog social at the kid's school last night, where we met their teachers and saw their classrooms. We don't get any "say" about which teachers they get, but I know my mother in law prays about this on a regular basis. We're feeling really great about them both. On the way home, Mattie and Vin were squirming with excitement declaring how they wished that school could start today. Vin spent several hours this morning practicing reading and doing math. He's going into 1st grade. Mattie is glad her teacher is pretty.

Charleigh has occasionally piped up to tell us things about their trip with the grandparents several weeks ago. She's big on telling us about the "roller poster."

On Sunday, when my cold had first settled in my throat, Charleigh was curious about my voice being gone. We were sitting at lunch and she asked, "You got a cold, Mama?"

"Yes, Charleigh. I've got a cold."
"Where, what, you got a cold?" she puzzles.
"I don't know, Charleigh."
"Mama. Mama. Do this....(clearsthroat)."

This morning, at breakfast, Vin declared, "Mom, you are my favorite Lady."
after a few minutes of thinking, he followed up with, "Do you know who my second favorite lady is? Mary...you remember Mary from Michigan? She's my second favorite lady."

Mattie let this thought sit for a moment and then said, "Don't you mean that she is your fourth favorite after Nana and Mars?"

"No." Calvin replied flatly.

Mattie quickly absolved him of his sin by reasoning, "Oh, I know...Nana and Mars are your favorite OLD Ladies."

What do you do all day???

I was standing by my car talking with my friend last night (we weren't going to coffee, so we stood by our cars and talked for two hours...do you see the irony?) She asked this question and since it was not technically part of bookclub, I decided to post it here because it amused me and I thought it would be a good conversation starter....

"What do you do all day?"

I would like to answer that here, with the caveat that this is all about to change in four days when school starts...and also that this is not glamorous at all...or particularly industrious, which I haven't really been this summer....

okay, got all the excuses???

I wake up about 7:30 and helped hubby out the door if he needs me...iron, pack lunch, find a granola bar or something. Sometimes (like after bookclub) he lets me sleep in.

After the kids have breakfast (sometimes they get it themselves) I break open my computer and check in this order:
gmail
bloglines blog reader (which shows a list of the blogs I read, with the ones that have been updated in bold)
ebay
the weather and the drudge report.
I blog. I usually have about four ideas I want to write about but I sometimes can't get into the groove of writing...it all depends...

then I instant message hubby at work and talk about the day...what he's doing, what I need to do...

I have the kids get dressed, pick up their rooms and send them out to play.

Most mornings, I like to stand at a window and survey my flowers and plants. I water them if I need to, and then do pool maintenance, which I liken to a zen garden...there is something really soothing about skimming.

of course, I have usually broken up three arguments by then, so zen is good...

Back inside I check my email again and think about working. Some days I need to list, or pack boxes, or take photographs. During the school year, I was very regimented, but I found that working with the kids underfoot was not productive at all and left us all really frustrated. So if they are in a good groove playing, I do try to work, but if they are not...I reply to blogs or IM Robb some more or other stop and go tasks.

By this time, I have also usually started some laundry, or run the dishwasher or ordered the kids to pick up their blankets, toys, and in Vin's case, wars. I kill flies.

Are you getting a feel for how formless and void my day can be?

Snacktime is 10 o'clock. Lunch is at noon. If I am busy with boxes, Mattie likes to make lunch. I'm always afraid she will resent this, but so far, she seems to get a kick out of it.

After lunch, I check email again, and the blogs, and ebay. I put out any fires. I IM Robb...

And most days, I am like caulk...I just fill in the cracks. Whatever needs to be done. This week, I have gone over to my brother's house to help him pack. I pay bills. I work on my mosaic table while watching the kids in the pool. I also answer questions like "Mom, can we take some stuff outside like pepper and laundry soap to make experiments with Rachel?" I've occasionally read or tried to get inspired. I think about doing projects, but always back off when I figure the kids won't let me get anything done. I make grocery lists, think about Vintage stuff, cut coupons, post the menu, fill in the calendar, break up more arguments...think of fun things to do when they are bored....it all gets warmer and drowsier as the day goes on...until Charleigh poops in her pants and it's back to life and reality.

At four o'clock a bell goes off in my head. More of a buzzer, actually. I spring into a sprint...kill flies, start supper,change the laundry, clean the kitchen, vacuum, organize, and just generally make things nice. I have been known to take my shower at this time of day as well. All this is in prep for Robb. It is always my goal for him to feel good about coming home. Sometimes he gets home before I am finished and then I'm all thrown off...

We eat supper as a family. Usually sometime during the day, Robb and I have strategized about how to spend the evening...family swim, vintage work, working on ebay together, a favorite tv show, meetings, book club...

We've watched very little tv this summer, but I love Leno. I consider him a good friend...a friend who's show I rarely see the end of.

That's my basic summer day. Here's what I dream about my day being when the school year starts...tick tick tick...

I will rise at 6:30 and have coffee made the night before. Robb and I will check our computer stuff and I will read my online liturgy.

I'll make a good hearty breakfast for the kids and pack Robb's lunch.

When I see them off with a kiss and a wave, I will post an interesting blog, and then do morning chores...which is sure to include turning off lights for some reason.

I'll make a nutritious snack for Charleigh, praise her for her success at using the potty, and then work on ebay all morning, being incredibly neat and productive, while Charleigh plays with her educational toys. At lunch time, Chuck and I will read books and I'll practice her colors and letters with her.

When she goes down for her nap, I will use the quiet time to read scholarly books about investment clubs, organic cooking, and how to break into the freelance writing market. Before Chucky G awakes, I will prepare milk and cookies for the children's arrival from school. Charleigh and I will go out to meet the children, thereby getting in our exercise for the day. We'll have our snack together and talk about their day, do their homework, and sign their folders.

Then it will be time break into the pre-Robb sprint, where I turn the house into home and prepare a lovely supper.

After supper, we play a game with the children and send them to their rooms for book time while Robb and I connect. We kiss them goodnight and say their prayers and settle in for a quiet night together with a good tv show, vintage project or both. We settle down at 9:30 and watch the Leno we taped the night before...because we are such good and orderly people...

Nice, huh?

Chuck

Asleep in her time out chair and making one of her great jumps, which Vinny calls "Organtic" which is, I think, a cross between organic and gigantic.

Monday Monday....

Here's a couple tidbits of info just so you don't go away from Happiness all disgusted an annoyed that there is nothing new...

I have completely lost my voice. Got a cold and it settled in my voice, so if you call me, some scratchy voiced person will answer...just go with it. Thank goodness I can still type.

This is our last week of summer. I would like to be all sentimental, but honestly, I'm looking forward to the schedule and routine the school year brings. This has been a great summer, but it's time to get back to work!

Vin got invited to attend the Demolition Derby with his friend William who lives next door (yes, the William that presses his nose against my front door window, peering into my house when he is lonely, the one that I mentally call 'Skippy' and the one that inexplicable has almost a British accent...but I digress). Anyway, his mom and I talked about it the day before and I thought it would be really fun for him. I had to talk the girls off the ledge, as both were crying at the thought that Brother got to do something they didn't get to do. It was a little more surprising when I had to talk Vin off the ledge just before they left as he started to cry and ask if Sissy could go with him, split his ticket with him, if I could go, etc. etc. I guess he realized that he was about to enter the unknown territory of doing something away from his family. I gave him my number to put in his pocket and our friends next door assured him (and me) that he did NOT want to miss the funnel cake. As soon as they got there (a mile from us) He was absolutely enthralled.

I am still getting comments on the marriage/family/ministry posts and will be spinning them off into a couple of more specific posts soon. I realized after getting some posts from new people that I never really identify myself as a pastor's wife on this blog. I guess I just never lead with that...what does that say, I wonder????

ok...time to earn some money to pay for all those school supplies and backpacks.

Always interested in quotes about happiness....

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.
Oscar Levant
(1906 - 1972)

I've posted this before and I'll post it again...

How baffling you are, oh Church,
and yet how I love you!
How you have made me suffer,
and yet how much I owe you!
I should like to see you destroyed,
and yet I need your presence.
You have given me so much scandal
and yet you have made me understand sanctity.
I have seen nothing in the world more
devoted to obscurity, more compromised,
more false, and I have touched nothing more pure,
more generous, more beautiful.
How often I have wanted to shut the doors
of my soul in your face, and how often
I have prayed to die in the safety of your arms.
No, I cannot free myself from you, because
I am you, although not completely.
And where should I go?
-Carlos Carretto

This will make you smile...

just watch the video and don't think too hard.

I'll tell you the truth...

Aaron might tease about my confessions here at Happiness, but I decided some time ago that this would be the true story of being a SAHWAM, child of God, and church planter, and not the Disney version of it. I have tried to be really honest so that if any of you are out there contemplating oh, say, leaving all you know to start a church from scratch, you will have a real image in your head of what that will look like, and not just the propaganda they hand out at the PDCPC (...which I am not going to link up, but if you lie awake at night long enough, you will decipher.)

So anyway, I've purposely left out a big chunk of what has occurred here in Marriage-land. It wasn't a very inspiring tale for some time. For about two years (we moved two years ago?) things have been spiraling downward, just as Vintage Fellowship has spiraled up. Last fall, I issued an ultimatum...if things weren't better in a year, I was giving up on it all.

I'd like to say for the record that ultimatums are not the healthiest way of relating, but I was worn pretty thin at that point, and drawing a little chalk line was actually a pretty healthy way of establishing some mental release from the question "How LONG will it be this way?"

A year ago, Robb was still working retail, we were paying both rent and mortgage on our still-unsold house in MI, I had no friends here, and we were sinking into credit card debt to the tune of $1000.00 per month. Somewhere, we had crossed the line from "Anything for the Kingdom" to "Just plain stupid." The Better I was referring to was somehow related to...oh...being able to pay our bills, spend some time together as a family, and the church being something other than the place I spent all my best energy and got sucked into doing stuff I really didn't want to do.

The week after I issued the ultimatum, about 35 new people showed up at Vintage. Robb and I exchanged glances that meant something like this:
"Maybe these people will be the difference between this church and consequently...our marriage making it..."

Not all of those people stayed, but several did, and it really was a turning point. Vintage has steadily gained in momentum since that day, and my doubts about the viability of this church faded. Time and experiences together have knit my heart with these people in a rare and wonderful way.

Unfortunately, our marriage did not magically heal. It seemed, actually to grow more brittle. There was no money or time or room for us. All of the good we had built up between us over our first 10 years together seemed to evaporate. I can't tell you how many nights I sat up awake at night praying that God would fix us. I bargained with him, reminding him that I had been willing to give up a lot for this church, but I wasn't willing to give up a good marriage for it. Outwardly, we seemed to circle each other...doing the same things, going through the same motions we always did, but with no heart for it. We didn't fight, and if we did, it was quickly tucked away, since we were just too tired to go there. "This is what couples mean when they say they've grown apart", I thought.

In July, the guys started the series on Transformation. Robb asked what we wished we could change. I didn't even have the heart to think "my marriage." They talked a bout how Truth, Relationships, and Accountability are the ways God uses to change us...all of those things working on us simultaneously. They were preaching Truth. I was forming relationships. One night, I decided to take the plunge and make myself accountable to the girls. Over coffee, I told two close friends, "I am 32 and I feel like my life is over. I don't feel anything for my marriage. I think if somebody else was nice to me, I would be so tempted by that."

That's as much as I could figure out. I didn't know what that meant or what to do next. My friends just listened and sympathized. They didn't say bad things about Robb. They didn't make assumptions. They didn't launch into a weird-feeling prayer session in which they simultaneously preached the marriage passages of scripture.

The next morning was strange. I wondered what I had done...I had made it all real by saying it out loud...because if I could admit that to my friends, I was going to have to admit it to myself and maybe even to Robb. I stopped saying the words, "I love you." I couldn't pretend anymore.

For four days, we lived side by side without touching one another...which was outwardly no different from the way we had been living, but now it had become very explicit.

At midnight on Monday night, Robb asked me if I was awake. It felt like the zero hour...we were either going to get things set straight or we were going to fail at our marriage.


********

Eleven years ago today, we stood in a hot auditorium and made some promises to one another in front of some of you and a lot of other people. Dr. Carter printed out every reference to marriage and family life in the Bible on one long, continuous print-out, with his personal notes scrawled on the margins, which Aaron was commissioned to hold throughout his 40 minute talk. He told us that our day was, he believed, "a milestone in redemptive history." That in the long and winding story of what God does to reach people, he believed our marriage was a kind of chapter heading...that because we were together, other people's lives would be changed for the good. He cast a great vision for what our marriage was supposed to be about...not just our love for one another, but for our purpose in marrying one another and the "ever after" that would dictate.

********

We talked all night.

As morning dawned that day...minutes from the time that Vin usually wakes up, we had reached another milestone in redemptive history. We had updated and perhaps even re-written our old marriage contract to include forgiveness, honor, and a thick and heavy blanket of love to cover a multitude of sins. On the surface, our problems were a jumbled mess with no end and no beginning, which felt pretty overwhelming. But at the heart of things, we had found some very specific issues that needed to be made right. Twenty four hours earlier, I would not have believed it was possible to set those things right, but for us, there was a root issue that needed to be dealt with, and the rest followed. We spent the week without the kids totally engrossed in one another and our church community. Better than a honeymoon.

And this morning, Robb woke me up with a tray of donuts and strawberries, coffee and roses. Tonight, we'll join our VF friends at a concert in the park. I'm happy to include them in our celebration of 11 years together....they are, after all, part of the glue that holds us together.

What happens at Bookclub stays at Bookclub

About 6 weeks ago, to give an opportunity for fellowship, we began a women's ministry at Vintage. Since we had so many people interested in it, we decided to offer a book club and a Bible study. Both groups have been very well attended. I opted for the book club since that seemed a little more manageable to me.

We are nearly finished now with the delightful Lauren Winner's Mudhouse Sabbath. There's no way to say with any certainty that it is the book that has bonded us, or if the chemistry was all right there to begin with, but this has really become one of those extraordinary experiences that you look back on and say, "Wow, everything was different after that."

It is part of the code that we keep the confidences of the group to ourselves, but I can say that this group has been one of the best parts of my life this summer.

I'm back in the Blogosphere...

with kids....

Met up with my inlaws in Nashville on Sunday night, and headed home yesterday after getting the "weird noise" checked out on the car. Turned out to be either nothing, or the more likely "notice of impending vehicular disaster within the next three weeks." Sear's automotive said it was nothing anyway...

So kids are back, laundry is running, plants are watered and stacks of ebay boxes to ship await me in the sweltering garage. It will be too hot to live this week, but I suspect that late night swimming will provide me with much needed out-door time.

Have much to report, but must force myself to get my work done before I receive well-deserved negative feedback.

SIGH...summer is slipping away.....it was a good one....the best I've had in years....

My Ghoulish Side