Thursday, March 29, 2007
My Life is so weird....
I got up and showered and wore makeup....to do a radio spot.
I just recorded a radio commercial for Vintage at Hot Mix 101.9.
Still tweaking the copy at the last second.
1.5 takes.
16,000 listeners.
Kinda cool, huh?
Click here to hear it.
I just recorded a radio commercial for Vintage at Hot Mix 101.9.
Still tweaking the copy at the last second.
1.5 takes.
16,000 listeners.
Kinda cool, huh?
Click here to hear it.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Dreams and Dread
It seems like my dominant emotion this week is dread. It's a terrible feeling...and I can't seem to shake it. It seems like everywhere I turn there is a particularly unpleasant task which I hate doing and wish I could put off and can't. Today, I would like to finish my gardening project and hang up my screen door, but I have to pay bills, pack ebay boxes and clean up all the stuff I left outside last night, not realizing it was going to pour (albeit much needed) rain.
It didn't help when I woke up with a heart-pounding bad dream last night. It was one of those vivid, complicated and bizarre dreams that leaves you puzzling "What could I do to get out of that situation?" for the rest of the night. I hate that.
...I've got to get myself together
got myself stuck in a moment
and can't get out of it...
It didn't help when I woke up with a heart-pounding bad dream last night. It was one of those vivid, complicated and bizarre dreams that leaves you puzzling "What could I do to get out of that situation?" for the rest of the night. I hate that.
...I've got to get myself together
got myself stuck in a moment
and can't get out of it...
Monday, March 26, 2007
Consider the Lilies...
Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
This is the language I learned much of the Bible in. While the Message makes it fresh an practical, this will always be one of my favorite passages in the KJV.
Consider the lilies...indeed.
And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
This is the language I learned much of the Bible in. While the Message makes it fresh an practical, this will always be one of my favorite passages in the KJV.
Consider the lilies...indeed.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
how cute are these kids?
Do you think i'll still feel this way after they are home all week for spring break, while the weather is supposed to be non-stop rain?
hmmm.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
It's all gotta come out sometime...
so I haven't blogged in two or three days, but I've just spent the last hour and half getting caught up....
Honesty is the Best Policy
I cannot tell you how many people have commented to me lately about my honesty...especially in connection with our life in ministry. It got me thinking about the way leadership has changed in my mind over the years.
Our pastor's wife, growing up, was a remarkably complex person, but was nearly invisible. She was a smiling, soft-spoken, undercurrent...fully capable of making things happen, but not in a way you could see on the surface. She was internal...with enormous amounts of pain under an always perfectly coiffed head of hair. I knew her as my pastor's wife for 15 years, and have no idea how she really felt about anything. If she or her husband spoke of a struggle they had, it was always past tense..."We had this problem years ago, but we have conquered that and are fine now."
Being a pastor's wife is a weird job. I could write for hours about it. I'd like to someday chronicle my adventures in 5 states and 4 churches...if I could figure out a way to write it without getting sued for libel (or is it slander that is printed?).
Anyway, that being said, I guess I just came to a place where I began to believe that the best way for me to be a pastors' wife and a Christian and a human being, was to just be honest....honest about my fears and failures and hangups and quirks and loves and hates and mostly, honest about the changes that take place around and in me.
I didn't really put it together until just a few days ago, but that is pretty different from a lot of our backgrounds, which tell us that we cannot lead unless we are better than the ones we lead. We must be higher on the spiritual ladder, have conquered our character flaws, and must live a life that is unattainable to most other mortals. Thus the tiered church membership plans that have one set of standards for the pleebs (liked that word, Heidi) and another set of standards for the Leadership. We had "Platform" rules at our church, growing up...if you were on the platform, you had to live and dress a certain way. It has this way of seeping like sewage into everything...You can't be the nursery director because you're divorced. You can't be a musician because you knocked up your girfriend. You can't be an usher because you threatened to shoot your neighbor...oh, wait, no...that was one that should have happened but didn't...because after all, he wore a suit every week.
I wonder if this is how we get really screwed up sometimes. I mean, certainly, it would be good if your Pastor and pastor's wife didn't meet in therapy and she claimed to have multiple personality disorder ...oh shoot...that libel thing... anyway, yes, it would be good if the leadership was stable. But perfect? Really?
What if the leadership was just a bunch of screwballs who were learning and growing too? What if they weren't as disciplined as they could be? What if they are in fact, some kind of 80s Breakfast Club? We are as Switchfoot put it so very well, a beautiful let-down. But we are deeply committed to the church, are striving to know Christ better, and happen to be good at teaching, leading, administrating and just making church happen?
I guess that is how I feel we are different. We aren't great people. I'm not great anyway. I'm just on this journey. I'm only this far on it. I don't have all the answers. I don't live it the best way possible...I do try. And I love Jesus. I'm committed to following Him for the rest of my life...to orienting everything we do to Him. But I'm a crank. I get PMS and really take it to a whole new level of ugly sometimes. I yell at my kids. I eat for comfort sake. I forget to pray. My house is a wreck. I'm a workaholic. I don't spend enough time with people. I'm shy. I'm sarcastic. My neighbors annoy me. I'm self-absorbed. I think about money too much. I'm...human.
Wanna follow Jesus with me? He's pretty much my only hope.
Our pastor's wife, growing up, was a remarkably complex person, but was nearly invisible. She was a smiling, soft-spoken, undercurrent...fully capable of making things happen, but not in a way you could see on the surface. She was internal...with enormous amounts of pain under an always perfectly coiffed head of hair. I knew her as my pastor's wife for 15 years, and have no idea how she really felt about anything. If she or her husband spoke of a struggle they had, it was always past tense..."We had this problem years ago, but we have conquered that and are fine now."
Being a pastor's wife is a weird job. I could write for hours about it. I'd like to someday chronicle my adventures in 5 states and 4 churches...if I could figure out a way to write it without getting sued for libel (or is it slander that is printed?).
Anyway, that being said, I guess I just came to a place where I began to believe that the best way for me to be a pastors' wife and a Christian and a human being, was to just be honest....honest about my fears and failures and hangups and quirks and loves and hates and mostly, honest about the changes that take place around and in me.
I didn't really put it together until just a few days ago, but that is pretty different from a lot of our backgrounds, which tell us that we cannot lead unless we are better than the ones we lead. We must be higher on the spiritual ladder, have conquered our character flaws, and must live a life that is unattainable to most other mortals. Thus the tiered church membership plans that have one set of standards for the pleebs (liked that word, Heidi) and another set of standards for the Leadership. We had "Platform" rules at our church, growing up...if you were on the platform, you had to live and dress a certain way. It has this way of seeping like sewage into everything...You can't be the nursery director because you're divorced. You can't be a musician because you knocked up your girfriend. You can't be an usher because you threatened to shoot your neighbor...oh, wait, no...that was one that should have happened but didn't...because after all, he wore a suit every week.
I wonder if this is how we get really screwed up sometimes. I mean, certainly, it would be good if your Pastor and pastor's wife didn't meet in therapy and she claimed to have multiple personality disorder ...oh shoot...that libel thing... anyway, yes, it would be good if the leadership was stable. But perfect? Really?
What if the leadership was just a bunch of screwballs who were learning and growing too? What if they weren't as disciplined as they could be? What if they are in fact, some kind of 80s Breakfast Club? We are as Switchfoot put it so very well, a beautiful let-down. But we are deeply committed to the church, are striving to know Christ better, and happen to be good at teaching, leading, administrating and just making church happen?
I guess that is how I feel we are different. We aren't great people. I'm not great anyway. I'm just on this journey. I'm only this far on it. I don't have all the answers. I don't live it the best way possible...I do try. And I love Jesus. I'm committed to following Him for the rest of my life...to orienting everything we do to Him. But I'm a crank. I get PMS and really take it to a whole new level of ugly sometimes. I yell at my kids. I eat for comfort sake. I forget to pray. My house is a wreck. I'm a workaholic. I don't spend enough time with people. I'm shy. I'm sarcastic. My neighbors annoy me. I'm self-absorbed. I think about money too much. I'm...human.
Wanna follow Jesus with me? He's pretty much my only hope.
God in the Equation
I was not a good math student. I actually had my 8th grade teacher tell me that he knew I wasn't deranged, but he just couldn't figure out how I could screw it up so much.
That being said, I like the concept of equations. I like the predictable idea of putting certain concepts together in a way that will equal other concepts.
It's kind of an oxymoron to put God in an equation...certainly he is unpredictable. But on the other hand, I've been thinking about our situation and the situations of some of my dear friends...
Without God, none of it makes much sense and there is little to be hopeful about. I wish I could express without cliche how much of a diffence He really does make. My life would be hopeless without Him. It would make no sense. He opens up the possibility that inspite of all our choices, all our mistakes, all of our well-intentioned, but misguided assumptions, GOOD will prevail in the end, HOPE is a logical conclusion, and GRACE is just around the corner.
I guess that is why I've reached another plateau of hope. Things are not great in some ways. I have a big fork in the road ahead of me and no indication of what I can/should do. But I feel really confident and hopeful that God will do what needs to be done. I'm not paralyzed by fear...I'm not even allowing it to vote in my decision-making. I hope my confidence is contagious.
That being said, I like the concept of equations. I like the predictable idea of putting certain concepts together in a way that will equal other concepts.
It's kind of an oxymoron to put God in an equation...certainly he is unpredictable. But on the other hand, I've been thinking about our situation and the situations of some of my dear friends...
Without God, none of it makes much sense and there is little to be hopeful about. I wish I could express without cliche how much of a diffence He really does make. My life would be hopeless without Him. It would make no sense. He opens up the possibility that inspite of all our choices, all our mistakes, all of our well-intentioned, but misguided assumptions, GOOD will prevail in the end, HOPE is a logical conclusion, and GRACE is just around the corner.
I guess that is why I've reached another plateau of hope. Things are not great in some ways. I have a big fork in the road ahead of me and no indication of what I can/should do. But I feel really confident and hopeful that God will do what needs to be done. I'm not paralyzed by fear...I'm not even allowing it to vote in my decision-making. I hope my confidence is contagious.
For Tammi
Just so you know all my inventions for dinner aren't great. We had a salmon patty situation last night which resulted in Hubby making a McDonald's run. '
I think the word he used, (while laughing and snorting and gagging) was putrid.
I think the word he used, (while laughing and snorting and gagging) was putrid.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Mornin'
Good morning.
I had a friend tell me yesterday, she doesn't know how she lived before my blog. No pressure or anything. (ha ha!)
I only drank one cup of coffee on Saturday. I felt like I was having a dream most of the day, but I did it.
Gave up beer for Lent, put on a couple pounds. Hubby gave it up and lost 10 pounds.
Found a couple of surprises in the back yard which I took as signs of God's love for me: I've always wanted a forsythia bush and one is blooming outside the window. Rose bushes are looking healthy and green and a pink ornamental crab is doing it's best to pink up. There are also blooming trees in the front yard of our entire neighborhood, which look beautiful. If it weren't suppose to rain the entire week, I'd be out digging and planting. Heck, I might anyway.
I think I may have finally adjusted to the time change. I was up about 6:30 this morning thinking about where to plant some bulbs I bought yesterday with my garage sale bounty. Garage sale money typically goes to the same several things in the same order:
Pizza
A good haircut (check)
Stuff to plant a garden and fix up the yard
Going to garage sales. (where else am I going to spend 15 dollars in quarters?)
If you go to Sam's club, what is your strategy? It's a very overwhelming place and you have to make a lot of decisions...so how do you decide what to buy in enormous quantities? Yesterday we decided on bbq sauce, Robb's razor blades (literally, a year's supply) frozen blueberries, whole wheat pasta, a year's supply of garbage bags and a giant tub of animal crackers.
We then went over to Aldi's which if you don't have them, maybe you have Sav-a-lot? They are ultra cheap and have no fixtures, just boxes of product stacked up with one open box on top. The brands are not brands you've ever heard of and you have to check the cheese to see if it is moldy or not, but hey, what IS cheese anyway? For the totally mundane, you can't beat them: flour, sugar, spices, sliced cheese, cream of mushroom soup, paper plates, graham crackers, saltines, and knock-off cereals...what would have cost about 100 dollars at Walmart, was only about half at Aldis. If they have a good manager, they are good thing. If they don't, they have a distinct odor which you will never be able to shake from your memory bank. Don't buy your meat or produce there. Just don't.
I was cutting coupons, which Charleigh calls, "Poupons." When I coached her a bit on the correct pronunciation, she called them "Coo Coo Poupons." Also if you haven't already, check out her rendition of a certain Beatle's tune posted on Robb's blog
Okay, another totally random question...how do you deal with your neighborhood kids? I'm glad they have kids to play with, (I guess) but I weary of refereeing. And the fourth grader who bosses my kids to death and then becomes a manipulative liar when my kids find other people to play with...well that is no fun. And of course, there is the big church sign in the front yard to live up to.
Well, that should give you something to chat about while I pack ebay boxes. Have fun.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Happy Garage Sale Day
I give full credit to the success of my garage sales to my husband's extraordinary signage...
That being said, I came pretty close to selling it all.
I am sunburned.
I am exhausted.
I am freezing. (We had a high of 60 degrees, which sound nice until your hands start to get that thick, frozen feeling.
But I have no compulsion to try selling again tomorrow because whatever's left can go to the thrift store, and that is some kind of miracle.
Good night.
That being said, I came pretty close to selling it all.
I am sunburned.
I am exhausted.
I am freezing. (We had a high of 60 degrees, which sound nice until your hands start to get that thick, frozen feeling.
But I have no compulsion to try selling again tomorrow because whatever's left can go to the thrift store, and that is some kind of miracle.
Good night.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Little Conversations With God
I don't have any real problems right now, it just feels like I do.
So finally, last night after supper, I just shut the door to take a shower (I get my showers at totally random times when I am certain to get both hot water and five minutes peace). I don't like baths....don't like "stewing in my own filth" as Chandler Bing said. But last night, I just filled that thing up with steaming water and sat there waiting for God to talk with me.
I could feel myself yammering at Him for days now..."Hey, God, what are you gonna do about my stuff? You said you'd take care of us, but things are getting kind of bad. I feel like I can't even get the stuff I need. You said you will meet are needs...are you gonna? Huh? Are ya? God, come on...you promised us...And what about my friends? Are you gonna take care of them too? What kind of God am I peddling here? We can't so much as get a McDonald's Hamburger without screwing up the budget and our friends are at rock bottom...I know you are gonna do something...why don't you do it already?"
When I finally shut up, this is what I got...
"Be faithful with what you have. Do what you can."
He never seems to use half as many words as I do.
okay, God.
You see, we do have what we need. It's tomorrow and the next day that I've been fretting over. I resent the daily-ness of our need. I wonder if Elijah ever got anxious about whether or not the birds would bring him anything good to eat each day?
Speaking of good things to eat, we are getting low on groceries (if we could just stop eating, we'd be rich, I think), but we've been having absolutely inspired meals lately. On Monday, I marinated some chicken thighs in fresh orange juice and garlic and lemon-pepper salt and Robb grilled them with some of those hickory chips that Donna got for the ribs we had with them. I made a corn and black bean relish and I warmed up tortilla chips to go with the chicken...it was yum. Last night, I used breaded chicken tenders in tortilla wraps with turkey bacon, a little cheese, fresh spinach and ranch dressing. I don't have a clue what I'll come up with tonight, but we've still got chicken and cans of stuff, so you never know...
And some other little miracles...Robb had two stamps in his wallet. And I think I have a magnolia tree in my back yard just like the one we had in Michigan. I feel so inspired by that to go out and rake and make things nicer.
Yeah, you do what you can.
So finally, last night after supper, I just shut the door to take a shower (I get my showers at totally random times when I am certain to get both hot water and five minutes peace). I don't like baths....don't like "stewing in my own filth" as Chandler Bing said. But last night, I just filled that thing up with steaming water and sat there waiting for God to talk with me.
I could feel myself yammering at Him for days now..."Hey, God, what are you gonna do about my stuff? You said you'd take care of us, but things are getting kind of bad. I feel like I can't even get the stuff I need. You said you will meet are needs...are you gonna? Huh? Are ya? God, come on...you promised us...And what about my friends? Are you gonna take care of them too? What kind of God am I peddling here? We can't so much as get a McDonald's Hamburger without screwing up the budget and our friends are at rock bottom...I know you are gonna do something...why don't you do it already?"
When I finally shut up, this is what I got...
"Be faithful with what you have. Do what you can."
He never seems to use half as many words as I do.
okay, God.
You see, we do have what we need. It's tomorrow and the next day that I've been fretting over. I resent the daily-ness of our need. I wonder if Elijah ever got anxious about whether or not the birds would bring him anything good to eat each day?
Speaking of good things to eat, we are getting low on groceries (if we could just stop eating, we'd be rich, I think), but we've been having absolutely inspired meals lately. On Monday, I marinated some chicken thighs in fresh orange juice and garlic and lemon-pepper salt and Robb grilled them with some of those hickory chips that Donna got for the ribs we had with them. I made a corn and black bean relish and I warmed up tortilla chips to go with the chicken...it was yum. Last night, I used breaded chicken tenders in tortilla wraps with turkey bacon, a little cheese, fresh spinach and ranch dressing. I don't have a clue what I'll come up with tonight, but we've still got chicken and cans of stuff, so you never know...
And some other little miracles...Robb had two stamps in his wallet. And I think I have a magnolia tree in my back yard just like the one we had in Michigan. I feel so inspired by that to go out and rake and make things nicer.
Yeah, you do what you can.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Hmmm
You would think that when day after day passes and you are still okay, even though every day has major challenges, that you would start to relax and trust that God will actually meet your everyday needs. But I haven't. Why is that?
Why do I only seem to have two geers? Manic busy or lazy lump. It's very disconcerting. If I could just humm along at a steady chug, everything would be fine, but I am apparently, as my mother likes to say, addicted to adrenaline and unless I feel like something is going to explode, I put it off. What a terrible personality trait.
I'm having a garage sale this week. Somebody at church asked if there would be anything good, to which I replied..."No, it's all junk." This is a total truism. If anything I'm attempting to sell had any value at all, I would have sold it on ebay already. Should be an interesting day, huh?
Okay, time to fly. Here are some things I am thinking about which render me completely worthless for a blog post that is any fun at all:
Why is Vin still sick? Will Charleigh ever poop in the potty? What can I put in the back yard to keep Sid from tracking so much mud into the house? What will happen to some of our friends who are having a hard time right now? Will our finances ever be okay? Wow, I'm getting fat. Shoot, I forgot to send my niece's birthday present...again. We have no stamps. But don't worry, we don't have any money to buy stamps anyway. We'd have money if I would get some work done. I would love to get some work done if only there wasn't so much mud on the floor and so much poop to clean up......
Bang head here.
Why do I only seem to have two geers? Manic busy or lazy lump. It's very disconcerting. If I could just humm along at a steady chug, everything would be fine, but I am apparently, as my mother likes to say, addicted to adrenaline and unless I feel like something is going to explode, I put it off. What a terrible personality trait.
I'm having a garage sale this week. Somebody at church asked if there would be anything good, to which I replied..."No, it's all junk." This is a total truism. If anything I'm attempting to sell had any value at all, I would have sold it on ebay already. Should be an interesting day, huh?
Okay, time to fly. Here are some things I am thinking about which render me completely worthless for a blog post that is any fun at all:
Why is Vin still sick? Will Charleigh ever poop in the potty? What can I put in the back yard to keep Sid from tracking so much mud into the house? What will happen to some of our friends who are having a hard time right now? Will our finances ever be okay? Wow, I'm getting fat. Shoot, I forgot to send my niece's birthday present...again. We have no stamps. But don't worry, we don't have any money to buy stamps anyway. We'd have money if I would get some work done. I would love to get some work done if only there wasn't so much mud on the floor and so much poop to clean up......
Bang head here.
Friday, March 09, 2007
MILSPEAK: Embrace the Suck
Two things you should know before you click on the link.
Number one, my Dad was a Green Beret, Special Forces, in Vietnam and I am profoundly proud of him for that. My brother was also active duty Army and reservist for about 10 years, and was incredibly, amazingly good at it. I also have a passel of cousins, uncles, a Grandpa and lots of friends who are military and I LOVE them for it. I've seen first hand how a limp, whining teenager has been transformed into a man in just a few months in the military. I couldn't think more highly of the men and women in the military.
And two: If you are at all squeamish about "language" don't click the link. These guys have an extreme job and they use extreme language and I have absolutly no problem with it.
On with the story:
So I've been having a hard time getting into the groove of working...the weather is nice, and I've been having fun and hanging out with friends and just generally feeling like a lady of leisure. I know the work needs to be done, but come on... So during "work hours" for the last couple of days, I have done things like, oh... play computer games, make nice snacks and read magazines. It's been like a dream...one that I shrug about and then putter some more.
But yesterday, my day began to include things like...yet another Code Brown Situation in Charleigh's underwear, two calls from friends having a HARD TIME, a shipping deadline that I barely made, and then it really got good with an error in our bill paying system that left the checkbook overdrawn, keeping me on the phone all night trying to straighten things out, and cleaning up vomit around 2:00 a.m. Back to life..back to reality.
So when I heard this phrase, I immediatly liked it and realized what it is for. "Embrace the Suck" means, yeah, things are bad, but buck up and deal with it. So today, I embrace the suck. I'm braced and ready for the fray. Stop complaining, stop messing around, and get your work done.
Number one, my Dad was a Green Beret, Special Forces, in Vietnam and I am profoundly proud of him for that. My brother was also active duty Army and reservist for about 10 years, and was incredibly, amazingly good at it. I also have a passel of cousins, uncles, a Grandpa and lots of friends who are military and I LOVE them for it. I've seen first hand how a limp, whining teenager has been transformed into a man in just a few months in the military. I couldn't think more highly of the men and women in the military.
And two: If you are at all squeamish about "language" don't click the link. These guys have an extreme job and they use extreme language and I have absolutly no problem with it.
On with the story:
So I've been having a hard time getting into the groove of working...the weather is nice, and I've been having fun and hanging out with friends and just generally feeling like a lady of leisure. I know the work needs to be done, but come on... So during "work hours" for the last couple of days, I have done things like, oh... play computer games, make nice snacks and read magazines. It's been like a dream...one that I shrug about and then putter some more.
But yesterday, my day began to include things like...yet another Code Brown Situation in Charleigh's underwear, two calls from friends having a HARD TIME, a shipping deadline that I barely made, and then it really got good with an error in our bill paying system that left the checkbook overdrawn, keeping me on the phone all night trying to straighten things out, and cleaning up vomit around 2:00 a.m. Back to life..back to reality.
So when I heard this phrase, I immediatly liked it and realized what it is for. "Embrace the Suck" means, yeah, things are bad, but buck up and deal with it. So today, I embrace the suck. I'm braced and ready for the fray. Stop complaining, stop messing around, and get your work done.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Pot Shots
It was good to have an ally in the battle over Charleigh's potty training...Donna resorted to paying her to go poo on the potty. Which I still think is a granny thing to do, but it worked....once. I still cleaned up another yuck this morning...but I didn't yell. So give me a dollar.
I think that Chuck is going through a growth spurt because she can't quite stay awake lately. If I had a video camera, I'd be 10 grand richer for this shot alone...
I think that Chuck is going through a growth spurt because she can't quite stay awake lately. If I had a video camera, I'd be 10 grand richer for this shot alone...
Good Times
Here's some shots from Don and Donna's visit, just in case they wonder if this lovely weather was just a good dream....
Man, those ribs were great...the first time and the leftovers last night. MMMMmmmm.
Man, those ribs were great...the first time and the leftovers last night. MMMMmmmm.
Hey, I'm back...
Wow, I'm so behind, word's can't express...and yet, here I am blogging away. Well, as I heard at the Beth Moore simulcast a couple weeks ago, "impression without expression causes depression." I've had some impressions lately.
So Friday morning was a busy one, with me hitting the grocery store and trying to get the house in apple pie order for our friend's visit. They are the kind of friends who absolutely wouldn't give a hoot if the house was clean or not, but I needed the motivation to get some stuff done that I would just put off otherwise....it was great to "gut" both of the kid's rooms and get them really nice and clean, and also to remove the dust samples I've been growing in our room...what the heck is up with that dust under the bed anyway???
Next time I see a Kirby vacuum at the Salvation Army and I am so buying it!
Anyway, so you can imagine how, with all this prep going on, it would be inconvenient to have a melt down, but I did. I could feel myself growing anxious the whole week, but I just kept ignoring it, hoping it would go away. But on Friday morning, it kind of all came into focus...I was anxious about my friends seeing the way we live now.
What a weird thing, huh? But they knew us in MI and how things were for us and everything is just very snug here...there is very little room to mess up with money, or to stretch out in a room by yourself or take time off from your work-at-home addiction...oh, I mean job.
Had I been thinking a little more clearly, I would know they don't care. That they love us for who we are as we love them. But I wasn't thinking clearly. I was, for a variety of reasons, rehearsing and revisiting for the thousanth time our choices in coming to this place. In fact, the "bad voice" in my head had been telling me some very bad lies...lies so bold and so grim, I actually paid attention to them.
So with tears running down my face, feeling very lost, I tried to explain why I was freaking out to Robb while we drove home from his work. I could see him juggling my doubt and anxiety, trying not to loose it with me and get angry. And then, like he does, often, he reached down inside his heart and set the Truth in front of me....
"Ness, we are in a season of our lives of sowing. We are not reaping yet."
I remembered that verse that says, "Those that sow in tears will reap in joy" and I relaxed. What a safe and solid rock for my thoughts to rest on. I relaxed and finished my little jobs for the afternoon and welcomed my friends, ready to enjoy them and be present in our time together.
The truth really does set you free.
So Friday morning was a busy one, with me hitting the grocery store and trying to get the house in apple pie order for our friend's visit. They are the kind of friends who absolutely wouldn't give a hoot if the house was clean or not, but I needed the motivation to get some stuff done that I would just put off otherwise....it was great to "gut" both of the kid's rooms and get them really nice and clean, and also to remove the dust samples I've been growing in our room...what the heck is up with that dust under the bed anyway???
Next time I see a Kirby vacuum at the Salvation Army and I am so buying it!
Anyway, so you can imagine how, with all this prep going on, it would be inconvenient to have a melt down, but I did. I could feel myself growing anxious the whole week, but I just kept ignoring it, hoping it would go away. But on Friday morning, it kind of all came into focus...I was anxious about my friends seeing the way we live now.
What a weird thing, huh? But they knew us in MI and how things were for us and everything is just very snug here...there is very little room to mess up with money, or to stretch out in a room by yourself or take time off from your work-at-home addiction...oh, I mean job.
Had I been thinking a little more clearly, I would know they don't care. That they love us for who we are as we love them. But I wasn't thinking clearly. I was, for a variety of reasons, rehearsing and revisiting for the thousanth time our choices in coming to this place. In fact, the "bad voice" in my head had been telling me some very bad lies...lies so bold and so grim, I actually paid attention to them.
So with tears running down my face, feeling very lost, I tried to explain why I was freaking out to Robb while we drove home from his work. I could see him juggling my doubt and anxiety, trying not to loose it with me and get angry. And then, like he does, often, he reached down inside his heart and set the Truth in front of me....
"Ness, we are in a season of our lives of sowing. We are not reaping yet."
I remembered that verse that says, "Those that sow in tears will reap in joy" and I relaxed. What a safe and solid rock for my thoughts to rest on. I relaxed and finished my little jobs for the afternoon and welcomed my friends, ready to enjoy them and be present in our time together.
The truth really does set you free.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
How about a little crow for breakfast?
I don't know where the phrase "eating crow" came from, but according to Wikipedia it means:
To eat boiled crow is to be proven wrong after having strongly expressed one's opinion. In North America, the expression is simply to eat crow.
So this morning I am having a triple helping: I listed a bag I truly believed to be a designer bag worth at least a hundred dollars and assured buyers it was authentic, only to find a Made in China tag inside after a prolonged search. I think I'll just cancel the auction all together.
Then, I sold two puzzles I was relatively certain were complete and listed as such, only to find one of them with a pencilled notation that four pieces were missing on one. I counted the other and found it was short by two pieces. I've actually been paid for both of these already and have to return their money....their money that I could REALLY use right now.
So there you go...feeling really dumb this morning. Hopefully I can make it right with everyone and ease my conscience.
To eat boiled crow is to be proven wrong after having strongly expressed one's opinion. In North America, the expression is simply to eat crow.
So this morning I am having a triple helping: I listed a bag I truly believed to be a designer bag worth at least a hundred dollars and assured buyers it was authentic, only to find a Made in China tag inside after a prolonged search. I think I'll just cancel the auction all together.
Then, I sold two puzzles I was relatively certain were complete and listed as such, only to find one of them with a pencilled notation that four pieces were missing on one. I counted the other and found it was short by two pieces. I've actually been paid for both of these already and have to return their money....their money that I could REALLY use right now.
So there you go...feeling really dumb this morning. Hopefully I can make it right with everyone and ease my conscience.
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