Happiness just left for 2 weeks

Well, hubby just left, and I'm going to go watch mindless tv for a couple of hours and figure out how I'm going to keep busy until he comes back. I don't want to cheer up, so please don't try to make me. I'll be fine tomorrow...or maybe this afternoon after I eat three pounds of peanut m & m's.

stinking turtle bit me!

I was fixing the turtle's rock so she could bask on it and the dumb turtle bit me. Granted she's like the size of golf ball, but come on...

must .....stop.....blogging......

So it dawned on me...

Some of you remember the open house when we had everyone from church over after we moved in here. We had just gotten home from a trip and had to get the whole house clean and ready to go on a Saturday night.

The ladies progressive Christmas brunch with my Polish potatoe pancakes (I could seriously go from some of those right now)

The new years eve party when the guys played foosball in the basement and the whole house was just full of friends and the smell of saurkraut and keilbasi.

The night we had the PTR group and we sat by the fire until it was so dark, and we had a marshmallow fight, and Doug thought Mattie was falling into the fire and broke the leg of his chair jumping up so fast....

The whole Ryerse clan for Christmas and we opened presents for so long the kids had to take naps to get through it.

When we got the college kids to come and paint our living room and we called it a party. When I took the lid off the paint to show them the color and Robb didn't know and shook the can....

Mattie's suprise birthday party in the backyard last September

Group (what happens at group stays at group)

It dawned on me we are actually leaving this house. Call it denial, but I hadn't let myself think about it until I took the pictures off the walls. If these walls could speak....

Charleigh's first real word

I was just starting to worry about Charleigh not using any real intelligible words the other day (other than MAMA!!! which is not a reference to me, but rather I WANT THIS"). I was going to check my "What to expect" book, but I realized I packed it already. While giving Charleigh her breathing treatment, she started to scream (I'm not exaggerating, the girl screaches) because she wanted to play with something while strapped in the chair. I figured it was a dance with futility, but I said, "Say PLEASE." She's been signing "please" for awhile, but instead, she stopped screaming, looked at me thouhgtfully and said, "Peas." I have Robb as a witness, and now that I've blogged it, I don't have to worry that I'll forget her first real word.

The Weepies

No, I'm not writing about my emotional state. I've been searching for a long time to explain the genre of music that I like best. CCM is usually too trite. Country is a little too flannel. Rock is too hard. Pop is too young. So I found this radio station through itunes called Radio Acoustic. (check under Americana in case you'd like to look.) It's a little more folksy, celtic, and alternative than what you usually find and it amuses me, though I hardly know any songs, except for maybe a remake of Seal's "Kissed by a Rose" and it wasn't anything to write home about (although, that is kind of what I'm doing here...hmmm....I digress) So I heard this band, The Weepies, playing a song called "somebody loved" and I like it a lot. So I bought the song. I don't know if I can reccommend the whole CD since I see another song on the album (incidently named Happiness) was titled "Dating a Porn Star." But here it is....

Somebody Loved
Words and music by Deb Talan and Steve Tannen

Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved.

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved.

Someday when we're old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you.

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved.

©2002 Deb Talan & Steve Tannen (ASCAP/BMI). All rights reserved.

About 12 years ago, Robb turned me into somebody loved. It's been transformational for me in so many ways....and it's exactly like a girl always dreams of it.

10 years ago, I found out that God had made me somebody loved before time began.

So I played that song over and over yesterday just to remind myself.

No weepies today.

Day One

Well, here I am on our first day without a church, a job, a home. Yesterday was our last day at IBC, and some people didn't even say "goodbye." I guess that means we are just terrible people....or maybe they are terrible people. The house is a disaster, and yet I keep hoping the realtor will call and SOMEBODY will want to check it out. We are going on four weeks on the market and still not a single call. Robb is cleaning out his office today, Mattie is the "busy bee" at school and is wearing the Birthday crown, Vin is watching Bob the Builder and Charleigh is doing her usual Charleigh stuff, taking things out of boxes, putting stray pennies in her mouth, and giving the dog bones that Sidney had tucked away for later enjoyment. It's as gray and dull outside as I feel.

So, why do I torture myself by naming this blog after butterflies and happiness? Well, A.) my name means butterfly, and I guess I'm hoping to figure out who I am without the context of the title "pastor's wife." I don't have to worry about what people think of me anymore. I haven't had that freedom since I was five years old and only my parents and my brother mattered. and 2.) (as Paul Reiser used to say) I am incredibly hopeful. I am sad, but I don't think that being sad negates hopefullness. That's why I am starting this blog. I think that out of the ashes, GOD will bring out beauty. A good story starts with a problem, and I've always wanted to live a good story.